The Big White Room (unfinished)
In one big white room with high ceilings and no windows stands a girl
She stands alone with noone by her side, she has an uneasiness about her that she cannot hide
Suddenly the white room becomes the scene of a crime, like a murder but the crimminal is fictional
Soon a large amount of space in this room will decrease and the girl will no longer be visible...
because one by one the thoughts come racing in with ease...
feelings of emptyness, feelings of sorrow, feelings of doubt, all sorts of emotions to the most unpleasurable degrees
She crawls over to the corner of the big white room to await her gloom
the thoughts boast in like wars, destroying and dimming the atomsphere, annihilating the geosphere
A place where noone is a winner and everyday's a battlefield without the shields
The wars physically do not hurt her but within her self the war is growing
Taking over and operating, the mind ,this persona, and developing a mind of it's own
Then with such great strength and domination.....
~christina
This is incomplete... as you can tell a friend of mine said to me...captcueball : you have a place, then conflict....and a struggle with it...but no resolution..that is why it feels incomplete
captcueball : much can be a refelction of self Boy he isn't lying. This same friend of mine, Daniel Dane has drawn a picture of me, a duplicate of an image i had taken recently. He's an amazing artist...
You can check out more of Daniels art work by clicking here
So i've been feeling like i'm suffocating... lol... it's half true and half not. I'm breathing perfectly fine, my body just feels like it's suffocating.... if that makes any sense at all....I just believe i'm completely going nuts and that's the end of it. Today i woke up and i couldn't find the remote in Noe's room so i just broke down... i couldn't control that emotion, from wherever it came from it just took over and all of a sudden i was in a puddle of my own tears and thinking "why am i crying?" Why? Why everything? Why do i cry so much? Anyways, i'm completely tired and drained of all this depression bullshit that i'm putting my self through. I'm a huge mess.... on the inside that is. I need to get my shit together because school starts on the 29th (flicks off the financial aid office @ delmar) and on that same day i meet my psych for the first time... Her name is Mrs. Mic and my case manager is Felisha... very exciting. I'll also be given meds i believe. The place that i go to see my psych is MHMR, i'll be given services for free cuz i'm a student. woohoo no bills for my fucked up head. The last time i was there i didn't get to meet my psych but this lady took "intake" which was basically about my behavior now and in the past. Before this lady opened the double doors to greet me i was thinking if she had read over my files from the past, because i had services with MHMR when i was a kid. I was imagining this lady going through and reading files that said I was suicidal, depressed, hospitalized before for suicide attempts, and was prescribed prozac. Now the person I was then when i was seeing MHMR at a younger age is not the me I am now. So i thought of all of this and what the lady taking "intake' might think i looked like. I thought what would I think if i was reading someone's file that said all of that.... anyways all of that thinking didn't get me anywhere... but to her office to do the "intake". SHe asked me questions like if i abused drugs, or if i think my parents involvement in my life has attributed to my depression now, my siblings, if i was ever hurt physicaly or emotionally and a bunch of other questions that took forever to go through. Anyways there is no real conclusion to that story but i will update on how first day of school was and how the psych was when the time comes.
She stands alone with noone by her side, she has an uneasiness about her that she cannot hide
Suddenly the white room becomes the scene of a crime, like a murder but the crimminal is fictional
Soon a large amount of space in this room will decrease and the girl will no longer be visible...
because one by one the thoughts come racing in with ease...
feelings of emptyness, feelings of sorrow, feelings of doubt, all sorts of emotions to the most unpleasurable degrees
She crawls over to the corner of the big white room to await her gloom
the thoughts boast in like wars, destroying and dimming the atomsphere, annihilating the geosphere
A place where noone is a winner and everyday's a battlefield without the shields
The wars physically do not hurt her but within her self the war is growing
Taking over and operating, the mind ,this persona, and developing a mind of it's own
Then with such great strength and domination.....
~christina
This is incomplete... as you can tell a friend of mine said to me...captcueball : you have a place, then conflict....and a struggle with it...but no resolution..that is why it feels incomplete
captcueball : much can be a refelction of self Boy he isn't lying. This same friend of mine, Daniel Dane has drawn a picture of me, a duplicate of an image i had taken recently. He's an amazing artist...
You can check out more of Daniels art work by clicking here
So i've been feeling like i'm suffocating... lol... it's half true and half not. I'm breathing perfectly fine, my body just feels like it's suffocating.... if that makes any sense at all....I just believe i'm completely going nuts and that's the end of it. Today i woke up and i couldn't find the remote in Noe's room so i just broke down... i couldn't control that emotion, from wherever it came from it just took over and all of a sudden i was in a puddle of my own tears and thinking "why am i crying?" Why? Why everything? Why do i cry so much? Anyways, i'm completely tired and drained of all this depression bullshit that i'm putting my self through. I'm a huge mess.... on the inside that is. I need to get my shit together because school starts on the 29th (flicks off the financial aid office @ delmar) and on that same day i meet my psych for the first time... Her name is Mrs. Mic and my case manager is Felisha... very exciting. I'll also be given meds i believe. The place that i go to see my psych is MHMR, i'll be given services for free cuz i'm a student. woohoo no bills for my fucked up head. The last time i was there i didn't get to meet my psych but this lady took "intake" which was basically about my behavior now and in the past. Before this lady opened the double doors to greet me i was thinking if she had read over my files from the past, because i had services with MHMR when i was a kid. I was imagining this lady going through and reading files that said I was suicidal, depressed, hospitalized before for suicide attempts, and was prescribed prozac. Now the person I was then when i was seeing MHMR at a younger age is not the me I am now. So i thought of all of this and what the lady taking "intake' might think i looked like. I thought what would I think if i was reading someone's file that said all of that.... anyways all of that thinking didn't get me anywhere... but to her office to do the "intake". SHe asked me questions like if i abused drugs, or if i think my parents involvement in my life has attributed to my depression now, my siblings, if i was ever hurt physicaly or emotionally and a bunch of other questions that took forever to go through. Anyways there is no real conclusion to that story but i will update on how first day of school was and how the psych was when the time comes.