I know it's been over 3 months..
The only reason I am even writting in here is because people have long forgotten it exists, or even care for that matter.
I am so incredibly pissed off. Lets get something strait. If you have something to say to me, then say it to my fucking face! If you think I'm a bitch, That's great! If you hate me, that's even better!! I honestly do NOT give a flying fuck what you think of me. do NOT take it out on my dog, or come into MY house acting like an asshole. More so don't hide behind my fucking brother, whom now I am quite sure hates me! thanks... no REALLY! You had to go and try to work a pity me story, to fucking bad it blew up in your face! Of course everyone is the bad guy though, and you are the poor innocent girl getting picked on for something you didn't say.
In any case, that's all besides the point.
This has been an extreamly hard week for me. Yesterday I had to say goodbye to one of my ex boyfriends, who was also one of my best friends. He died last week, and yesterday was his funeral and everything. I'm positive that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Even though we hadn't seen eachother in so many years, we talked EVERY day. It's so shitty when the only time you honestly realize what you had, and what a person meant to you is after they are gone.
Also Martin is gone out of the picture.. I mean this really dosen't supurise me. How does someone honestly expect you to react when they say "Eaither have sex with me right now, or I'll sleep with someone else" That is just.... wow.
I guess the thing about all that though is I'm not the leat bit sad about him being out of the picture. In fact, I am really overjoyed! I gave him a chance, he fucked it up, proving me right of course, and I'm happy I was right. What I'm unhappy about though is I honestly believe I will NEVER find someone to be with, or love. How many people can honestly say that they'd want a relationship with someone who is having a kid? Yeah.. not many.
Some days I feel myself resenting this kid, but I know it is not his or her's fault. then it just makes me feel like a shitty person for wishing I'd never of gotten pregnant, especially since everyone else is so happy for me. It's hard to be happy when this thing growing inside you is part of someone you hate SO much. I know some people would like to throw an "I told you so" or "You got yourself into this, so deal with it" in my face, but you know.. I don't care. Maybe they are right.. Maybe I am just a fuck up. I really wish Josh would of just taken me with him whe he left this world though.
I am so incredibly pissed off. Lets get something strait. If you have something to say to me, then say it to my fucking face! If you think I'm a bitch, That's great! If you hate me, that's even better!! I honestly do NOT give a flying fuck what you think of me. do NOT take it out on my dog, or come into MY house acting like an asshole. More so don't hide behind my fucking brother, whom now I am quite sure hates me! thanks... no REALLY! You had to go and try to work a pity me story, to fucking bad it blew up in your face! Of course everyone is the bad guy though, and you are the poor innocent girl getting picked on for something you didn't say.
In any case, that's all besides the point.
This has been an extreamly hard week for me. Yesterday I had to say goodbye to one of my ex boyfriends, who was also one of my best friends. He died last week, and yesterday was his funeral and everything. I'm positive that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Even though we hadn't seen eachother in so many years, we talked EVERY day. It's so shitty when the only time you honestly realize what you had, and what a person meant to you is after they are gone.
Also Martin is gone out of the picture.. I mean this really dosen't supurise me. How does someone honestly expect you to react when they say "Eaither have sex with me right now, or I'll sleep with someone else" That is just.... wow.
I guess the thing about all that though is I'm not the leat bit sad about him being out of the picture. In fact, I am really overjoyed! I gave him a chance, he fucked it up, proving me right of course, and I'm happy I was right. What I'm unhappy about though is I honestly believe I will NEVER find someone to be with, or love. How many people can honestly say that they'd want a relationship with someone who is having a kid? Yeah.. not many.
Some days I feel myself resenting this kid, but I know it is not his or her's fault. then it just makes me feel like a shitty person for wishing I'd never of gotten pregnant, especially since everyone else is so happy for me. It's hard to be happy when this thing growing inside you is part of someone you hate SO much. I know some people would like to throw an "I told you so" or "You got yourself into this, so deal with it" in my face, but you know.. I don't care. Maybe they are right.. Maybe I am just a fuck up. I really wish Josh would of just taken me with him whe he left this world though.