(no subject)
everything to me... seems like it is getting simpler... yet more complicated. getting more complicatedly simple. its beginning to drive me crazy.
every night when i lie down to sleep i am plagued with thoughts of the ones i love the most... dying. and it hurts. i try to stop but the thoughts keep coming.
ugh.
justin and i are doing well but there is still something inside upsetting my mind.
its just me, it has to be.
i dont know, i think the medicine my mom put me on really did help because now whenever i forget to take it... i feel like this.
...or maybe its all just in my head.
im crazy.
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stephanie's surprise 16th birthday party is next Saturday. justin was also invited along too but i doubt he will be able to go because of work... that sucks because i thought they would finally be able to meet. oh well, im sure it will be a good time anyway.
um.
my sister is possibly/probably getting married within the next 6-7 months. in some ways i dont want her to... i just dont want her to make a mistake, you know? but oh well. she's never listened to me before, no reason to speak up now.
school is going all right i suppose. im not doing quite as well as i wish to be but i feel like i really dont care right now. whatever i get will be good enough, that's all that matters... right?
mom is starting to go crazy about me and my obsession with my weight.
oh well.
*sighs* this is just one of those feeling-out-of-place moments... i guess.
i suppose sleep would be best for me right now. doubt i will actually be able to sleep but there is no harm in trying... so, goodnight.
every night when i lie down to sleep i am plagued with thoughts of the ones i love the most... dying. and it hurts. i try to stop but the thoughts keep coming.
ugh.
justin and i are doing well but there is still something inside upsetting my mind.
its just me, it has to be.
i dont know, i think the medicine my mom put me on really did help because now whenever i forget to take it... i feel like this.
...or maybe its all just in my head.
im crazy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
stephanie's surprise 16th birthday party is next Saturday. justin was also invited along too but i doubt he will be able to go because of work... that sucks because i thought they would finally be able to meet. oh well, im sure it will be a good time anyway.
um.
my sister is possibly/probably getting married within the next 6-7 months. in some ways i dont want her to... i just dont want her to make a mistake, you know? but oh well. she's never listened to me before, no reason to speak up now.
school is going all right i suppose. im not doing quite as well as i wish to be but i feel like i really dont care right now. whatever i get will be good enough, that's all that matters... right?
mom is starting to go crazy about me and my obsession with my weight.
oh well.
*sighs* this is just one of those feeling-out-of-place moments... i guess.
i suppose sleep would be best for me right now. doubt i will actually be able to sleep but there is no harm in trying... so, goodnight.