"The Reds"
Title: Your Love Is Just A Lie!
Chapter: 1.13 "b-side"
Author: xmrbrightside89
Characters: Fernando Torres,Steven Summers,Steven Gerrard,Xabi Alonso,Pepe Reina
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Some bad words,homosexuality,sex,angst, smutty scenes!
Disclaimer: This is just a fiction,some characters are real and some others not,by the way it's all coming from my own fantasy!
Summary: Changes ...It's time for boys to take part.
Words Count: 6000+
Feeback? Yes, preeeease!
Your Love Is Just a LIE!
1.13 b-side
Steven Summers:
Nobody said It was easy.
Let me die.
No one ever said It would be this hard.
Let me fucking die here. Please.
“What the fuck... is happening here?” Alex shouted with both eyes wide open pointing his forefinger over our naked body. His mouth fully open.
He stared at the my bleached blue jeans which had been forgotten onto the floor. His furious glance slowly cross-hatched an imaginary zig-zag polyline: he started peering at the white socks, moving at the two pairs of blue jeans and then moving again at the two boxer briefs near our queen-size bed... he ended it up looking straight into my eyes. My lost,scared eyes.
Nobody said It was easy.
Is there really a God somewhere up above?
No one ever said It would be this hard.
If you really do exist... please... Let me disappear.
Oh take me back to the start.
I wanna die here... let me die. Here.
“I-I ...” I stuttered and stood up in one second, looking for my boxer and then putting them on to cover a part of my skin and body. Fernando who was right beside me did the same thing, but then he moved his innocent glance on the floor. Probably looking for his yellow tee.
“It's not... it's not what it seems...to be, Alex!” I tried to explain, not even thinking at what I was saying.
All I could say were just stupid nonsense things... I was stuttering bad and my hands and mouth were shaking. I felt like a mouse trying to escape from lions. And Alex. well he was the ruthless predator of the scene.
He gazed in my eyes once again and frowned. then he moved his face to Nando.
The anger was painted on his face but yet, not a single word came out from his mouth.
“Hey Alex... ALEX...Do you have any clue about those t-shirts left on my ... FOR GOD'S SAKE...What- What's happening? Why the hell are yer lads ...naked?”
Steven got right in the room and stopped moving as he saw the scene of me & Fernando stood still in front of them, barely naked. I threw both of my hands on my face as desperation and shame crept inside of me. I so wanted to cry but I was dry ... dry inside. No tears. Just fears. Fear of being dumped, fear of being judged... fear of being myself.
As Nando wrapped his arm around my neck I promptly shook my shoulders as fast as I could to let myself free from his hold. What the fuck was wrong with him? I looked at him annoyed and then moved away...
“Ask him... ask that bitch what's happening...” Alex screamed as he pointed his long finger again over me...
“I-I have ...I have a name Alex... I still have a name...and It-It's Steven...” I cried out, walking towards Alex but he stepped back. Watching his reaction I did the same.
“Hey... Alex... erm, yeah... I ...I can explain all of this... I can!” Nando said and smiled back at him trying to tampon a hopeless cut open wound. I glanced down at the hairy white carpet and I couldn't help myself but looking down.
“Yes? YES? ...Then why don't you explain me this Torres... Why the fuck were you kissing my ...boyfriend on my bed? ... Let me guess, let me guess, let me guess” He took a pause and pressed one of his fingers on his lips as he pretended he was about to think of something “I got it...you accidentally fell over him, Am I right?...and accidentally... 'course always by accident... your dick stuck up his... How do you say that Steven? Oh yeah... ARSE...” he screamed out till he turned red... but then he breathed in and breathed out few times. until he turned pale again.
“No no... That's not the way it happened...Actually...it...”
“NANDO” I and Steven screamed at once to stop him speaking right away. I didn't need other problems and It was pretty obvious that he wasn't helping me to fix that mess at all.
I suddenly glanced at Steven and when our eyes met, It was like we built this tin mental connection that helped me out so much.
“Erm... Nando... I think it's better if yer...if yer come with me... Would yer? Yes?”
He curled his lips up as I mouthed “Thank you” then after few seconds of pure hesitation Fernando glanced down on the floor and shuffled out the room with Steven.
Thank GOD, I'm finally alone. I took a big breath and tried to smile as best as I could as I saw him walking over me.
“I'm- I'm so sorry... I didn't know what happened to me... It... it was” I said
“Alex, please... speak to me, speak... I said I'm sorry... really, I am... I know it's not enough, but... but I AM!”
Alex didn't answer. Neither looked at my face. All he did was just moving frantically around the room, and breathing in and out. His face pretended to be not that angry with me, but I knew that he was freaking out, I knew that he was damned mad at me. I could feel it right in my bones.
For so many reasons, I knew what he was trying to do, I knew him too good. And as he took out his big dark blue luggage my heart simply stumbled down. He unzipped it and began throwing things inside. Random things, with no logic. just throwing socks, shirts, underwear and jeans and so many other things... everything back in as fast and rough as he could. He gritted his white teeth.
“Alex, Alex...ALEXXX,ALEEEEEEEEX” I went down on my knees and tried to stop him, but it was quite impossible. He was like a fury.
I said “Alex, ALEEEEX please... what are you doing? Stop... stop please... we have to talk about this, you can't leave, you just can't leave me... Aleeeex, please.. stop it right now!”
But he seemed not listening to me at all. “Aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex, stop doing that... stop looking for your clothes, you're not moving away from me... You have to give me a chance to explain... you have to, I... I deserve it! And you ... you have to listen... because you love me... and...I-I do love you!”
No matter how much I plead down my knee, he didn't stop himself.
“It's just... It's just ... I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED okay? It's... just happened and don't even ask me how... because I don't know what I was thinking, I don't know what I was doing, I didn't know anything. Nando... he... he was there... and that's ...”
After he threw another pair of blue jeans down his bag, he finally stopped himself as he gazed into my eyes.
“How many times... How many times have you had sex with... him? Tell me... HOW MANY TIMES Steven...” he yelled, bitting his lower lips.
“It doesn't...”
“IT DOES, IT DOES MATTER to me...”
“I...I...” I stuttered and stomped my feet on the ground
“Oh... I get it, thanks for telling me...the truth!” he replied and got back doing his own stuff.
“No, you don't, you don't get it... Alex! And... It doesn't matter how many times I have had sex with Nando... because that meant nothing to me, it was just...random stupid SEX, but you, with you is different... you are different!”
My lips just curled down and I tried to stay quite but It was impossible. It was too much. I started screaming too, but it was just getting worse and worse... and worse. There was no happy ending in this conversation. And I already knew that deep inside. He was slipping through my fingers and he was fading away like voices in the fog. I laid my ass on the floor as I held the corner of his bag with hands.
“Get your dirty hands off my bag , You won't stop me, You can't! I'm leaving now....” he paused “Get out my way”
“No...I won't let you do that”
“Get out Steven” he repeated as he gritted teeth
“NO”
“I SAID GET THE HELL OUT” he screamed and pushed my body away. He slammed his hand over me and I fell. I just fell completely down, clashing my head over the rounded corner of the bed. But it didn't hurt me. I was too high because of those thousand emotions and worries, for thinking of that stupid smack.
