oh isnt this fun....
sat at home on t'internet, kinda pissed off still at ben (yes u heard rite tosser).
just been readin rich's lj from like ever ago, scary stuff there man.
gotta do my work 4 i.t. sux major ass, just thinkin how once ive posted i never look back on them. i mean most of the posts are from me when im either depressed or bored so reading bak on them just brings up old thoughts and feelings.
its like the other day when i found my diary from the begining of last year, i mean i was soo blissfully happy then nothing made me feel sad. u could of chopped off my arm and id still of been smiling.
i mean as i read on it sort of got worse and it made me think about stuff like.
how much did i hurt andi???
i know u all thought i was really harsh 2 him 4 wot i did but none of u (besides sarah now) know how he made me feel, he was contolling and thought we would b together forever. it wasnt real though, life isnt like that.
i mean wow i was 1 hell of a bitch 2 him, but in my mind i beleived he honestly could do better without me. so i hurt him so much that he would never want me back. twisted, but it worked.
the only thing that made me think the most is when it got near the end of it, that was where i said about how it wasnt worth me writing everything down. i know i was told to either say what i thought to somebody or release my feelinngs somehow (i used 2 get ill from keeping everything inside and not tellin ppl wot i thought of them) but ive changed so much in that year.
i had a few problems over that year, but this year has hit off 2 a better start. yea there have been a few minor downers but over all im genuinly happy again, and it has been a long time since ive felt really happy.
i was way unhappy when i ended it with rich and missed him like mad. i havent felt like that bout ne guy before. i mean im cold hearted u all know that, kim u know how genuinly cold i can be. i can cut off emotions like people cut off the power to their tv.
Although its weird i mean were all happy...me,kimi and amber. i think its the first time all of us has been happy and not had reasons to have a shoulder to cry on, i know i havent been myself lately as in stopped goin out and callin u 2. sorry.
but its soo cool i can honestly say im the happiest ive been in ages, the only thing that gets me down is the illness originating from kimi and the lack of sleep.
rich, i love u so much baby thank u 4 bein there and wanting me xxxxxx
just been readin rich's lj from like ever ago, scary stuff there man.
gotta do my work 4 i.t. sux major ass, just thinkin how once ive posted i never look back on them. i mean most of the posts are from me when im either depressed or bored so reading bak on them just brings up old thoughts and feelings.
its like the other day when i found my diary from the begining of last year, i mean i was soo blissfully happy then nothing made me feel sad. u could of chopped off my arm and id still of been smiling.
i mean as i read on it sort of got worse and it made me think about stuff like.
how much did i hurt andi???
i know u all thought i was really harsh 2 him 4 wot i did but none of u (besides sarah now) know how he made me feel, he was contolling and thought we would b together forever. it wasnt real though, life isnt like that.
i mean wow i was 1 hell of a bitch 2 him, but in my mind i beleived he honestly could do better without me. so i hurt him so much that he would never want me back. twisted, but it worked.
the only thing that made me think the most is when it got near the end of it, that was where i said about how it wasnt worth me writing everything down. i know i was told to either say what i thought to somebody or release my feelinngs somehow (i used 2 get ill from keeping everything inside and not tellin ppl wot i thought of them) but ive changed so much in that year.
i had a few problems over that year, but this year has hit off 2 a better start. yea there have been a few minor downers but over all im genuinly happy again, and it has been a long time since ive felt really happy.
i was way unhappy when i ended it with rich and missed him like mad. i havent felt like that bout ne guy before. i mean im cold hearted u all know that, kim u know how genuinly cold i can be. i can cut off emotions like people cut off the power to their tv.
Although its weird i mean were all happy...me,kimi and amber. i think its the first time all of us has been happy and not had reasons to have a shoulder to cry on, i know i havent been myself lately as in stopped goin out and callin u 2. sorry.
but its soo cool i can honestly say im the happiest ive been in ages, the only thing that gets me down is the illness originating from kimi and the lack of sleep.
rich, i love u so much baby thank u 4 bein there and wanting me xxxxxx