Private Journal . . .
Ok, this is getting kind of intense. I stopped to say hello to Amara last night and she was upset. Apparently she had a chat with Padraig who knew what happened between she and I. She told me she felt guilty for straying from him. Not regret for what we did, just guilt for hurting him, I guess. She told me she cared for me too. I believe her, because I care about her too. I don't believe I'm putting this down on paper, but it's the truth. I'm still afraid though. Not of what may happen with Padraig, as I'm over that little bit of fear. I'm afraid of what will happen if the genpop finds out that there are any feelings between Amara and myself that go deeper than an occasional convienient bootycall. We are friends. That is one thing that is few and far between in the life I've chosen. I seriously hope I don't end up regretting this decision.
Oh yeah, by the way, she propositioned me last night. We were both stone sober. We're not going to make it a regular thing, but the again, it's not about the sex. That's just a bonus.
It's night time and once again, Syphon is just out of the gym. With rumor of a training mission on the horizon, he has stepped up his regimine and has started spending twice as much time in the gym working out and practicing. He has showered and is heading back toward his room, quietly stopping by Amara's room on the way since they haven't talked much in the last couple of days. A simple two knocks at her door announces his presence and he looks around almost nervously making sure nobody is around.
While rare, it is not completely unlikely for Amara's door to be open. Tonight is one of those nights where a few inches of the night are exposed to her room, allowing any outside to look into the darkness. One lone candle us burning as she lay on her bed, belly down and bent legs facing the pillows. Her chin rests on crossed arms and she appears to stare off into space. "Enter," she replies to the knocks, not moving.
Syphon pushes the door open quietly and slips inside. Instead of leaving it open, he closes it behind him to keep those unwanted eyes from peering in. He walks over to a chair near the bed and sits, not making himself incredibly comfortable, but definitely making himself noticable. "Hey, I'm sorry to bug you, but I just wanted to swing by and say hi." He looks at her and notices that something's off. Syphon doesn't say anything right away about it, figuring that if she wants to tell him she will.
Off is right. She's already in her nightwear, yet it is early for her. The two piece pajama outfit shows a good bit of skin, but is still somewhat modest. She remains in her current position, but pats the bed beside her briefly. "You know that you are invited whenever you like." Her words are soft, sweet, and welcoming, even though quite short.
Syphon moves from the chair to the bed, sitting next to where she lays. "I know that. But it's nice to be reminded." He chuckles a bit, trying to break her obvious funk. A finger reaches out to poke her in the shoulder in a playfully annoying manner. "Hey, what's with you? You seem upset." Thank you Captain Obvious! Tommy cranes his neck around so he's looking at her face, still sitting with his feet on the ground.
Umbra wrinkles her nose as she's poked, then sticks out her tongue playfully. "Consider yourself reminded," she replies, before closing her eyes. A deep sigh, then she reopens them. "Padraig knows, Tommy. About the two of us last week." Talk about being blunt. She rolls over to her side to give him more room. She's facing him, eyes finding his easily in the dark.
Syphon blinks one, long long blink. He goes to say something, and stops, then goes to say something again and stops again. He stops trying to figure out what to say and just shakes his head. Finally he finds the words to say and they probably aren't right. "It's better that way, isn't it? I thought there were no regrets." He stares blankly at her, not sure whether he is about to get beaten up or not.
Slowly Amara brings herself to sit up, her eyes never leaving him. "I regret nothing," she replies as soon as he speaks. Slow movements take her closer to him and a hand finds his cheek. "I regret nothing. He wishes for me to wait on him, but I am unsure that I am willing to. And I feel guilted for..." She does finally look away, knowing she's said too much.
Syphon reaches a gentle hand out to her face and turns her to face him again. His eyes are no longer blank after seeing that she is upset, but instead very concerned and thoughtful. "It's ok. You can tell me." He slowly runs his thumb across her cheek. A slight adjustment, barely noticable, puts them within centimeters of eachother. "Please?"
Umbra closes her eyes as he touches her, enjoying the sensation. Yet his words do prompt the dark orbs to open, though the lack of light causes there to be more emotion in them than ever. "I feel guilty for straying. For allowing myself to care, no matter in which way, for another." That includes friendship. "Though guilt and regret should not be mistaken."
Syphon blinks again and watches her eyes carefully. "And they aren't, but I don't think you should feel guilty for friendship." That is all that they have here, right? Absolutely, she knows that and so does he. He continues to rub his thumb against her cheek absently and watches her. He turns his body to face her more.
