[ voice ]heartbetweenDecember 28 2009, 20:01:40 UTC
[soft, awkward-sounding laugh]
Uh. Byakuya? Misa asked if you wanted to come play in the snow with us. Namine and Sakura will be there too. [from his tone, it sounds as if he completely expects Byakuya to say no. He's just waiting to see how brutal the rejection will be.]
[pausepause] ...I told her I'd ask. So. If you wanna say no, I'm not gonna argue. Just saying.
[Invited? He barely knows this Misa girl, never heard of Sakura and he has no attachments to Namine. It's strange they would bother to think of him when he's made no signs of friendship with them]
I don't play in the snow, Shiba. You should know better than to ask.
[He ignores the mumbles. He doesn't care to carry the conversation any longer than necessary.]
If it occurs to you that it's better not to ask, then you shouldn't ask. I will not be indebted to you. I can survive well enough without your interference.
I suggest you go and have your fun in the snow. It will not last long.
[To start another fight about Kaien's motives is a pointless endeavor. However, he will not stand by and allow someone, least of all Shiba, to accuse him of avoiding anything.]
[ voice ]heartbetweenDecember 28 2009, 22:00:18 UTC
Yeah, that's what I said. You avoid it. And it's weird, and a bit sad too.
Especially considering how vested you are in your obligations to Yamamoto, the sixth division, the Kuchiki family, and the Soul Society.
[yes, he did use the word obligation on purpose]
Not that that last part's a bad thing. It's just if you tried it with people once in a while, you'll come to find it just as rewarding as doing your job. And maybe realize the difference between doing things because you want to and doing them because you feel compelled to.
Need I recite to you why such attachments are useless to a shinigami?
Before you lecture me on such simple matters, I recommend you take a moment to remember that our duty is not to make friends. We fight, Shiba, and there is no place for attachments to a warrior who is not afraid to die.
The obligations you wish to impose on me are nothing but nuisances that don't provide for a peaceful society. That is the difference from these people here and my role within Soul Society.
[ voice ]heartbetweenDecember 28 2009, 22:25:54 UTC
Why do you fight, Byakuya? You fight to protect the Soul Society and the World of the Living, right? You fight to keep peace and order to make both worlds a safer place to live.
What's the point if at the end of the day you have no one to be glad you could protect? What's the point of fighting if there's no one in your life?
You are a shinigami. You have a unique zanpakutou--a unique soul. Why do you never think about yourself as an individual? You're the sixth division captain, that's true, but what makes you different from the last sixth division captain? Or the one before that?
If you act like you're the same as every other shinigami doing the same duty as you--just a face in the crowd--you might as well be a gikongan. That's why attachments aren't useless, Byakuya.
It is my duty to, Shiba, just as it is yours. I need no one to encourage me, I need nothing to come home to because it is, in the end, a matter of pride that no other can give.
I'm astounded by your misconceptions. I am an individual, but I am, most and foremost, a shinigami captain. Don't pretend you can read me, you've done nothing but fail at it miserably so far.
Those who wish to stand above the crowd are those that turn out to be traitors, those who shame the name of shinigami. This is no longer up for discussion, Shiba. Make your friends, live in your fantasy. Reality will come. Not even Soul Society is paradise.
[ voice ]heartbetweenDecember 28 2009, 23:11:34 UTC
[He holds his tongue on the impulse to use Hisana as the example that shatters his arguments into pieces. It never works. Sometimes he wonders, if that's why he prefers solace, so he need never feel the pain of loss again. He wonders if truly no one was there for him then, or if he simply pushed those who tried away. They were never very close in Soul Society, but here he is determined to change that. He is all Byakuya has, here, and no one can be alone forever. It will someday become too much to bear, even for him.
He doesn't respond to the individual arguments--a back-and-forth on their differing philosophies will get them nowhere. Instead, he gives Byakuya one last thing to think about.]
No, you're right. Nothing is perfect. And that's why nothing lasts forever, not even us shinigami. What will you leave behind when you're gone, Byakuya? Where will your heart go?
[very very quietly] if you are forgotten when you die, it will be as if you'd never lived at all. No...worse than that, I think.
You have said it yourself. Nothing does last forever. Eventually, not even the records of Soul Society will remember your name. All who ever did will perish and you will have fallen to your greatest fear.
You seek to destroy others. You seek futility. You seek to be selfish.