“No, No, No, NO” I said “I won't... and you're not going anywhere, you just stay... I don't wanna quit! - YOU CAN'T QUIT Alex, I'm trying to hold my ground and I'm trying to do the best... I know that I was wrong, completely wrong... and I don't wanna blame you, I'd be mad too... but ... but give me a chance. a chance to redeem myself - a chance to survive this!”
Tears slightly feel down both my cheeks. I just couldn't help it. My heart was breaking apart, my mind couldn't focus at his figure anymore. It was all blurry and the background in front of me was blending in just one grayish thing. I sob and cry again. My hands shook and my body literally quivered.
“It's too little...and It's too late... We can't survive ... I don't wanna see your face again... not now, not ever again... ”
Alex closed his bag and as he grabbed it, he walked through the door, not looking at me... I tried to follow him. The scene was completely doleful, It was me... following my boyfriend like a dog with his owner. A owner who was sick & tired of his old dog. A owner who was about to leave his faithful friend somewhere only God know. He went down the granite winding staircase and moved to the hall...
“Please Alex... please, please... I'll do whatever you want, I promise. I'll do whatever you want me to do... but please, please... stay, stay with me... okay? Please? Please!” I grabbed him from his shirt to stop him, I was still crying like crazy. Crying a river.
“We can survive this, we can... it's not over! I can fix this, We can forget it... we went through many ...problems and- and we always did great! we can survive, we can survive if we fight together!”
“I don't wanna fight, I DON'T! this is where we end... this is our last fucking destination...It's over Steven...It's so over!” he said and then looked away. His eyes were looking for something, I knew that he was looking for Gerrard. I gulped and sob again. I brushed my eyes with two fingers to clean them from my tears. I was dying. I was so dying that way.
“Guys... Guys... Please... don't you fight that ... much, you three just need to go back inside, and drink some tea and talk about what happened, I think you'll figure something out...Nando told me everything, and all I can say is that” he glanced at me. his face full of disapprobation. “You need to talk to each other and clarify... it was stupid, and it was wrong... but it's not that deal, I mean... you can fix everything up...If you want to...”
Fernando stood still with his back against a wooden column, both his arms crossed and his glance up on the ceilings.
“I don't” Nando said, kinda whistling... but then after a second he stopped himself. He knew so bad that he was being inappropriate. So he gave up to his good side and left his cocky one away. Meanwhile. I quickly glanced at the blurry brownish wooden door first, then at the blurry shiny crystal chandelier above me... and then again... I looked at my boy.
“I don't want to talk either... there's nothing to say. I knew that something has changed in him” he pointed his hand on me “plus... he works here... I know that he'll get back, right away, to...that Torres... when I'll go back to the States... It's pretty obvious” he laughed off.
“That's not true...I'll be good, I'll...” I bemoaned
“NO... God, I can't even look at you anymore... It's too much, it's too much for me... I look at your face and I feel sick... I feel like vomiting!”
“Please... that's not true... don't tell me that... don't... - I'm still in love with you...I love you Alex” I said as I tried to hug him but he escaped from me like I had have Hansen' disease.
“No... NO, don't even touch me...” he shouted in pain
“You love me, huh? You know what I think about your ...love? That's a lie... Your Love is just a LIE Steven! There's not the way people LOVE others. You're so cheap...” He laughed off at himself.
“What a waste of time...- Let me go home. I just wanna go home now...I'm sick and tired of all of this!”
As he said that, he looked at Steven. he opened the huge front door and went outside... I was stuck. Petrified. Dead inside. The English captain took his car key from the crystal little tray near the entrance and then shrugged. All I could do was stopping him. At least trying to stop his move.
“Steven... please, don't let him go, don't bring him to the airport... I need time to explain myself. he needs time to understand...what happened. To rationalize this huge CRAP. But if you go with him, I'll loose him. I'll loose him forever. And I don't want to... I don't want him to go away from me because of this shit” I cried out again. Steven stared at me for a second, but then, even tho he was sorry for me, he decided to go anyway.
Steven mouthed sorry to me... and then closed the door behind him, telling something. something I haven't really listened to. Suddenly. I realized. I realized that my world. My own world made of lies and fake hopes was suddenly dropped by. As my world was fading away, my last strength left my body, letting my body fall onto the floor. Like a stupid lifeless rag doll.
My knees on the cold ground. My folding arms held tight my shoulders and my forehead smashed on it.
I didn't realize I was still crying. My eyes seemed like two open faucets. I was crying but my soul was away. They could hit me, they could burn me, they could kiss me. I wouldn't have felt anything, anyway.
Black out. Black out. Black out.
I saw a light. A damned annoying light. A white light.
Black. No. Not Black anymore.
I breathed in and out. And then slowly opened my eyes. I found myself sitting on the couch. A white sheet was covering my whole body, and someone was holding me tight. I could feel his regular breath on my neck's skin. His chest expanding and contracting. One. Two. Three times. Before I realized that that wasn't a nightmare at all. My Alex was gone. GONE. And I had the courage to sleep.
I got off of that body from mine. And then I asked for Alex. But too bad. He was already gone.
“Nando...”
“You fell asleep for like 10 minutes... I've taken you from the floor and I've brought you here on the couch... you fell asleep on the floor” he said as he looked into my eyes. He was really sorry for what happened. I could tell that from his freckled face.
“I-I did?” I said with a broken voice. “I ... I have to go, I have to go and reach him to the airport, I still have a chance to not let him go. I so need that. I don't want to break up that way. NO!” I screamed as I got up and suddenly moved to the door. I threw my hands on the air to let Nando hurry. But he wasn't moving from where he was. His butt still on the couch while his head laid on the back.
I had no time to waste. Every second was precious. I pulled out my mobile for calling Alex. But as I thought, his mobile wasn't available. I looked at the time. 10.24 PM. It wasn't that late.
I looked at Nando and then tried to call Steven. I waited few seconds, but nobody answered to my call. I swore, I screamed, I bit my lower lip and I stomped my feet. Nothing. None wanted to help me.
“Nando... Please... I need your help, I need your car key, I have to go...NOW” I screamed
“I don't have my car, Olalla has it and she's in town... I don't even know when they'll come back home...I'm sorry” He moved from the couches to me. Then he grabbed me in his arms. I could feel him. I could feel his strength. His arms. His hands over me. He was too strong. His whole body over mine wouldn't give me a way to escape from him. Neither from that house.
He said as he whispered in my ear.
“I'm sorry chico, but Steve told me to not let you leave this house... that's what Alex ordered to him... and I will not let you leave this house. I won't let you leave me. No.”
“Let me go! LET ME GO NANDO!... I have to go, I need to. Please, please, I beg you. I can't let him go away from me, I just can't - so. Let me go.” I tried to release my body any many ways. But nothing. I just couldn't. I was stuck on his hold.
“I'm sorry... but I can't... Steven. I can't let you go away”
I cried out again. Even tho I thought I had no more tears to shed. No more water in body to expell. I kept crying a river.
“mmm ... argh... mmm ... leave... argh...” I bemoaned
“Sht... sht...sht” he increased his hold. Even tho my body was shaking for emotions and cold, he was hugging me. Hugging me like he wanted to help me out. Like he wanted to try to suck some of my pain... to make me feel better. I glanced down, still moving.
