like a falling star. dimming as you reach the bottom.
im trying hard. i really am. and i know what you're thinking because im thinking the same thing too. its only been two days since i told myself i was going to be more optimistic about everything. but with each day into the summer its growing increasingly harder to keep a smile. my heart aches for my mother. i can hardly look at her. which makes me feel awful. at a time i feel she probably needs comfort i cant give it to her, eventhough im trying so hard. its hard when you need comfort of your own and you feel like you have no where to turn. i went out with my dad tonight, the first time i have really talked to him since i got home. it was good to see him. and in a way i am still not happy with him or his decisions. and i dont want to go to my cousins graduation party next sunday. its so hard seeing my parents together. god. i just want to hug my mom and never let go. i want to hug her until everything is ok. leaving the house makes me feel guilty. it shouldnt but it does. i honestly dont know what to do with myself. if im not working and no one calls me i will just sit in my room. pathetic i know. but i cant help it. what killed me was my dad pretty much told me i was the only one in the family he could relate to. that so many of my traits i got from him. its not a bad thing, i love my dad to death but i feel like he should be able to relate to other people in the family too. i hate to be singled out. especially because i really cant deal with all this. i may just be being over dramatic but in all honesty i am ok with that. this is one of the only times that i have actually been able to tell myself that i am upset and if i can admit it to myself maybe it wont be too long before i can admit it to others. i just never in a million years thought this was something that i was going to have to go through, i always thought i was one of the lucky ones. things never seem to turn out like you thought they would, i have learned they usually turn out worse.