(no subject)
You know what? Fuck them. Fuck them BOTH.
I am so sick of being left in the lurch whenever one of them has a snit. I don't care what Bella says, it's still a snit. Her leaving is a betrayal of every oath, spoken or unspoken, that we took when we pledged ourselves to the Cause. And then she took others with her. Dear God, what did she do to Toad. He's been through enough. And I cannot shake the feeling that I was simply thrown aside, because I was inconvenient.
And Erik...what will this do to him. It's true, I left her for him. Because I think in the end he will need me far more than she will. Bella has Cain to fall back on. Erik is strong and refuses to fall back on anyone. But I wonder if he ever gets tired of being strong. Maybe that's part of the reason behind the fatigue I see in his eyes whenever I look at him now. Despite the fact that the man is in his seventies, to me he has never seemed that old, until now.
Sometimes it helps, to put things down on paper. To read over the jumble of my thoughts. That's all they are, a jumble. There is no sense, no rhyme or reason. I lost my best friend once, and I took her back. I lost her again, and I brought her back from the dead. And now I lose her once more, this time with little hope of regaining what I have lost. The Cause I have committed myself to degrades before my eyes, and at the moment there is little I can do but watch it crumble. While Mystique has broken a temporary impasse in the Senate, the rest of us must sit back and wait for the proper time to strike. And we lose two of our senior members right when we may need them the most. While I continue to serve, I fear that what may come will strip me of the shreds of sanity to which I so desperately cling.
To see what the heck Toxin is talking about, check out both xmm_magneto and xmm_sabella.