“Please... please... stay with me, stay with me Stewie...” he whispered in my ear. And at those words, I stopped... I stopped fighting him back. My heart stumbled as a thunder passed through it. Stopping my love pump. We both fell down the floor again, his chin over my head, his arms over my body.
“He's gone... He's gone, Nando... He left me. And he's gone... I'm Alone...I am...” I sobbed
“No, no, no... no chico, tu no estás solo, estoy aquì contigo” he whispered in spanish.
“He's gone”
“I won't leave you”
“... He's...”
“I won't leave you alone...” he repeated in my ear.
He held me tight. That tight that I could feel his heart beat.
His already-known scent invaded my nose. And suddenly I felt a bit better.
We were there, struggling in the middle of the night, in that house. In that house where everything ended up. Fernando moved his head and put his chin over my hair. Suddenly, a before-known melody echoed in the room. I recognized it right away. It was his song. He was singing his song for me.
“Na-na na-na na-na na-na Na-Na Na-Na” he sang slowly “Na-na na-na na-na na-na Na-Na Na-Na”
He kept with that for I don't even know how long. But It worked. I was ... there, listening him... and I felt like he didn't want to hurt me... I felt protected.
“Na-na na-na na-na na-na Na-Na Na-Na”
I slowly closed my eyes. The blurry image gently disappeared from my mind... and everything turned black again... but I wasn't alone. I wasn't walking alone in this. I stopped shaking and quivering. I lose all my defenses to him. And I felt better.
There are moments in our lives, when all of us think we can't go through those. That we are not strong enough to make it. That we can't do it alone and That we are all by ourselves in this.But If we close our eyes and think, and listen to our hearts. We will know that we are not alone. We're not dreaming alone. Never.
We close our eyes. And even tho our stupid world has turned around once again, we know that we can cast our shadows away. In one way or another, we close our eyes... and we do it.
We win... We win over those moments.
Nobody said It was easy.
Hold me. Hold me tight.
It's such a shame for us to part.
Don't leave. Don't. Don't leave me alone.
Nobody said It was easy.
I just don't wanna go. I don't wanna go home right now.
No one ever said It would be this Hard.
You won't stay here... Will you?
I'm going back to the start.
Hold me. Kiss me. Thrill ME. Love me; Fernando. Love me, Tonight. Love me, Forever...
Steven Gerrard:
It was five in the morning, and Steven was still awake, night crawling to his residence in Keswick. The first colorless lights of the morning were painting the top of the greenish hills which were surrounding the beautiful landscape. His car still moving, not too fast, not too slow. The purplish sky seemed to promise a good day. No clouds around to dirt it. Just few stars which were still shining. They were pale... but beautiful and unique. Steven gazed at the sky once again and sipped some coffee from Starbucks. Dark and Strong. The way he liked it.
He drove for over one hour and a half before he reached his house, so he decided to stop to a cake shop first. He bought lots of sweets for the others: donuts with many different flavors and colors, yellowish mini apple pies, bright colored fruit tarts, dark brown peppermint rounds and delicious croissants of any sort.
As he got home, after he opened the wooden front door, he brought the cardboard tray in the kitchen and unwrapped it from the paper veil. He caught an apple croissant and put it on his mouth, eating like a half part of it in just one bite.
Steven felt terribly tired, his huge blue eyes still struggling to not fall asleep... He couldn't sleep yet. He wanted to talk to Stewie first, he wanted to know what happened... because that awful situation quite shocked him too. After few seconds of total confusion, he was ready to get out from the non luminous kitchen but a thick voice in the dark let him stop.
“Steven...” Someone called out his name.
“Urm, yeah? ... yeah?” he mumbled focusing on the boy. When his brain realized who was in front of him, he suddenly woke up.
“Hey... Stewie...” he said turning to the table and catching a donut. Then he lengthened his arm towards the American to let him see the pinky sweet. Stewie shook his head as he laid his back against the kitchen sink.
“Why didn't you answer to my call? Why did you keep avoiding it?” Stewie said annoyed. He curled his lips down and frowned as a form of disagreement.
“Alex told me not to” he simply replied as he put down the donut. But then he said “You seemed so ... stick together, I'm talking about you and Alex... of course” he took a pause and thought
“I can't believe that you ... that you had sex with Nando! It was... unpredicted”
It was strange to say... he thought in his mind. It was incredibly unexpected and ... different. He never thought that they had that kind of secret relationship. Now lots of things were more clear for him. All those fights, all those conversations... all those strange comportments. Everything was clear now.
Steven glanced at the floor and then moved to the silver fridge and took out some milk. The yellow neon light inside the fridge irradiated his pale skin and the cold air which came out from it made him shiver. That peppermint sensation on his skin was so good for him. So good that he stayed still for few seconds.
“Things change. And ... and for that... I'm paying consequences... but It's not right... It's not fucking right”
“You had sex with another boy ... I'd be mad as hell too, Stewie... It's your fault!” he raised his voice, but then he lowered it again. He didn't want to be like a stupid... judge.
“But you can't be mad ... at me... because I'm not your boyfriend... and stop judging.. I already know that I was in the wrong, I didn't play fair... but I'm not the only one with problems here...”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing - I just don't mean anything” Stewie said and scratched his left hand with the free one.
“Listen... I'm sorry... I didn't want to judge you... and I didn't really mean to take Alex... at the airport... but... but maybe It was the best thing you could do. letting him go. He needs time, you need time too. Time will fix everything. Trust me!” he said
“I... I hope so... It's just that... I wasn't ready, I didn't really want to break it up that way”
Steven went towards the American ... and put his back against the sink too. He was next to him and he glanced up to the ceiling.
“Why ... Why did you choose Nando?” he asked with a hoarse and tired tone of voice.
Stewie stayed quite for a second... stared at one furniture, motionless then he said
“I-I don't know... I felt like... I felt like a deep connection... between us. And I-I just can't explain that to you... It was like a rush... He made my primeval instincts came out”
“....”
“What?” Stewie asked to him
“Nothing...just don't mind about it” he smiled and then wrapped affectionately his arms around Stewie's shoulders.
“I just want to let you know that ...you'll do great, I know that you'll do WONDERFUL...- and ...also...If you need to talk or a hug or you need some help... or whatever...I want you to know that I'll be there for you Stewie. Always!”
“Thanks... I know you'll... you're my best friend” Stewie said as he laid his head on Steven's shoulder.
“...”
Silence between them... then The English captain started chuckling ...
“What?... What's wrong?”
“Nothing... I was just thinking...” he chuckled
“How can you live without me? ....without your new best friend?”
“Aaaaw. You dope!” Stewie threw his head over him as he chuckled “I wouldn't live at all”
“Yes” he rejoiced “I knew that hehe”
They both laughed as they kept talking of highs and lows.
“Okay. My turn now” Stevie said all excited, bitting a dark peppermint round.
“You top or you bottom?” he said as he cracked up laughing.
Stewie's eyes widened and his mouth fully opened...
“You know... I can't imagine Nando as a top... you know... his girlish look... erm, you know”
“I can't believe you ask me that... erm... plus... he's not girlish! you RAMBO!”
“I'm not Rambo... I'm better than Rambo haha”
They chuckled once again... as the first lights of the morning were hitting the kitchen floor, their voices and laughs and words echoed through the house... suddenly...Steven felt comfortable. he felt happy. he felt better.
