(no subject)
so here i am.
considering no one reads this anymore. i thought it would be the perfect place to vent.
The last couple of weeks have been a huge blur. I'm sure the drugs had a huge part in that. I guess
that part was a whole lot worse than everyone knows. Even my closest partners in crime.
But i'm still not sure exactly what is going on. I went to church and i felt like this is right
for once but i still feel completely lost in this mess i have created. I feel horrible for hurting
Jessica because I know she is the only one that cares about me. For some reason it scares me to love
and to not be loved. There are so many angles and complexities in my life that i just feel cornered with
emotion. I thought Nashville would be a good way to start over but i truely feel empty. The worst
feeling is knowing i did it to myself and i now know i am the uncertain bastard that i have always
feared. Ever since i can remember i have been so afraid of what my father is but yet i have known that
one day i will become the man i so deaply hate. So much has changed since the death of my mother i don't feel like the same person. i have felt like i have been in a dream for so long and i have been fighting with everything i have to wake up.
I need something constant.
considering no one reads this anymore. i thought it would be the perfect place to vent.
The last couple of weeks have been a huge blur. I'm sure the drugs had a huge part in that. I guess
that part was a whole lot worse than everyone knows. Even my closest partners in crime.
But i'm still not sure exactly what is going on. I went to church and i felt like this is right
for once but i still feel completely lost in this mess i have created. I feel horrible for hurting
Jessica because I know she is the only one that cares about me. For some reason it scares me to love
and to not be loved. There are so many angles and complexities in my life that i just feel cornered with
emotion. I thought Nashville would be a good way to start over but i truely feel empty. The worst
feeling is knowing i did it to myself and i now know i am the uncertain bastard that i have always
feared. Ever since i can remember i have been so afraid of what my father is but yet i have known that
one day i will become the man i so deaply hate. So much has changed since the death of my mother i don't feel like the same person. i have felt like i have been in a dream for so long and i have been fighting with everything i have to wake up.
I need something constant.