(no subject)

[xnowhereslowx]

sometimes things drive me insane. little things. things that shouldnt even register on my insane meter. or any meter at all. have you ever seen someone, someone you know and have known for quite sometime but never were really close with, have you seen this person and at that moment known that you, with all your body and soul, detested this person. and for no real reason you just want to scream. scream at them. scream at the world. scream at yourself for having such irrational feelings. but you hold it in, because thats what you have always done. you know how to do nothing different. but if you did it probably wouldnt matter anyhow. because you wouldnt scream, its not who you are, its not who they expect you to be. you cry at sad movies and make kissy faces at puppies in the window. you laugh at stupid jokes, you laugh at everything. you are forgetful and clumsy. but people love your charm, they love your whit. they know you have a killer smile. you know because they tell you. and you know you wont believe it. you are antsy but not necessarily uncomfortable. you will love anyone that gives you the chance. you will forgive them when they dont. you say ow when it doesnt hurt and smile when it does. you dont want to be noticed for anything outstanding you just want to be noticed. you are the first to help but the last to ask. you always tell yourself you will change but know you never will, maybe you never should. people know this. at least you think they do. you tell yourself over and over that they know you better than you know yourself. they got the memo, somehow you missed it. you will hug them hard. sucking information from there pores. hoping to gain some sort of insight on your life. misdirected as it is. but you still never scream. never raise your voice. you refuse to let them see you like that, broken, falling apart at the seams. sunshine spills from your eyes like gold. your mouth turned up towards the heavens. you cringe. but no one notices. they cant see it like you can. or maybe you cant see it like they can.

sometimes there is so much. so much collected inside. i just need to scream. but theres no one there to listen.