***
Steven was sitting alone in the living room with the TV on. And as the others were having their good sweet breakfast, he hit the button of the black remote once again, to change channel.
On tv four guys in a park sitting on wooden benches were laughing at each other, saying stupid things and cracking up about their own jokes. And then the stupid silly laughs on the background. One. Two. Three. Four Times in like 10 seconds of speech. He hated those stupid noises too much, they always annoyed him so much so he changed channel. And changed again... and again... and again.
Now a beautiful and attractive blond woman in a studio working out was talking, trying to convince people to buy her sporty device... she was struggling, sweating and harshly speaking while showing how it worked. a stupid commercial for stupid morons. He thought to himself. And changed channel again. He changed. He changed. He changed. At the end he hit the red button and shut the tv off. He threw the remote over his feet as he turned his back towards the couch.
It didn't take too long for him to fell asleep. but as that, It also didn't take too long for him to awake. A hand slightly touched his shoulder and then he promptly opened his eyes... He turned his back and saw Xabi in front of him, bonded in a white bright light. He slightly enclosed his blue eyes to filter it the better while moved the back of his hand on his forehead. And then mouthed something. Probably a Hi.
“Hey...” Xabi said as he looked around. Then he fell down his knees and kissed Steven on the scraggy cheek. The spaniard moved his face on him and whispered in his ear “Bathroom... now”
Steven didn't move... and closed his eyes again. He was too tired even to speak.
“Xabi... I'm so tired...Can't we go there later? Please...” he said with a tired voice.
But Xabi didn't wanna give up, so he started chuckling and tickling his lover's body.
“Bathroom... Bathroom... Bathroom...” he repeated
“Xabi... you're acting like a kid...”
“Bathroom...Bathroom” he smiled “I need to tell you... um... SOMETHING”
“uhm...” Steven mumbled
“So... Bathroom time?”
The Spaniard grabbed him from his hand and then pulled him off the couch...
“Okay... Okay... Bathroom time...” He said annoyed...
The two boys walked through the house, furtively, like two thieves in the night. They double stepped the granite stairs and reached the bathroom. Xabi's mouth met Steven's, he grabbed his face on his hands and then his tongue went all the way into the English captain. Xabi suddenly pushed him against the wall as he closed the door behind them... and grinned.
“I missed you...” Xabi moaned as he worked all over Steven's neck.
“so much...”
Steven didn't do anything, he closed his eyes and let the Spaniard work over him. He moaned but then he pushed him away.
“Xabi.. Xabi... what are you doing?” he asked as he opened his eyes. “What are we doing?”
The Spanish's midfielder was confused, he could tell that looking at his face...he stayed quite for a second then he slightly moved close to him once again.
“I...I'm turning you on...I wanna do it, I wanna do it right now... Stevie” Xabi tried to kiss him again, but when he saw Steven holding out him, he suddenly stopped.
“What's wrong? Did I do... something wrong to you?” he asked. The British shook his head as no and kept looking down the tiles.
“No... no, It's just that I'm not in the mood ... for having sex, that's all!” he mumbled.
It never ever happened that he refused voluntarily a chance of having sex with Xabi. It was the first time... and he was worried about that, but he wasn't feel like having sex that morning.
The thought of Alex and Steven popped in his mind once again, like a huge flash in the night during a storm. In his mind's eye and ear he peered himself listening to what Alex said to him. And then he saw Stewie. And then again he saw the picture of the two Americans fighting.
He had to admit that when he went back home he had lots of time to think about his hidden relationship with Xabi. And he came to a conclusion.. and that conclusion was about certainties. Steven needed certainties ...No second-guess. He just couldn't go through that for longer. If they wanted to be together than they had to be truly together. Like a true couple. As Stewie told him, once ... he wanted to be the one to walk in the sun. with his love. He didn't want to be a shadow of Xabi's fake straight relationship. He just didn't want that anymore.
“Not in the mood? What does that mean Steven? You're always in the mood... you...”
“It's just that...” Steven took a pause as he looked at the glassy shower
“We need to talk...”
“So..let's talk” Xabi said, hardly breathing and laying his body against the wall.
“Did you talk to Nagore? ...” he looked straight in Xabi's eyes. The Spaniard took few seconds to reply but then he nodded
“Yes... I-I did” he replied
“You're lying... Xabi” Steven said frankly as he got closer to him and put his fist against the wall to freeze the Spaniard.
“I'm not”
“I know you too much, you can't lie to me anymore” he scratched his nose “Your eyes are doing that thing... they don't match your mouth at all...- why didn't you tell her anything? You promised me ...”
“I didn't... I didn't promise you anything... I just said that I'd have tried to talk to her...but” he said
“but...you had no guts.. Right?” Steven added and glanced away. He took a big breath and then continued.
“Why do you care? I don't care... I mean, we're doing fine Steven, we're good together and we have no problems...see? we're still together, we had sex together even Nagore was around here...we're doing fine... why do we have to screw things up that way? You're so overpushing me into this...I'm tired”
As he heard those words, his deeper and angriest part suddenly awoke. He couldn't believe that he just said that. Was he the only one who really cared about it?
“I am overpushing you...” he said “Yes... I am..I fucking am.. because I don't wanna be the second lover... I don't wanna be just a random for you... that's why I'm overpushing you Xabi... because I'm tired ...tired of not being the ONE for you”
“But... but you're the only one for me”
“Then show me... show me that I'm the only one... CHRIST!” he shouted as he held Xabi with his big hands from the elbows.
“Show me how much you want this relationship to survive... show me how much you really care about me & you... show me... show me something. Anything. For God's sake” he screamed again...
“...I...I...” Xabi stuttered...
Steven stared at him for a while, then he glanced away as he understood his intentions. Or better... his non-intentions.
“Thank you... That's all I needed to hear from you... now everything is more clear...” he frowned and loosened his wrap on him.
“I guess... I guess it's time for both of us... to take a pause...I need a pause to think... about us!”
“What? What? Hey baby... baby...baby - what? What does that mean? What? I don't understand... talk to me...” Xabi screamed in fear. His expression turned in like one second. “We-we don't need any pause... we don't! - there's nothing to think about...we are okay together, right? Right? Yes...? yess”
“I need time Xabi... I need time to think: about our relationship, about myself and about my future...If you... care... about me, about us then don't fight this...just... let this happen...” Steven moved away, towards the exit. and Xabi followed him
“I...I don't undestand... Why can't we talk here? - Baby, baby ...what... what happened to you? I want to know why you change your mind this way... tell me, please...”
Silence. Silence between them.
“We'll talk later, when we'll get back to Liverpool... now... It's better if we go back downstairs to the others...” he said opening the door.
“Are... are you breaking up with ... me? Are you dumping me, Stevie?” Xabi cried out
“... It's up to you Xabier... Time will only tell us what's better for us...both...”
And as he said that, He closed the door behind him, not looking back, not facing the sadness painted on Xabi's face. Steven closed the door ...and he suddenly disappeared as a wave in the rush of the ocean...
TO BE CONTINUED...
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Next Chapter: 1.14 "Who Knew"
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Hope you like this chapter, BTW, I'll post a proper comment as soon as possible...
NOW MATCH TIME YAAAAY, go liverpoooool, go!
