(no subject)
So while reading "Rainbow High" They were talking about how coming out is a lifelong process. Then I began thinking about my coming out. I guess it went well, but i dont know. My mother still is not ok with it. Infact when I told her (weeks ago) that Rick and I dated she got a look is disappointment on her face, and when I told her we broke up she smiled. It was annoying, and I have a feeling it's always going ot be like that. She wont let my grandfather find out (not that i want him to) but what is going ot happen if I bring a boy home for Christmas. Wont he notice I am never with a women. Even though im pretty sure he still thinks Katey and I are dating. But my home...people here know. And Bob is better with it than my mother is, which is kinda bad. But Only 3 people know about me at work, one being Heather, and Hannah because we were switching our Gay stories when she decided to tell me she was Bi. And then one bagger knows but that was because she over heard me when i came in with a friend one day. I dont think anything would happen at Hannaford, but what about my future jobs? Getting a house? I guess, like the book said it is a lifelong process, Like when i move away I will be making new friends, but i dont know what to do then. Do i tell them upfront...i dont think i am going to walk around saying "Hi im Dylan I do men"..uhm no. I dunno. I guess it's part of graduating this year....growing up...getting my own place...being on my own...It's a horrible thought...but seriously...in 10 years how many of my high school friends will I still be talking to? Jesus this is so stressing. But I guess my final thought on in this entry would be, Im not ashamed of who I am. Infact I think im a pretty nice guy. I care about EVERYONE...except Kevin McLauren...but nobody loves him..in fact I think his parents try to kill him on a daily bases. anyway. I like me, Not many people are like me.
I dont wanna grow up....I dont want to graduate...I want to stay in High school, not having to worry about bills, and college loans...and as much as my mother annoys me...not being around her for her to help me when I get in deep. Like when my car died...or when i run out of gas and she gives me money. There wont be anyone there to help me like that. I'll be on my own....Growing up is such an inconvenience!
Or...I want a boyfried...someone I love that can grow up with me...Go through College with me...An apartment...I guess it boils down to lonlyness in the end...But there is nobody in school I can imagin spending the rest of my life with (in a relationship)...I guess that comes later dosent it...I dont want to wait until later...but then again..I want for once to be in a real truly loving relationship. Screw human emotions!!!
I dont wanna grow up....I dont want to graduate...I want to stay in High school, not having to worry about bills, and college loans...and as much as my mother annoys me...not being around her for her to help me when I get in deep. Like when my car died...or when i run out of gas and she gives me money. There wont be anyone there to help me like that. I'll be on my own....Growing up is such an inconvenience!
Or...I want a boyfried...someone I love that can grow up with me...Go through College with me...An apartment...I guess it boils down to lonlyness in the end...But there is nobody in school I can imagin spending the rest of my life with (in a relationship)...I guess that comes later dosent it...I dont want to wait until later...but then again..I want for once to be in a real truly loving relationship. Screw human emotions!!!