"Perhaps." Again Amara looks away, carefully this time due to his touch. "Although I am fairly confident he would disagree." Even though he never said anything about it. "Also.. and perhaps this is wrong of me, but I not only fail to regret our actions..." She pauses and closes her eyes. Honesty hurts. "I wouldn't mind if it happened again."
Syphon shakes his head. "Whether he disagrees or not doesn't concern me. My friendship is not, nor will it probably ever be with him. What concerns me is how you feel about it." He listens to her words and closes his eyes, strangely excited to hear those words. Unfortunately, his wizened, responsible, and god forbid grown-up side takes over and makes him question her. "Why?"
Oh, gawd. Amara keeps her focus elsewhere and her breath calm, suprisingly. She put him on the spot the other night, and turnabout is fair play. "I believe that we have a solid friendship." This already sounds lame. "In such, I believe that it is obvious that I care about you. What we did.. felt good. And while I would never suggest to do so on a regular basis, or try to keep you from others, I see no reason why we cannot do so again."
Syphon opens his eyes and looks at her face. He then looks away, because he is about to risk throwing friendship and all out the window on one single statement. His hand slides from her face and rests itself on his leg. "I think it is obvious that I care about you as well. And what we did felt good, quite good actually." He winces at his own words and then continues. "But I just need to be sure that you aren't doing this just to spite him." He continues to look away from her and even shifts his body away slightly.
Quickly she looks back to him, dumbfounded. Moments pass before she can even think of any words, let alone actually speak. "Is that what you believe?" She sighs heavily and looks away once more, this time trying to force herself to be emotionless. It isn't exactly successful. "He has no impact on my decision, or my feelings, save for the guilt. I would never do such a thing for spite. I'd be saying the same things to you know even if he and I were still together, had other events still happened."
Syphon slowly returns his gaze to her. His hand finds its way to her side and touches her tentatively, almost as if he is afraid she will change her mind at any time. He brings his other hand to her chin and gently forces her to look back at him. "Do you blame me for asking, though?" He stares at her, his hand at her side now resting there with a bit more confidence.
"No," comes the near silent reply. Amara shifts her position so that she can hug him. It's hard to tell why, but she seems to find comfort in it. "But now you know. This is between you and me, and has nothing to do with him."
Syphon returns the hug warmly with arms wrapped around her. Slowly he pulls back away from her and looks into her eyes briefly before moving in to kiss her. As he moves in for the kiss, he also leans her gently back down to the matress. "Between us."
Oh yeah, by the way, she propositioned me last night. We were both stone sober. We're not going to make it a regular thing, but the again, it's not about the sex. That's just a bonus.
It's night time and once again, Syphon is just out of the gym. With rumor of a training mission on the horizon, he has stepped up his regimine and has started spending twice as much time in the gym working out and practicing. He has showered and is heading back toward his room, quietly stopping by Amara's room on the way since they haven't talked much in the last couple of days. A simple two knocks at her door announces his presence and he looks around almost nervously making sure nobody is around.
While rare, it is not completely unlikely for Amara's door to be open. Tonight is one of those nights where a few inches of the night are exposed to her room, allowing any outside to look into the darkness. One lone candle us burning as she lay on her bed, belly down and bent legs facing the pillows. Her chin rests on crossed arms and she appears to stare off into space. "Enter," she replies to the knocks, not moving.
Syphon pushes the door open quietly and slips inside. Instead of leaving it open, he closes it behind him to keep those unwanted eyes from peering in. He walks over to a chair near the bed and sits, not making himself incredibly comfortable, but definitely making himself noticable. "Hey, I'm sorry to bug you, but I just wanted to swing by and say hi." He looks at her and notices that something's off. Syphon doesn't say anything right away about it, figuring that if she wants to tell him she will.
Off is right. She's already in her nightwear, yet it is early for her. The two piece pajama outfit shows a good bit of skin, but is still somewhat modest. She remains in her current position, but pats the bed beside her briefly. "You know that you are invited whenever you like." Her words are soft, sweet, and welcoming, even though quite short.
Syphon moves from the chair to the bed, sitting next to where she lays. "I know that. But it's nice to be reminded." He chuckles a bit, trying to break her obvious funk. A finger reaches out to poke her in the shoulder in a playfully annoying manner. "Hey, what's with you? You seem upset." Thank you Captain Obvious! Tommy cranes his neck around so he's looking at her face, still sitting with his feet on the ground.