Chapter: 1.13 "b-side"
Author: xmrbrightside89
Characters: Fernando Torres,Steven Summers,Steven Gerrard,Xabi Alonso,Pepe Reina
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Some bad words,homosexuality,sex,angst, smutty scenes!
Disclaimer: This is just a fiction,some characters are real and some others not,by the way it's all coming from my own fantasy!
Summary: Changes ...It's time for boys to take part.
Words Count: 6000+
Feeback? Yes, preeeease!
Your Love Is Just a LIE!
1.13 b-side
Steven Summers:
Nobody said It was easy.
Let me die.
No one ever said It would be this hard.
Let me fucking die here. Please.
“What the fuck... is happening here?” Alex shouted with both eyes wide open pointing his forefinger over our naked body. His mouth fully open.
He stared at the my bleached blue jeans which had been forgotten onto the floor. His furious glance slowly cross-hatched an imaginary zig-zag polyline: he started peering at the white socks, moving at the two pairs of blue jeans and then moving again at the two boxer briefs near our queen-size bed... he ended it up looking straight into my eyes. My lost,scared eyes.
Nobody said It was easy.
Is there really a God somewhere up above?
No one ever said It would be this hard.
If you really do exist... please... Let me disappear.
Oh take me back to the start.
I wanna die here... let me die. Here.
“I-I ...” I stuttered and stood up in one second, looking for my boxer and then putting them on to cover a part of my skin and body. Fernando who was right beside me did the same thing, but then he moved his innocent glance on the floor. Probably looking for his yellow tee.
“It's not... it's not what it seems...to be, Alex!” I tried to explain, not even thinking at what I was saying.
All I could say were just stupid nonsense things... I was stuttering bad and my hands and mouth were shaking. I felt like a mouse trying to escape from lions. And Alex. well he was the ruthless predator of the scene.
He gazed in my eyes once again and frowned. then he moved his face to Nando.
The anger was painted on his face but yet, not a single word came out from his mouth.
“Hey Alex... ALEX...Do you have any clue about those t-shirts left on my ... FOR GOD'S SAKE...What- What's happening? Why the hell are yer lads ...naked?”
Steven got right in the room and stopped moving as he saw the scene of me & Fernando stood still in front of them, barely naked. I threw both of my hands on my face as desperation and shame crept inside of me. I so wanted to cry but I was dry ... dry inside. No tears. Just fears. Fear of being dumped, fear of being judged... fear of being myself.
As Nando wrapped his arm around my neck I promptly shook my shoulders as fast as I could to let myself free from his hold. What the fuck was wrong with him? I looked at him annoyed and then moved away...
“Ask him... ask that bitch what's happening...” Alex screamed as he pointed his long finger again over me...
“I-I have ...I have a name Alex... I still have a name...and It-It's Steven...” I cried out, walking towards Alex but he stepped back. Watching his reaction I did the same.
“Hey... Alex... erm, yeah... I ...I can explain all of this... I can!” Nando said and smiled back at him trying to tampon a hopeless cut open wound. I glanced down at the hairy white carpet and I couldn't help myself but looking down.
“Yes? YES? ...Then why don't you explain me this Torres... Why the fuck were you kissing my ...boyfriend on my bed? ... Let me guess, let me guess, let me guess” He took a pause and pressed one of his fingers on his lips as he pretended he was about to think of something “I got it...you accidentally fell over him, Am I right?...and accidentally... 'course always by accident... your dick stuck up his... How do you say that Steven? Oh yeah... ARSE...” he screamed out till he turned red... but then he breathed in and breathed out few times. until he turned pale again.
“No no... That's not the way it happened...Actually...it...”
“NANDO” I and Steven screamed at once to stop him speaking right away. I didn't need other problems and It was pretty obvious that he wasn't helping me to fix that mess at all.
I suddenly glanced at Steven and when our eyes met, It was like we built this tin mental connection that helped me out so much.
“Erm... Nando... I think it's better if yer...if yer come with me... Would yer? Yes?”
He curled his lips up as I mouthed “Thank you” then after few seconds of pure hesitation Fernando glanced down on the floor and shuffled out the room with Steven.
Thank GOD, I'm finally alone. I took a big breath and tried to smile as best as I could as I saw him walking over me.
“I'm- I'm so sorry... I didn't know what happened to me... It... it was” I said
“Alex, please... speak to me, speak... I said I'm sorry... really, I am... I know it's not enough, but... but I AM!”
Alex didn't answer. Neither looked at my face. All he did was just moving frantically around the room, and breathing in and out. His face pretended to be not that angry with me, but I knew that he was freaking out, I knew that he was damned mad at me. I could feel it right in my bones.
For so many reasons, I knew what he was trying to do, I knew him too good. And as he took out his big dark blue luggage my heart simply stumbled down. He unzipped it and began throwing things inside. Random things, with no logic. just throwing socks, shirts, underwear and jeans and so many other things... everything back in as fast and rough as he could. He gritted his white teeth.
“Alex, Alex...ALEXXX,ALEEEEEEEEX” I went down on my knees and tried to stop him, but it was quite impossible. He was like a fury.
I said “Alex, ALEEEEX please... what are you doing? Stop... stop please... we have to talk about this, you can't leave, you just can't leave me... Aleeeex, please.. stop it right now!”
But he seemed not listening to me at all. “Aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex, stop doing that... stop looking for your clothes, you're not moving away from me... You have to give me a chance to explain... you have to, I... I deserve it! And you ... you have to listen... because you love me... and...I-I do love you!”
No matter how much I plead down my knee, he didn't stop himself.
“It's just... It's just ... I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED okay? It's... just happened and don't even ask me how... because I don't know what I was thinking, I don't know what I was doing, I didn't know anything. Nando... he... he was there... and that's ...”
After he threw another pair of blue jeans down his bag, he finally stopped himself as he gazed into my eyes.
“How many times... How many times have you had sex with... him? Tell me... HOW MANY TIMES Steven...” he yelled, bitting his lower lips.
“It doesn't...”
“IT DOES, IT DOES MATTER to me...”
“I...I...” I stuttered and stomped my feet on the ground
“Oh... I get it, thanks for telling me...the truth!” he replied and got back doing his own stuff.
“No, you don't, you don't get it... Alex! And... It doesn't matter how many times I have had sex with Nando... because that meant nothing to me, it was just...random stupid SEX, but you, with you is different... you are different!”
My lips just curled down and I tried to stay quite but It was impossible. It was too much. I started screaming too, but it was just getting worse and worse... and worse. There was no happy ending in this conversation. And I already knew that deep inside. He was slipping through my fingers and he was fading away like voices in the fog. I laid my ass on the floor as I held the corner of his bag with hands.
“Get your dirty hands off my bag , You won't stop me, You can't! I'm leaving now....” he paused “Get out my way”
“No...I won't let you do that”
“Get out Steven” he repeated as he gritted teeth
“NO”
“I SAID GET THE HELL OUT” he screamed and pushed my body away. He slammed his hand over me and I fell. I just fell completely down, clashing my head over the rounded corner of the bed. But it didn't hurt me. I was too high because of those thousand emotions and worries, for thinking of that stupid smack.
