sry
all i really want to write today is...i dont know what jon was talking about when he choked me but it wasnt true...i never threatend any of his friends...and im sry if i did...but it doesnt matter any more he hates me and i hate him for what he did....he fucking choked me so hard on purpose...he wastrying to scare me...i couldnt breath and i felt like i was going to die...i know he had his knife in his back pocket and i know positivly he wanted to fucking kill me...this isnt a joke people...he hurt me so bad that i have to go to the hospital tomorrow to get it looked at....i still cant breath right now but its getting better...i can still feel his hands gripping my neck...it hurts so bad that someone that once told me he loved me was just trying to hurt me...but you know what thats just what he does...he loves to hurt me....it just his nature...i want to die right now not by his hands but by my own...i cant bare with this hatred any more...every one fucking hates me and i am making a very big deal out of it...i dont know what to do any more...im so lost in my emotions...but you know whats really fucked up...i still have feelings for him...i cant understand why...i hate him? or do i love him? i need serious help...jodis bringing me to the suicidle ward tomorrow after we get back from the hospital and i will be there for at least a week...i know i shouldnt run away from my problems but this one is breaking my heart...i just wish dave wouldnt have choked jon after he found out becuase now we cant do anything...if we tell the cops about jon choking me then jon can tell the cops dave choked him afterward...i just dont know what to do any more...someone help me! sam i need you so bad right now....i know i hate heather but i wouldnt really hurt her bc then jon would NEVER forgive...me...oh well it doesnt matter he already hates me and i know it...you know what!~!!! i dont give a rats ass about jon i dont like him i dont love him...im with tony and hes the only one ill focus on from now on... much love to most people... shadow