You cannot be. [He won't be there for Rukia. He won't spare Rukia the pain, won't spare her Ichigo Kurosaki, save her from her family. Kaien's death was a spiral that ruined Rukia. He'll never forgive him for it, even if he's not at fault.]
You would prefer Captain Ukitake, would you not?
[Yes... yes, he has. Perhaps he no longer has to seek it, but he remembers training until his hands bled, until he could stand no more, all because he wanted his grandfather to look at him with pride, rather than disappointment. But... he cannot accept Shiba. He already told himself this.
To him, the break in his sentences seems to stretch forever. He'd rather not repeat what he's already said.]
This whole place is conspiring to turn me into you.
[It's partially an explanation, partially an apology, and partially just an expression of frustration.]
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Perhaps it is time you learned.
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I would have thought you'd come to realize your attachments to them are destroying you. You are not the same man from six months ago.
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[Still not an apology, but definitely an explanation for this call.]
So what's the problem? [A little heatedly] I thought you hated the man from six months ago who wanted to be your friend.
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...
[What is his problem? A distracted shinigami who doesn't interfere in his life anymore and actually does as he's told? Should be a dream.]
I despise this one more.
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[Glares at the Forge, though it can't be seen]
What in the hell do you want from me? You gotten the things you've asked of me.
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...So you're going to keep holding a death that hasn't even happened in my time against me?!
I don't--I don't even know what happened, how the fucking hell is that fair?
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Perhaps I shall change your knowledge on it. It will not change anything.
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You say I can never be what you want, but how about you tell me what that is, precisely, and we can see about that?
I've spent six months trying to understand you and obviously failed. I doubt I'll suddenly get some random insight that'll clear everything up.
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Understand? We have never understood each other, the Shiba and the Kuchiki. Why would it change now?
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[There's a pause, and then when he finally speaks, his voice is low and quiet.]
Because...we're the only shinigami in this world, and I'm tired of feeling...like you'd prefer it for someone else to be here instead of me.
[A sigh] Haven't you ever...wanted someone's approval before?
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You would prefer Captain Ukitake, would you not?
[Yes... yes, he has. Perhaps he no longer has to seek it, but he remembers training until his hands bled, until he could stand no more, all because he wanted his grandfather to look at him with pride, rather than disappointment. But... he cannot accept Shiba. He already told himself this.
To him, the break in his sentences seems to stretch forever. He'd rather not repeat what he's already said.]
I don't need approval from another.
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[He shakes his head, though it can't be seen.]
I want him to be here. But I don't want him to be here instead of you.
[...]
Be honest with me...would it really bother you if I disappeared, like some of the others?
...Maybe not now, but...never?
At least, if there were another shinigami to take my place, anyway?
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You cannot be what you want to be.
...
[How foolish. They've never gotten along. Surely he wouldn't mind if he were replaced.]
...
[Honesty.]
You are not replaceable.
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