“No, No, No, NO” I said “I won't... and you're not going anywhere, you just stay... I don't wanna quit! - YOU CAN'T QUIT Alex, I'm trying to hold my ground and I'm trying to do the best... I know that I was wrong, completely wrong... and I don't wanna blame you, I'd be mad too... but ... but give me a chance. a chance to redeem myself - a chance to survive this!”
Tears slightly feel down both my cheeks. I just couldn't help it. My heart was breaking apart, my mind couldn't focus at his figure anymore. It was all blurry and the background in front of me was blending in just one grayish thing. I sob and cry again. My hands shook and my body literally quivered.
“It's too little...and It's too late... We can't survive ... I don't wanna see your face again... not now, not ever again... ”
Alex closed his bag and as he grabbed it, he walked through the door, not looking at me... I tried to follow him. The scene was completely doleful, It was me... following my boyfriend like a dog with his owner. A owner who was sick & tired of his old dog. A owner who was about to leave his faithful friend somewhere only God know. He went down the granite winding staircase and moved to the hall...
“Please Alex... please, please... I'll do whatever you want, I promise. I'll do whatever you want me to do... but please, please... stay, stay with me... okay? Please? Please!” I grabbed him from his shirt to stop him, I was still crying like crazy. Crying a river.
“We can survive this, we can... it's not over! I can fix this, We can forget it... we went through many ...problems and- and we always did great! we can survive, we can survive if we fight together!”
“I don't wanna fight, I DON'T! this is where we end... this is our last fucking destination...It's over Steven...It's so over!” he said and then looked away. His eyes were looking for something, I knew that he was looking for Gerrard. I gulped and sob again. I brushed my eyes with two fingers to clean them from my tears. I was dying. I was so dying that way.
“Guys... Guys... Please... don't you fight that ... much, you three just need to go back inside, and drink some tea and talk about what happened, I think you'll figure something out...Nando told me everything, and all I can say is that” he glanced at me. his face full of disapprobation. “You need to talk to each other and clarify... it was stupid, and it was wrong... but it's not that deal, I mean... you can fix everything up...If you want to...”
Fernando stood still with his back against a wooden column, both his arms crossed and his glance up on the ceilings.
“I don't” Nando said, kinda whistling... but then after a second he stopped himself. He knew so bad that he was being inappropriate. So he gave up to his good side and left his cocky one away. Meanwhile. I quickly glanced at the blurry brownish wooden door first, then at the blurry shiny crystal chandelier above me... and then again... I looked at my boy.
“I don't want to talk either... there's nothing to say. I knew that something has changed in him” he pointed his hand on me “plus... he works here... I know that he'll get back, right away, to...that Torres... when I'll go back to the States... It's pretty obvious” he laughed off.
“That's not true...I'll be good, I'll...” I bemoaned
“NO... God, I can't even look at you anymore... It's too much, it's too much for me... I look at your face and I feel sick... I feel like vomiting!”
“Please... that's not true... don't tell me that... don't... - I'm still in love with you...I love you Alex” I said as I tried to hug him but he escaped from me like I had have Hansen' disease.
“No... NO, don't even touch me...” he shouted in pain
“You love me, huh? You know what I think about your ...love? That's a lie... Your Love is just a LIE Steven! There's not the way people LOVE others. You're so cheap...” He laughed off at himself.
“What a waste of time...- Let me go home. I just wanna go home now...I'm sick and tired of all of this!”
As he said that, he looked at Steven. he opened the huge front door and went outside... I was stuck. Petrified. Dead inside. The English captain took his car key from the crystal little tray near the entrance and then shrugged. All I could do was stopping him. At least trying to stop his move.
“Steven... please, don't let him go, don't bring him to the airport... I need time to explain myself. he needs time to understand...what happened. To rationalize this huge CRAP. But if you go with him, I'll loose him. I'll loose him forever. And I don't want to... I don't want him to go away from me because of this shit” I cried out again. Steven stared at me for a second, but then, even tho he was sorry for me, he decided to go anyway.
Steven mouthed sorry to me... and then closed the door behind him, telling something. something I haven't really listened to. Suddenly. I realized. I realized that my world. My own world made of lies and fake hopes was suddenly dropped by. As my world was fading away, my last strength left my body, letting my body fall onto the floor. Like a stupid lifeless rag doll.
My knees on the cold ground. My folding arms held tight my shoulders and my forehead smashed on it.
I didn't realize I was still crying. My eyes seemed like two open faucets. I was crying but my soul was away. They could hit me, they could burn me, they could kiss me. I wouldn't have felt anything, anyway.
Black out. Black out. Black out.
I saw a light. A damned annoying light. A white light.
Black. No. Not Black anymore.
I breathed in and out. And then slowly opened my eyes. I found myself sitting on the couch. A white sheet was covering my whole body, and someone was holding me tight. I could feel his regular breath on my neck's skin. His chest expanding and contracting. One. Two. Three times. Before I realized that that wasn't a nightmare at all. My Alex was gone. GONE. And I had the courage to sleep.
I got off of that body from mine. And then I asked for Alex. But too bad. He was already gone.
“Nando...”
“You fell asleep for like 10 minutes... I've taken you from the floor and I've brought you here on the couch... you fell asleep on the floor” he said as he looked into my eyes. He was really sorry for what happened. I could tell that from his freckled face.
“I-I did?” I said with a broken voice. “I ... I have to go, I have to go and reach him to the airport, I still have a chance to not let him go. I so need that. I don't want to break up that way. NO!” I screamed as I got up and suddenly moved to the door. I threw my hands on the air to let Nando hurry. But he wasn't moving from where he was. His butt still on the couch while his head laid on the back.
I had no time to waste. Every second was precious. I pulled out my mobile for calling Alex. But as I thought, his mobile wasn't available. I looked at the time. 10.24 PM. It wasn't that late.
I looked at Nando and then tried to call Steven. I waited few seconds, but nobody answered to my call. I swore, I screamed, I bit my lower lip and I stomped my feet. Nothing. None wanted to help me.
“Nando... Please... I need your help, I need your car key, I have to go...NOW” I screamed
“I don't have my car, Olalla has it and she's in town... I don't even know when they'll come back home...I'm sorry” He moved from the couches to me. Then he grabbed me in his arms. I could feel him. I could feel his strength. His arms. His hands over me. He was too strong. His whole body over mine wouldn't give me a way to escape from him. Neither from that house.
He said as he whispered in my ear.
“I'm sorry chico, but Steve told me to not let you leave this house... that's what Alex ordered to him... and I will not let you leave this house. I won't let you leave me. No.”
“Let me go! LET ME GO NANDO!... I have to go, I need to. Please, please, I beg you. I can't let him go away from me, I just can't - so. Let me go.” I tried to release my body any many ways. But nothing. I just couldn't. I was stuck on his hold.
“I'm sorry... but I can't... Steven. I can't let you go away”
I cried out again. Even tho I thought I had no more tears to shed. No more water in body to expell. I kept crying a river.
“mmm ... argh... mmm ... leave... argh...” I bemoaned
“Sht... sht...sht” he increased his hold. Even tho my body was shaking for emotions and cold, he was hugging me. Hugging me like he wanted to help me out. Like he wanted to try to suck some of my pain... to make me feel better. I glanced down, still moving.
