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hey. im kinda bummin right now, so i decided to write in this thing....
well..*sigh*
yeah the only thing that can still bring me down is joey. i mean, dnt get me wrong..its jus..
i want to know...like, now he admits now that he's lied and stuff in the past. but what makes now different??? why couldnt he have told me the truth about everything in the frist place and saved me the heart ache and from making himself look like an ass??
i mean.. if you're reading this.. then, how could you do that to someone??? how could you pile one lie onto another and just make me fall in love with somebody that you're not?? .. it may not seem like a big deal to you, but to have someone lie to you like you did to me.. makes it hard to believe the difference between the truth or a lie with anyone. i mean, think about it. i gave you my everything and it just crashed and i feel like it wasnt appreciated one bit. that no matter what i do now i'll never be good enough for anyone. yeah seems like im being over dramatic about it, but i dnt know. it still hurts...
it hurts because i was really in love with you and its like u didnt honestly love me. and now its hard for me to even think about being in love again. i get this feeling like whenever i thnk about it, like i want to be in love, but i cnt
i mean, im totally over you.. i dnt even want you back. shit, im not even sure about being ur friend again. dont take it the wrong way.. but i hate it if im talking to someone and im not sure if there speaking the truth. *Shrugs*
you know what..........jus forget it.. its not like he's even reading this.. and whats the point if he is??? even if he did answer all my questions..it wouldnt really make a difference. cause he broke my heart and yeah even though i basically glued it back together as time went by, there will always be a scar on my heart. plus, he'd prolly tell me something he thnk i wanna hear.. but all ive ever wanted to hear in the first place was the fuckin truth. but i guess thats too much to ask for. eh??
but i guess it was a learning experience? maybe instead of looking at it as making me weaker i should start thinking it made me stronger??
hah... writing this has actually made me feel better. so fuck this whole issue.
things are actually fuckn great right now. i have the best friends anyone could ever have and i love each and everyone of them for who they are and im thankful i got vincent cause its great to kno that someones actually there that honestly cares for me that doesnt have to. and i have a work out buddy so that is grand. and tomorrow im going to the thirft store w/ rene and shes super cool and nice. i hope me and her can hang out more than jus a few hours sometime.
lol sorry about my whole rant. i can be super retarded when i get tired, so i should get to bed. plus when im on my dot i get super moody but i must go so...LATER
well..*sigh*
yeah the only thing that can still bring me down is joey. i mean, dnt get me wrong..its jus..
i want to know...like, now he admits now that he's lied and stuff in the past. but what makes now different??? why couldnt he have told me the truth about everything in the frist place and saved me the heart ache and from making himself look like an ass??
i mean.. if you're reading this.. then, how could you do that to someone??? how could you pile one lie onto another and just make me fall in love with somebody that you're not?? .. it may not seem like a big deal to you, but to have someone lie to you like you did to me.. makes it hard to believe the difference between the truth or a lie with anyone. i mean, think about it. i gave you my everything and it just crashed and i feel like it wasnt appreciated one bit. that no matter what i do now i'll never be good enough for anyone. yeah seems like im being over dramatic about it, but i dnt know. it still hurts...
it hurts because i was really in love with you and its like u didnt honestly love me. and now its hard for me to even think about being in love again. i get this feeling like whenever i thnk about it, like i want to be in love, but i cnt
i mean, im totally over you.. i dnt even want you back. shit, im not even sure about being ur friend again. dont take it the wrong way.. but i hate it if im talking to someone and im not sure if there speaking the truth. *Shrugs*
you know what..........jus forget it.. its not like he's even reading this.. and whats the point if he is??? even if he did answer all my questions..it wouldnt really make a difference. cause he broke my heart and yeah even though i basically glued it back together as time went by, there will always be a scar on my heart. plus, he'd prolly tell me something he thnk i wanna hear.. but all ive ever wanted to hear in the first place was the fuckin truth. but i guess thats too much to ask for. eh??
but i guess it was a learning experience? maybe instead of looking at it as making me weaker i should start thinking it made me stronger??
hah... writing this has actually made me feel better. so fuck this whole issue.
things are actually fuckn great right now. i have the best friends anyone could ever have and i love each and everyone of them for who they are and im thankful i got vincent cause its great to kno that someones actually there that honestly cares for me that doesnt have to. and i have a work out buddy so that is grand. and tomorrow im going to the thirft store w/ rene and shes super cool and nice. i hope me and her can hang out more than jus a few hours sometime.
lol sorry about my whole rant. i can be super retarded when i get tired, so i should get to bed. plus when im on my dot i get super moody but i must go so...LATER