Current ramblings.
So, I don't want her to feel like I'm crazy, or I'm moving too fast, but I don't know if she's the type of person who can understand that my past has left behind scars that make me work quicker on things that I find important, I've got no more patience anymore...I do with certain things but really, I'm just so tired of being alone and it makes me move way quick compared to some people. I fall fast, and hard, and it takes a looong time to get over it unless it was a really bad breakup.
I'm rambling.
I like her...more than I should after just a week, more than I should and frankly, I show it when I like someone...And I don't want to scare her away before I actually *meet* her. I don't know if there's anything I can do to reassure her that I'm not a total freakazoid...or reassure her that she doesn't have anything to fear from me. Maybe even posting this...will do what I'm afraid of and she'll be gone before I can blink.
It's hard to explain to her what's on my mind, because I'm scared of how she'll take it seeing as how she hasn't even met me either. So I've got to put it all down this way, everything that I think, or why I think the way I do or what I think when I think it.
I don't even know if she's interested in me in the way I'm interested in her.
I don't even know for sure she's a female...or 22...or anything. But I know the way she makes me feel is at least real...granted, the purpose and all that jazz is unknown, it's still there on my end.
A friend of mine always told me that I have a loving heart, she didn't mean it in the way that you'd think. She always said that I'd never settle with just any random relationship, I had to know within the first few days of knowing the person in general that there was a spark of love possible and then my heart would just surrender entirely to it. She always said I just jumped at any chance at love with someone who was compatible because...my heart just wanted to find the other half.
I'm not saying that I'm like...in love with the idea of being in love. I'm not saying I can fall in and out of love at the slightest whim. I'm saying that it's very possible for me to love someone so fast, then realize that it's not returned and then when I hit the big brick wall, I move on. I don't get over it right away, but I allow myself to look elsewhere.
I feel like she should know all this before I get in too deep...I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to get hurt but at the same time...I don't want to *not* take the chance either...I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or what will happen 5 minutes after she reads this. I hope that she chews on it and doesn't run laughing into the night to continue on with her life and leave me in the dust.
I...don't want to move too fast with her, I want t do things at her pace because I know she's got the same kinds of scars that I do, and I know how much those scars can really screw with things...I'm prime example. I just hope there's something there, that she's interested in me and that I don't screw things up, either with this...or with something in the future.
And yes Courtney, I wrote this as it was running through my head, so it's all as if it's not about you. haha.
I'm rambling.
I like her...more than I should after just a week, more than I should and frankly, I show it when I like someone...And I don't want to scare her away before I actually *meet* her. I don't know if there's anything I can do to reassure her that I'm not a total freakazoid...or reassure her that she doesn't have anything to fear from me. Maybe even posting this...will do what I'm afraid of and she'll be gone before I can blink.
It's hard to explain to her what's on my mind, because I'm scared of how she'll take it seeing as how she hasn't even met me either. So I've got to put it all down this way, everything that I think, or why I think the way I do or what I think when I think it.
I don't even know if she's interested in me in the way I'm interested in her.
I don't even know for sure she's a female...or 22...or anything. But I know the way she makes me feel is at least real...granted, the purpose and all that jazz is unknown, it's still there on my end.
A friend of mine always told me that I have a loving heart, she didn't mean it in the way that you'd think. She always said that I'd never settle with just any random relationship, I had to know within the first few days of knowing the person in general that there was a spark of love possible and then my heart would just surrender entirely to it. She always said I just jumped at any chance at love with someone who was compatible because...my heart just wanted to find the other half.
I'm not saying that I'm like...in love with the idea of being in love. I'm not saying I can fall in and out of love at the slightest whim. I'm saying that it's very possible for me to love someone so fast, then realize that it's not returned and then when I hit the big brick wall, I move on. I don't get over it right away, but I allow myself to look elsewhere.
I feel like she should know all this before I get in too deep...I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to get hurt but at the same time...I don't want to *not* take the chance either...I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or what will happen 5 minutes after she reads this. I hope that she chews on it and doesn't run laughing into the night to continue on with her life and leave me in the dust.
I...don't want to move too fast with her, I want t do things at her pace because I know she's got the same kinds of scars that I do, and I know how much those scars can really screw with things...I'm prime example. I just hope there's something there, that she's interested in me and that I don't screw things up, either with this...or with something in the future.
And yes Courtney, I wrote this as it was running through my head, so it's all as if it's not about you. haha.