“Please... please... stay with me, stay with me Stewie...” he whispered in my ear. And at those words, I stopped... I stopped fighting him back. My heart stumbled as a thunder passed through it. Stopping my love pump. We both fell down the floor again, his chin over my head, his arms over my body.
“He's gone... He's gone, Nando... He left me. And he's gone... I'm Alone...I am...” I sobbed
“No, no, no... no chico, tu no estás solo, estoy aquì contigo” he whispered in spanish.
“He's gone”
“I won't leave you”
“... He's...”
“I won't leave you alone...” he repeated in my ear.
He held me tight. That tight that I could feel his heart beat.
His already-known scent invaded my nose. And suddenly I felt a bit better.
We were there, struggling in the middle of the night, in that house. In that house where everything ended up. Fernando moved his head and put his chin over my hair. Suddenly, a before-known melody echoed in the room. I recognized it right away. It was his song. He was singing his song for me.
“Na-na na-na na-na na-na Na-Na Na-Na” he sang slowly “Na-na na-na na-na na-na Na-Na Na-Na”
He kept with that for I don't even know how long. But It worked. I was ... there, listening him... and I felt like he didn't want to hurt me... I felt protected.
“Na-na na-na na-na na-na Na-Na Na-Na”
I slowly closed my eyes. The blurry image gently disappeared from my mind... and everything turned black again... but I wasn't alone. I wasn't walking alone in this. I stopped shaking and quivering. I lose all my defenses to him. And I felt better.
There are moments in our lives, when all of us think we can't go through those. That we are not strong enough to make it. That we can't do it alone and That we are all by ourselves in this.But If we close our eyes and think, and listen to our hearts. We will know that we are not alone. We're not dreaming alone. Never.
We close our eyes. And even tho our stupid world has turned around once again, we know that we can cast our shadows away. In one way or another, we close our eyes... and we do it.
We win... We win over those moments.
Nobody said It was easy.
Hold me. Hold me tight.
It's such a shame for us to part.
Don't leave. Don't. Don't leave me alone.
Nobody said It was easy.
I just don't wanna go. I don't wanna go home right now.
No one ever said It would be this Hard.
You won't stay here... Will you?
I'm going back to the start.
Hold me. Kiss me. Thrill ME. Love me; Fernando. Love me, Tonight. Love me, Forever...
Steven Gerrard:
It was five in the morning, and Steven was still awake, night crawling to his residence in Keswick. The first colorless lights of the morning were painting the top of the greenish hills which were surrounding the beautiful landscape. His car still moving, not too fast, not too slow. The purplish sky seemed to promise a good day. No clouds around to dirt it. Just few stars which were still shining. They were pale... but beautiful and unique. Steven gazed at the sky once again and sipped some coffee from Starbucks. Dark and Strong. The way he liked it.
He drove for over one hour and a half before he reached his house, so he decided to stop to a cake shop first. He bought lots of sweets for the others: donuts with many different flavors and colors, yellowish mini apple pies, bright colored fruit tarts, dark brown peppermint rounds and delicious croissants of any sort.
As he got home, after he opened the wooden front door, he brought the cardboard tray in the kitchen and unwrapped it from the paper veil. He caught an apple croissant and put it on his mouth, eating like a half part of it in just one bite.
Steven felt terribly tired, his huge blue eyes still struggling to not fall asleep... He couldn't sleep yet. He wanted to talk to Stewie first, he wanted to know what happened... because that awful situation quite shocked him too. After few seconds of total confusion, he was ready to get out from the non luminous kitchen but a thick voice in the dark let him stop.
“Steven...” Someone called out his name.
“Urm, yeah? ... yeah?” he mumbled focusing on the boy. When his brain realized who was in front of him, he suddenly woke up.
“Hey... Stewie...” he said turning to the table and catching a donut. Then he lengthened his arm towards the American to let him see the pinky sweet. Stewie shook his head as he laid his back against the kitchen sink.
“Why didn't you answer to my call? Why did you keep avoiding it?” Stewie said annoyed. He curled his lips down and frowned as a form of disagreement.
“Alex told me not to” he simply replied as he put down the donut. But then he said “You seemed so ... stick together, I'm talking about you and Alex... of course” he took a pause and thought
“I can't believe that you ... that you had sex with Nando! It was... unpredicted”
It was strange to say... he thought in his mind. It was incredibly unexpected and ... different. He never thought that they had that kind of secret relationship. Now lots of things were more clear for him. All those fights, all those conversations... all those strange comportments. Everything was clear now.
Steven glanced at the floor and then moved to the silver fridge and took out some milk. The yellow neon light inside the fridge irradiated his pale skin and the cold air which came out from it made him shiver. That peppermint sensation on his skin was so good for him. So good that he stayed still for few seconds.
“Things change. And ... and for that... I'm paying consequences... but It's not right... It's not fucking right”
“You had sex with another boy ... I'd be mad as hell too, Stewie... It's your fault!” he raised his voice, but then he lowered it again. He didn't want to be like a stupid... judge.
“But you can't be mad ... at me... because I'm not your boyfriend... and stop judging.. I already know that I was in the wrong, I didn't play fair... but I'm not the only one with problems here...”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing - I just don't mean anything” Stewie said and scratched his left hand with the free one.
“Listen... I'm sorry... I didn't want to judge you... and I didn't really mean to take Alex... at the airport... but... but maybe It was the best thing you could do. letting him go. He needs time, you need time too. Time will fix everything. Trust me!” he said
“I... I hope so... It's just that... I wasn't ready, I didn't really want to break it up that way”
Steven went towards the American ... and put his back against the sink too. He was next to him and he glanced up to the ceiling.
“Why ... Why did you choose Nando?” he asked with a hoarse and tired tone of voice.
Stewie stayed quite for a second... stared at one furniture, motionless then he said
“I-I don't know... I felt like... I felt like a deep connection... between us. And I-I just can't explain that to you... It was like a rush... He made my primeval instincts came out”
“....”
“What?” Stewie asked to him
“Nothing...just don't mind about it” he smiled and then wrapped affectionately his arms around Stewie's shoulders.
“I just want to let you know that ...you'll do great, I know that you'll do WONDERFUL...- and ...also...If you need to talk or a hug or you need some help... or whatever...I want you to know that I'll be there for you Stewie. Always!”
“Thanks... I know you'll... you're my best friend” Stewie said as he laid his head on Steven's shoulder.
“...”
Silence between them... then The English captain started chuckling ...
“What?... What's wrong?”
“Nothing... I was just thinking...” he chuckled
“How can you live without me? ....without your new best friend?”
“Aaaaw. You dope!” Stewie threw his head over him as he chuckled “I wouldn't live at all”
“Yes” he rejoiced “I knew that hehe”
They both laughed as they kept talking of highs and lows.
“Okay. My turn now” Stevie said all excited, bitting a dark peppermint round.
“You top or you bottom?” he said as he cracked up laughing.
Stewie's eyes widened and his mouth fully opened...
“You know... I can't imagine Nando as a top... you know... his girlish look... erm, you know”
“I can't believe you ask me that... erm... plus... he's not girlish! you RAMBO!”
“I'm not Rambo... I'm better than Rambo haha”
They chuckled once again... as the first lights of the morning were hitting the kitchen floor, their voices and laughs and words echoed through the house... suddenly...Steven felt comfortable. he felt happy. he felt better.
