fucking frustration.
today started off as an off day, yesterday didnt end up so well, i felt cut out by jessi and tex and i couldnt relate. i felt left out. today though was just different, im not angry or frustrated with jessi, im just flat out frustrated right now. im not sure why either, its like... i don't know, im just fucking frustrated, really fucking frustrated today. I dont want to be at work, jessi not being able to talk to me if quiet annoying. i have no clue wtf i right now, but i know it isnt jessi, it isnt my mom, it isnt my dad, i need some alone time i guess. and since i know im gonna have fucking leechers at my house tonight im starting to get very irritated and my day at work isnt even over yet.
maybe im just cranky becuase i havent eaten, today was a good day for jessi and i though, we were able to talk through our problems, which i thought was good. although she did mention he was comming back out as i was getting mad. i dont know. we're a million miles apart sometimes her and i, but then again were two inches away from eachother. i think that erks me sometimes, that were like that. shes not affectionate with me anymore, i have to get it out of her.its actually fucking annoying, for someone who use to smother me she doesnt do it anymore. maybe i shouldnt do it. i think i should stop. ive been snappy here at work today, i dont want to talk to anyone or do my work. everyone is actually annoying me.
maybe im just having a bad day, one i made up on my own, but a bad day none the less. im tired of alot things, including some at home.
jessi and i talk sometimes and i dont feel that click, it happends alot. i know she loves me, but that spark is missing. i feel it sometimes and its gone others. i feel supid for thinking that but, heh, its how i feel.
shes changed alot but im not sure i can handle it, im still looking for sweet kind hearted jessi to show up but she hasnt been around much.
i have a new changed one, and you know, maybe her life revolving around me isnt a good things, but damn i enjoyed it when it did. i miss that. maybe thats wrong.im just bothered by something. im not sure how to calm down either.
afraid of being alone. happy. annoyed. frustrated. satisfied. touch. i dont know. bah im inside out about something.