I'm fucked up because you are.

[xnot_your_starx]

So I got into this huge fight with my parents tonight. Just what I was looking forward to doing on a Friday night. Now I feel like crap. I'm moody and I want to leave this god awful house because I'm tired of being sworn at and threatened until they decide that they're done with me for the night. I don't even know how to comprehend these kind of actions anymore since I've been experiencing them for 20 some odd years and I don't really know how to make it stop. I'm just sick of taking the blame for everything in this house, and when anyone is having a bad day it's much simpler to blame it on the girl who can't defend herself then to point a finger back at themselves in the direction it should be facing. I seriously don't know why I put up with it... or I do, because I can't afford to pay for school by myself AND move out at the same time. Otherwise who knows where I'd be right now. And since my lovely father threatens to kick me outta the house just about every week, who knows where i'll be any day now. I'm so tired of being treated like dirt by the people who are supposed to at least show you some kind of compassion. As much as I love kids, I don't know if i ever want them because if i ever treated them the way I'm treated in this house, I don't think I could live with myself.

There's no one here who even listens to a word I say, I could talk until I'm blue in the face and they still wouldnt have a clue that I had said anything. It's like I'm not even here, and sometimes I think it's because they know they'd be happier without me so they just pretend that I'm gone.

It's times like these when I really miss my grandmother. She was the only one who ever really listened to anything I ever said in this family... and she was the only one i could ever talk to... and of course now she's gone and I'm left feeling defenseless yet again... what a mess.

lol so I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm a genuine wreck. there's really no better way to say it.