[ voice ]heartbetweenDecember 29 2009, 00:19:35 UTC
Records? Who gives a shit about records?! You're missing the point. Records only have names and faces. What do records say about the sound of someone's voice or the feel of their skin? What do they say about what makes them laugh, what makes them cry? What about their hopes and dreams, their fears, their aspirations?
Nothing that makes the person a name represents is ever preserved in records. That information is stored in people--the hearts of the people you love and who love you.
And maybe those people will die, but those memories will be passed down to their children and their children's friends and own children.
No one can be alone forever, Byakuya. Even you haven't always been.
[He allows him to have his rant, allows him to do as he pleases because Shiba is nothing more than a child throwing a tantrum in his opinion and to tell him to stop would be pointless. He's had enough practice with Yachiru to know.
If he were a hundred years younger, he'd probably have scoffed at that last line. Hisana was the first and last--he intends to keep it that way.]
... I already told you. I have nothing more to say to you.
Uh. Byakuya? Misa asked if you wanted to come play in the snow with us. Namine and Sakura will be there too. [from his tone, it sounds as if he completely expects Byakuya to say no. He's just waiting to see how brutal the rejection will be.]
[pausepause] ...I told her I'd ask. So. If you wanna say no, I'm not gonna argue. Just saying.
Reply
I don't play in the snow, Shiba. You should know better than to ask.
Reply
I did. But Misa asked me to. I didn't want to tell her I wouldn't just because I knew I would be shot down.
But fine. I asked, you said no, whatever. Have a nice day or something.
...[pause] I should know better than to ask this by now too, but your rent's due in five days. Let me know if I can help with that in any way.
Reply
If it occurs to you that it's better not to ask, then you shouldn't ask. I will not be indebted to you. I can survive well enough without your interference.
I suggest you go and have your fun in the snow. It will not last long.
Reply
For someone who cares about his duty so much, your avoidance of obligation to people is really weird, you know.
[sigh] Yeah, they're waiting for me anyway, I guess. See you around.
Reply
I have no obligation to anyone, let alone you.
Reply
Especially considering how vested you are in your obligations to Yamamoto, the sixth division, the Kuchiki family, and the Soul Society.
[yes, he did use the word obligation on purpose]
Not that that last part's a bad thing. It's just if you tried it with people once in a while, you'll come to find it just as rewarding as doing your job. And maybe realize the difference between doing things because you want to and doing them because you feel compelled to.
Reply
Before you lecture me on such simple matters, I recommend you take a moment to remember that our duty is not to make friends. We fight, Shiba, and there is no place for attachments to a warrior who is not afraid to die.
The obligations you wish to impose on me are nothing but nuisances that don't provide for a peaceful society. That is the difference from these people here and my role within Soul Society.
Reply
What's the point if at the end of the day you have no one to be glad you could protect? What's the point of fighting if there's no one in your life?
You are a shinigami. You have a unique zanpakutou--a unique soul. Why do you never think about yourself as an individual? You're the sixth division captain, that's true, but what makes you different from the last sixth division captain? Or the one before that?
If you act like you're the same as every other shinigami doing the same duty as you--just a face in the crowd--you might as well be a gikongan. That's why attachments aren't useless, Byakuya.
Reply
I'm astounded by your misconceptions. I am an individual, but I am, most and foremost, a shinigami captain. Don't pretend you can read me, you've done nothing but fail at it miserably so far.
Those who wish to stand above the crowd are those that turn out to be traitors, those who shame the name of shinigami. This is no longer up for discussion, Shiba. Make your friends, live in your fantasy. Reality will come. Not even Soul Society is paradise.
Reply
He doesn't respond to the individual arguments--a back-and-forth on their differing philosophies will get them nowhere. Instead, he gives Byakuya one last thing to think about.]
No, you're right. Nothing is perfect. And that's why nothing lasts forever, not even us shinigami. What will you leave behind when you're gone, Byakuya? Where will your heart go?
[very very quietly] if you are forgotten when you die, it will be as if you'd never lived at all. No...worse than that, I think.
Reply
You seek to destroy others. You seek futility. You seek to be selfish.
I have no more to say to you.
Reply
Nothing that makes the person a name represents is ever preserved in records. That information is stored in people--the hearts of the people you love and who love you.
And maybe those people will die, but those memories will be passed down to their children and their children's friends and own children.
No one can be alone forever, Byakuya. Even you haven't always been.
Reply
If he were a hundred years younger, he'd probably have scoffed at that last line. Hisana was the first and last--he intends to keep it that way.]
... I already told you. I have nothing more to say to you.
Reply
Namine and Misa are waiting. I'll talk to you later.
Reply
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