LJED74: LJ Whenever The Fuck I Can, #1
Hey, everyone!
My bad, I know. It's almost impossible to set my mind to writing. It's been busy as hell, though. I've been philosophizing like crazy, and trying to let some of it leak out to my people, more one-on-one. The move to first shift and taking on more work gives me less time blankly staring into space, daydreaming, so I can't sweeten up and write out anything. I'm bummed about it, and maybe I'll make amore conscious effort on my breaks to get something out to you guys.
First shift's been okay for all the reasons I thought it'd be okay and sucks horribly for all the reasons I thought it would suck horribly. I'm dealing better than I thought I would. Me and Misty still see each other tons, so I'm happy with that. Especially now that I managed to talk my way into a swing shift. I'm actually working 9 to 5:30, so still. Hit me up you guys. I have tons of freetime at times of the day where normal people have freetime.
As far as my mental state, I've been all over the place. Stressed to fuck, then happy and philosophical, then depressed, then more pleased with myself than ever. I guess the transition between that portion of my life and this one isn't seamless, but I never expected it to be. Been doing a lot of meditating and a lot of harmless flirting to keep my mind situated in reality, but I've been slipping into dissociative personal interpretation too much.
I was looking at all of the different ways you could view me, or anyone for that matter, and was struck retarded for a few hours contemplting all of the possible ways someone could view my words, actions, appearance, and overall personality. I wonder what images other people have of me, and how incredibly far from my own image of me they probably are. All that did was make me doubly frustrated on top of my usual frustrations with being misunderstood or incapable of finding someone to function on my wavelength. I realized that not only am I completely alone in the kind of person I am, but no one I know even sees close to who I think that person is.
And on that note, I'm out of here. Tell me what you think of me, faggots. Give me your full opinion of me, and I'll see if you're closer to knowing me or just the traits I act out more flamboyantly. Also, if any of you were bummed a little by my absence, let me know. And understand that you can't have been as bummed out as I am about it.