so much fucking bullshit
just when i think i have my head on straight you come out of left fucking field and throw it out of wack. guess what though, im not going to let you do it this time. i had my mourning time, i had time to be all fucked up mentally and those times are over. im not going to let you be drunk and drive me insane anymore. i feel good again and i will not be lead to feel guilty for it. i sat around waiting and miserable for you but you still havent made up your mind on what it is you want out of life, your life. you say this, you say that, you say some more shit. dont tell me your heart and mind cant get on the same page, here is an idea do what the rest of us do and just pick a choice. sometimes you win and sometimes you lose but at least after you pick both your mind and heart are forced to be on the same page. all i know is that right now im irate with you, all these ups and downs, the no talking for weeks then lets be friends then lets not then okay we can be and then we cant. the need to be like "see you at a bar and i feel the need to say everything i couldnt say months ago" needs to end. why you can do it now, i dont know but it isnt fair. i would like to be friends but i wont do it unless you figure out what it is you want from me and can stick to it, no more blaming it on mind vs heart or blaming it on the booze. just figure it out, because right now im happy without worry of it blowing up in my face at any moment and nights like this make me appreciate it so much more. is it very childish typing this instead of writing it privately, perhaps but it sends a clear message. im happy and i refuse to be made unhappy, so figure your shit out and get back to me. friends, i hope, will be the answer.