oh life
I have now come to the conclusion I spend entirely too much money. pretty much I have like no money to my name. I spend it all on food and clothes and dumb things. so I now stop.
hollister is getting on my nerves. Brandon is quite possibly the biggest prick I have ever met in my entire life. I swear he's like trying to get me to quit. I'm just pissed about how I really put that job first, above my other one where I make more money and above a life. one week I have a million hours the next week I have 5. but then they'll call me in at 10 to do a floor set. and then I come in when I'm scheduled to work only to find out they've taken me off the schedule and didn't bother to tell me. it's like I put so much into this stupid job and I get shit back. I feel like I have zero respect from them and it's just getting a little old. I really like working there and I feel like if I say anything then I'm gonna get less hours and they won't call me for extra shifts. but thanks to Brandon and Joel I basically walked out of there crying on wednesday which is really something I'm not going to stand for. so either Joel and I or Kevin and I are gonna have a talk. Kevin really has nothing to do with it but I feel a lot more comfortable talking with him...besides Joel kinda scares me.
I wish he would just understand. I think he's getting so frustrated with me lately because he doesn't understand any part of my life anymore. I used to be able to go to him and even if he didn't agree with what I was doing..he still understood and most of the time supported me. until a few months ago. this year has been so horrible to our friendship I really feel like we don't even have one anymore. he was right about hollister, and I'm doing something about it. but what's kinda scary is thinking since he was right about that maybe he's right about everything else. how I choose to spend my nights, guys, friends, myself, leaving...what if I have everything wrong?
I feel like there's a huge SOMETHING missing from my life. I think part of it is him...but I think the biggest part is that I can't find that something here. I'm really meant to be somewhere else. he told me I'm just running from a lot of problems..but that's not it. it's like I am who I am here. but leaving and going somewhere else gives me the opportunity to be something different. yea, leaving is going to be the scariest thing I have yet to do, but I also think it will test me. see how strong I really am. maybe I won't make it, maybe I'll end up coming home and going back to being who I am. but maybe...
the sad thing is this is probably the most I've opened up to anything, even myself, in a long time.
hollister is getting on my nerves. Brandon is quite possibly the biggest prick I have ever met in my entire life. I swear he's like trying to get me to quit. I'm just pissed about how I really put that job first, above my other one where I make more money and above a life. one week I have a million hours the next week I have 5. but then they'll call me in at 10 to do a floor set. and then I come in when I'm scheduled to work only to find out they've taken me off the schedule and didn't bother to tell me. it's like I put so much into this stupid job and I get shit back. I feel like I have zero respect from them and it's just getting a little old. I really like working there and I feel like if I say anything then I'm gonna get less hours and they won't call me for extra shifts. but thanks to Brandon and Joel I basically walked out of there crying on wednesday which is really something I'm not going to stand for. so either Joel and I or Kevin and I are gonna have a talk. Kevin really has nothing to do with it but I feel a lot more comfortable talking with him...besides Joel kinda scares me.
I wish he would just understand. I think he's getting so frustrated with me lately because he doesn't understand any part of my life anymore. I used to be able to go to him and even if he didn't agree with what I was doing..he still understood and most of the time supported me. until a few months ago. this year has been so horrible to our friendship I really feel like we don't even have one anymore. he was right about hollister, and I'm doing something about it. but what's kinda scary is thinking since he was right about that maybe he's right about everything else. how I choose to spend my nights, guys, friends, myself, leaving...what if I have everything wrong?
I feel like there's a huge SOMETHING missing from my life. I think part of it is him...but I think the biggest part is that I can't find that something here. I'm really meant to be somewhere else. he told me I'm just running from a lot of problems..but that's not it. it's like I am who I am here. but leaving and going somewhere else gives me the opportunity to be something different. yea, leaving is going to be the scariest thing I have yet to do, but I also think it will test me. see how strong I really am. maybe I won't make it, maybe I'll end up coming home and going back to being who I am. but maybe...
the sad thing is this is probably the most I've opened up to anything, even myself, in a long time.