***
Steven was sitting alone in the living room with the TV on. And as the others were having their good sweet breakfast, he hit the button of the black remote once again, to change channel.
On tv four guys in a park sitting on wooden benches were laughing at each other, saying stupid things and cracking up about their own jokes. And then the stupid silly laughs on the background. One. Two. Three. Four Times in like 10 seconds of speech. He hated those stupid noises too much, they always annoyed him so much so he changed channel. And changed again... and again... and again.
Now a beautiful and attractive blond woman in a studio working out was talking, trying to convince people to buy her sporty device... she was struggling, sweating and harshly speaking while showing how it worked. a stupid commercial for stupid morons. He thought to himself. And changed channel again. He changed. He changed. He changed. At the end he hit the red button and shut the tv off. He threw the remote over his feet as he turned his back towards the couch.
It didn't take too long for him to fell asleep. but as that, It also didn't take too long for him to awake. A hand slightly touched his shoulder and then he promptly opened his eyes... He turned his back and saw Xabi in front of him, bonded in a white bright light. He slightly enclosed his blue eyes to filter it the better while moved the back of his hand on his forehead. And then mouthed something. Probably a Hi.
“Hey...” Xabi said as he looked around. Then he fell down his knees and kissed Steven on the scraggy cheek. The spaniard moved his face on him and whispered in his ear “Bathroom... now”
Steven didn't move... and closed his eyes again. He was too tired even to speak.
“Xabi... I'm so tired...Can't we go there later? Please...” he said with a tired voice.
But Xabi didn't wanna give up, so he started chuckling and tickling his lover's body.
“Bathroom... Bathroom... Bathroom...” he repeated
“Xabi... you're acting like a kid...”
“Bathroom...Bathroom” he smiled “I need to tell you... um... SOMETHING”
“uhm...” Steven mumbled
“So... Bathroom time?”
The Spaniard grabbed him from his hand and then pulled him off the couch...
“Okay... Okay... Bathroom time...” He said annoyed...
The two boys walked through the house, furtively, like two thieves in the night. They double stepped the granite stairs and reached the bathroom. Xabi's mouth met Steven's, he grabbed his face on his hands and then his tongue went all the way into the English captain. Xabi suddenly pushed him against the wall as he closed the door behind them... and grinned.
“I missed you...” Xabi moaned as he worked all over Steven's neck.
“so much...”
Steven didn't do anything, he closed his eyes and let the Spaniard work over him. He moaned but then he pushed him away.
“Xabi.. Xabi... what are you doing?” he asked as he opened his eyes. “What are we doing?”
The Spanish's midfielder was confused, he could tell that looking at his face...he stayed quite for a second then he slightly moved close to him once again.
“I...I'm turning you on...I wanna do it, I wanna do it right now... Stevie” Xabi tried to kiss him again, but when he saw Steven holding out him, he suddenly stopped.
“What's wrong? Did I do... something wrong to you?” he asked. The British shook his head as no and kept looking down the tiles.
“No... no, It's just that I'm not in the mood ... for having sex, that's all!” he mumbled.
It never ever happened that he refused voluntarily a chance of having sex with Xabi. It was the first time... and he was worried about that, but he wasn't feel like having sex that morning.
The thought of Alex and Steven popped in his mind once again, like a huge flash in the night during a storm. In his mind's eye and ear he peered himself listening to what Alex said to him. And then he saw Stewie. And then again he saw the picture of the two Americans fighting.
He had to admit that when he went back home he had lots of time to think about his hidden relationship with Xabi. And he came to a conclusion.. and that conclusion was about certainties. Steven needed certainties ...No second-guess. He just couldn't go through that for longer. If they wanted to be together than they had to be truly together. Like a true couple. As Stewie told him, once ... he wanted to be the one to walk in the sun. with his love. He didn't want to be a shadow of Xabi's fake straight relationship. He just didn't want that anymore.
“Not in the mood? What does that mean Steven? You're always in the mood... you...”
“It's just that...” Steven took a pause as he looked at the glassy shower
“We need to talk...”
“So..let's talk” Xabi said, hardly breathing and laying his body against the wall.
“Did you talk to Nagore? ...” he looked straight in Xabi's eyes. The Spaniard took few seconds to reply but then he nodded
“Yes... I-I did” he replied
“You're lying... Xabi” Steven said frankly as he got closer to him and put his fist against the wall to freeze the Spaniard.
“I'm not”
“I know you too much, you can't lie to me anymore” he scratched his nose “Your eyes are doing that thing... they don't match your mouth at all...- why didn't you tell her anything? You promised me ...”
“I didn't... I didn't promise you anything... I just said that I'd have tried to talk to her...but” he said
“but...you had no guts.. Right?” Steven added and glanced away. He took a big breath and then continued.
“Why do you care? I don't care... I mean, we're doing fine Steven, we're good together and we have no problems...see? we're still together, we had sex together even Nagore was around here...we're doing fine... why do we have to screw things up that way? You're so overpushing me into this...I'm tired”
As he heard those words, his deeper and angriest part suddenly awoke. He couldn't believe that he just said that. Was he the only one who really cared about it?
“I am overpushing you...” he said “Yes... I am..I fucking am.. because I don't wanna be the second lover... I don't wanna be just a random for you... that's why I'm overpushing you Xabi... because I'm tired ...tired of not being the ONE for you”
“But... but you're the only one for me”
“Then show me... show me that I'm the only one... CHRIST!” he shouted as he held Xabi with his big hands from the elbows.
“Show me how much you want this relationship to survive... show me how much you really care about me & you... show me... show me something. Anything. For God's sake” he screamed again...
“...I...I...” Xabi stuttered...
Steven stared at him for a while, then he glanced away as he understood his intentions. Or better... his non-intentions.
“Thank you... That's all I needed to hear from you... now everything is more clear...” he frowned and loosened his wrap on him.
“I guess... I guess it's time for both of us... to take a pause...I need a pause to think... about us!”
“What? What? Hey baby... baby...baby - what? What does that mean? What? I don't understand... talk to me...” Xabi screamed in fear. His expression turned in like one second. “We-we don't need any pause... we don't! - there's nothing to think about...we are okay together, right? Right? Yes...? yess”
“I need time Xabi... I need time to think: about our relationship, about myself and about my future...If you... care... about me, about us then don't fight this...just... let this happen...” Steven moved away, towards the exit. and Xabi followed him
“I...I don't undestand... Why can't we talk here? - Baby, baby ...what... what happened to you? I want to know why you change your mind this way... tell me, please...”
Silence. Silence between them.
“We'll talk later, when we'll get back to Liverpool... now... It's better if we go back downstairs to the others...” he said opening the door.
“Are... are you breaking up with ... me? Are you dumping me, Stevie?” Xabi cried out
“... It's up to you Xabier... Time will only tell us what's better for us...both...”
And as he said that, He closed the door behind him, not looking back, not facing the sadness painted on Xabi's face. Steven closed the door ...and he suddenly disappeared as a wave in the rush of the ocean...
TO BE CONTINUED...
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Next Chapter: 1.14 "Who Knew"
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Hope you like this chapter, BTW, I'll post a proper comment as soon as possible...
NOW MATCH TIME YAAAAY, go liverpoooool, go!