Umbra wrinkles her nose as she's poked, then sticks out her tongue playfully. "Consider yourself reminded," she replies, before closing her eyes. A deep sigh, then she reopens them. "Padraig knows, Tommy. About the two of us last week." Talk about being blunt. She rolls over to her side to give him more room. She's facing him, eyes finding his easily in the dark.
Syphon blinks one, long long blink. He goes to say something, and stops, then goes to say something again and stops again. He stops trying to figure out what to say and just shakes his head. Finally he finds the words to say and they probably aren't right. "It's better that way, isn't it? I thought there were no regrets." He stares blankly at her, not sure whether he is about to get beaten up or not.
Slowly Amara brings herself to sit up, her eyes never leaving him. "I regret nothing," she replies as soon as he speaks. Slow movements take her closer to him and a hand finds his cheek. "I regret nothing. He wishes for me to wait on him, but I am unsure that I am willing to. And I feel guilted for..." She does finally look away, knowing she's said too much.
Syphon reaches a gentle hand out to her face and turns her to face him again. His eyes are no longer blank after seeing that she is upset, but instead very concerned and thoughtful. "It's ok. You can tell me." He slowly runs his thumb across her cheek. A slight adjustment, barely noticable, puts them within centimeters of eachother. "Please?"
Umbra closes her eyes as he touches her, enjoying the sensation. Yet his words do prompt the dark orbs to open, though the lack of light causes there to be more emotion in them than ever. "I feel guilty for straying. For allowing myself to care, no matter in which way, for another." That includes friendship. "Though guilt and regret should not be mistaken."
Syphon blinks again and watches her eyes carefully. "And they aren't, but I don't think you should feel guilty for friendship." That is all that they have here, right? Absolutely, she knows that and so does he. He continues to rub his thumb against her cheek absently and watches her. He turns his body to face her more.
"Perhaps." Again Amara looks away, carefully this time due to his touch. "Although I am fairly confident he would disagree." Even though he never said anything about it. "Also.. and perhaps this is wrong of me, but I not only fail to regret our actions..." She pauses and closes her eyes. Honesty hurts. "I wouldn't mind if it happened again."
Syphon shakes his head. "Whether he disagrees or not doesn't concern me. My friendship is not, nor will it probably ever be with him. What concerns me is how you feel about it." He listens to her words and closes his eyes, strangely excited to hear those words. Unfortunately, his wizened, responsible, and god forbid grown-up side takes over and makes him question her. "Why?"
Oh, gawd. Amara keeps her focus elsewhere and her breath calm, suprisingly. She put him on the spot the other night, and turnabout is fair play. "I believe that we have a solid friendship." This already sounds lame. "In such, I believe that it is obvious that I care about you. What we did.. felt good. And while I would never suggest to do so on a regular basis, or try to keep you from others, I see no reason why we cannot do so again."
Syphon opens his eyes and looks at her face. He then looks away, because he is about to risk throwing friendship and all out the window on one single statement. His hand slides from her face and rests itself on his leg. "I think it is obvious that I care about you as well. And what we did felt good, quite good actually." He winces at his own words and then continues. "But I just need to be sure that you aren't doing this just to spite him." He continues to look away from her and even shifts his body away slightly.
Quickly she looks back to him, dumbfounded. Moments pass before she can even think of any words, let alone actually speak. "Is that what you believe?" She sighs heavily and looks away once more, this time trying to force herself to be emotionless. It isn't exactly successful. "He has no impact on my decision, or my feelings, save for the guilt. I would never do such a thing for spite. I'd be saying the same things to you know even if he and I were still together, had other events still happened."
Syphon slowly returns his gaze to her. His hand finds its way to her side and touches her tentatively, almost as if he is afraid she will change her mind at any time. He brings his other hand to her chin and gently forces her to look back at him. "Do you blame me for asking, though?" He stares at her, his hand at her side now resting there with a bit more confidence.
"No," comes the near silent reply. Amara shifts her position so that she can hug him. It's hard to tell why, but she seems to find comfort in it. "But now you know. This is between you and me, and has nothing to do with him."
Syphon returns the hug warmly with arms wrapped around her. Slowly he pulls back away from her and looks into her eyes briefly before moving in to kiss her. As he moves in for the kiss, he also leans her gently back down to the matress. "Between us."