...whew

[xmissunderstood]

what an up and down day i could say. woke up this morning and stayed in bed cause i felt like shit and i didn't want to get up. Ummm so i took a nice long bath to help me out, but like always, i can't wash my emotions down the drain quite easily. I called Jay 50 million times, finally i got a hold of him, i aplogized a bunch and said what i needed to say. so he's pissed at me, i still feel like crap. But you know maybe thats a sign for maybe this isn't it anymore? I'm Katherine, i am a girl who makes freakin 10 million mistakes at a time, i could be a LIAR sometimes, but i aplogize for that, and i dunno i'm a real bitch. I placed all for my memories of jay in a nice box and hid them out of view, yeah i cried lots. Along with that i ripped up tons of old memories and pics of my past and i guess you could say that i'm starting over. Cause I am. well i feel shitty all day, i took a walk for some good thinking and came home and ate some pizza and went upstairs to read and ponder. Watch tv some and was jealous of people who are in 'love'. so my dad said let go to wal'mart, i got some make-up and my dad paid for it, so awesome he is. Came home and got a phone call for my sister, finds out that they wanted to talk to me. It was Steven, I really don't know this guy, well him and his friends wanted me to go to the movie with them and ask if i wanted to bring some friends along, well dude, i really don't know this guy, I told him to call back in 30mins. LoL, i never really answered the phone, missed like six of the calls and i didn't know how to say 'no thank you, but i'd rather stay home' to them. O well, they prob. got some other girls with them, i'm still emotional sick, i miss jay. So i called gina she came over later on, and I let her borrow my feild hockey stick and we talked, mike was talking about the first time he drove, it was hilarious. yesterday i learned how to back out of a parking lot, i was good. Thanks :-D. I was nervous with my hand at the wheel but its cool. anyways gine bough her bunni over and we had fun, i washed dishes, lol. we all went into the den and watch texas chainsaw massacre, or whatever, we couldn't help but laugh thru-out the whole movie...lol, gosh i guess i really miss gina and how we hung out. Well Tuesday she has a day off of work, were going to busch garden for the first time together as a pair. omg, it will be some much fun. umm gina got online and we talked to some people and found stuff out about jay, but i dunno if its true. But so Jay tells me that he has so much oppertunies that come to his way, and I dunno, i don't have that, i'm happy for him i guess. I got really mas then tho because some girl was talking crap about me, and yeah called me things that only close peeps are aloud to say, i don't care 'fuck off' like jay tells me too. ..hmm, but o well i still love jay, it seems like we had no future together, but i'll sure miss everything we had and i'll love him no matter what guys, you hear that?

SO guys, this is the new me, Katherine Cook. The REAL thing now.

i'll be watching you jay, i know that a lot of girls like you and i hope you find someone thats not as bitchy as i am, but i'm always here to support you for everything. thanks for all that we had ..i love you.