*I wish I could just sleep forever...*
In close proximity but totally indifferent. I keep my eyes focused on the film as if I don't notice the glances in my direction.This just isnt what I want anymore. The situation becomes a sort of akward silence that I don't even bother to fix.Im too lost in my thoughts to even care.I think up the first excuse that comes to mind and then wish him a goodnight. As I make my way back inside I feel as though I've just turned my back on my old ways. After experiencing true passion and what feels like love, I dont find empty physical contact (triggered by raging hormones) appealing anymore. Ironic how it isn't until just months before I leave that I find something worth staying for.Two things I've always wanted but in two different cities.It's unfortunate but its out of my hands because the next 4 years of my life are already set for me. But what kills me is the unspoken truth that I might never come back. Each stage in my life branches off to the others, and they will only lead further away from how things are now. But even then one can hope that later in life our paths will cross again at the most perfectly unexpected time just as they did when we first met. I suppose you find it overwhelming because you are finally allowing yourself to feel what you blocked out for months.I find it overwhelming because you attain all the qualities I'd hoped a person would have, but never actually expected to find. Society as a whole and people as individuals have dissapointed me time and time again, so I kept my walls secure and maintained an emotional detachment from everything and everyone. Before friendships and relationships even started, I had it in mind that they would eventually end. And I won't lie and say it wasn't awsome just going through my days without giving much feeling or thought to anything or anyone other than what was right before me. But now I can't go anywhere with anyone to do anything without you crossing my mind. And by all means it makes me happy but I still havent been able to make sense of it in my mind. Then again, I'm not trying to because I just wana live it.If I spent all the time I have left thinking about this then I wouldnt be able to enjoy a single second of it.This is defenitely not something I want to look back on with regrets because I know this is a truley unique experience. It's upsetting to know I'll never meet someone like you again but it allows me to appreciate who you are and the fact that you're in my life. One day maybe things will all make sense but as of now I'm not concerned with that one day, just the here and now. And I dont care who or what I'm missing out on because I'm loving every minute of this.