Oh Sue, I wish I could say I've missed you.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! After ... ages of not posting, I've come back with a bang. Or something that'll make you want to bang your head on the nearest hard object. Preferably a desk or a wall. That's right - X-SUE TIME! Today's is fantastically horrid as well!
Future reports will come as I have time/see something on a random scour of THE PIT. I'm not going to commit to a certain number. I found in the past, that puts on stress. And that's the last thing I need in my life right now. *sharpens claws* On to the report!
TITLE: Slow Decay - Kinda like the quality of the fic in this fandom. Or has it ever been good?
PERPETRATOR: GwenCooper92 - This must be what Gwen does when she's not chasing aliens with Cap'n Jack and Torchwood. A Sue writing Sue fic. Poetic.
SUMMARY: "When a new student joins the school, with the power of Storm and Jean and a mysterious unknown one, will she be trained in time for the Battle against the brotherhood. Rate and Review please my first X-Men fic :D Slight XXXXXXXX crossover." - I blanked it out, because I don't want to ruin the surprise. Not yet.
FULL NAME: Samantha Sparks.
CODENAME: Sparks. Given to her by Logan. And her father, too, I suppose, if we wanna get technical and what not. Considering it's her last name and no one's pulled that off as a codename since Moonstar.
SPECIES: Female/Mutant/a surprise! OMFGWHATCOULDITBE?!?!?!
HAIR: long, black
EYES: Started out as plain old blue, later Logan drops this on us: "most of it was a light blue, but it was green, purple and grey, they were beautiful unique." They're beautiful unique and wicked SUE-ISH!
MARKINGS: "not to slim curvy, the perfect figure", "plump lips". I laughed so hard at the second one, y'all.
MUTANT POWER (if applicable): Telekinesis, weather manipulation. Xavier said she had three mutant abilities, but once they figured out the third, it doesn't quite apply here. It's part of the surprise!
ORIGIN: Rather recent immigrant from Cardiff, Wales. Hmm.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Makes instant BFF status with Rogue on first day, "connects" with Logan on a special level, John wants to ask her out and, well, the rest of the male populace of the student body think she's smokin'. Whatever it is she's smokin', I'd like to get some of it, oh yeah.
X-TRA SPECIAL ABILITIES: She's a ... wait for it ... wait for it ... VAMPIRE/MUTANT HYBRID! CHECK THAT SHIT OUT, BITCHES! BAM! Super duper special Sue-ness, FTMFW! The author mentions this is a "slight" crossover with Underworld. Good God, as though that fandom doesn't have enough Sues already. Apparently, she can't fully remember she's a vampire, she just knows that seeing wolves makes her go all batfuck insane and kill-y. Then there's a point where she calls herself a vampire hybrid, so, man, I don't even know. She also has visions and "knows" things about people. I think it's supposed to be related to her vampire garbage, but I can't be sure. It was difficult to understand half of the story.
NOTES: Christ Almighty - BETA READER. SPELL CHECK. LOOK INTO THEM. I had to read several sections four or five times until I understood what the hell it was. There were a couple of Yoda-speak moments as well. Ugh. It's bad enough I have to slog through Sue-age for a report, but Sue-age which is barely decipherable? I need my Little Orphan Annie decoder ring for this shit.
That aside, it was damn near IMPOSSIBLE to choose which sections to show you (and mock). I highly recommend you take a gander at the whole thing. Five short chapters. It has to be experienced, people.
I couldn't decide what to comment on, it was all so terribly snark-worthy:
“Storm, I’ve found a new mutant” said Professor Xavier as he wheeled his way onto the balcony where storm was testing her powers.
“What are her powers Sir” said Storm as she began to clear sky from the thunderclouds.
"Clear the sky from the thunderclouds"? SEE, SEE? DID I NOT TELL YOU?? *gets out decoder ring*
Later ...
“Well we better bring her in then, but Professor why are you telling me this” [Storm] said as she got up and walked over to the wall.
You're the second in command and in charge of the fucking student body, perhaps? I dunno, I'm just spit-ballin' here, Storm.
“I want you and Jean to Mentor her seems as she’s got your powers, she’s done school so we can train her to become an X-men I know she’s young but I can feel her and she’s unbelievably strong, and with the oncoming war we could use her” he said to her.
"I know she's young but I can feel her" ... Professor, you are aware that's illegal in all fifty states and all of the protectorates, aren't you? 16'll get you 20.
Even later ...
Storm kept her serious face on.
“I know but she’s got my power’s and yours and her own unknown power” said Storm.
Jean spun round on her swivel chair and stared at Storn.
“Three different power’s that’s impossible” said Jean as she took off her lab coat.
Uh, Rogue? Mimic? Sage? I mean, the list goes on and on. There are tons of mutants who wield more than one or two abilities. Research, goddamnit.
“Yeah well she’s meant to be as strong as you and me, if her power’s are left uncontrolled then they can cause some serious damage” she replied sitting down on one of the nearby chair’s.
Storm's telling Jean this? JEAN? As if that's something she doesn't already fucking know?
Some fun from CHAPTER FOUR:
Sam left her room and managed to find the kitchen easily, there was a long table running through the middle of it. She looked round and saw Storm and Jean at the head of the table with some of the other teacher’s and she patted the seat for her to go and sit by them.
As she walked past the students they quieted down a bit, and began mumbling something about her.
She sat down at her seat and Jean said to her.
“Hey Sam right now some introductions, this is Logan, his codename is Wolverine, this is my husband Scott, known as Cyclops, we are the main X-Men team” they all said there hello’s and began to eat.
I have to inject here - I have no idea what timeline this is. Pyro's still at the school, the war is still coming, but Jean and Scott are married? It's been a long while since I saw the first movie, but I'm fairly certain they weren't married then. Else I'd have to lose a ton of respect for Jean for her behavior with Logan during the course of that film.
Sam was quiet, she didn’t know what to say, suddenly there was a tap at her shoulder and she turned and saw a young girl only a little younger then herself extending her hand.
“Hi you must be Sam, I’m Kitty Pryde nice to meet you” she said Sam extended her hand and shook it.
“I know, it’s nice to meet you to” she said with a smile.
Kitty just smiled back and walked off.
“See nothing to worry about they love you” said Logan enthusiastically with a smile. She grinned back.
Yes, people introducing themselves and shaking your hand automatically = THEY LOVE YOU - THEY REALLY LOVE YOU! No, it means the person has basic manners. I've met a lotta people and sure as hell didn't love any of them right off the bat. Geez.
After she finished eating she excused herself and walked off, as she made her way up the stairs and heard someone calling her.
“Sam isn’t it” said a girls voice. She turned and saw a girl maybe her age walking towards her. She had dark hair with a stripe of white running through it.
“Rogue” said Sam unexpectidally.
“How do you know my name”, she said cautiously.
“I’m sorry it’s my powers they do that sometimes” said Sam with a shrug.
Telepathic Tourette's? Interesting, very.
“Don’t worry about it” said Rogue and she extended her gloved and, Sam shook it.
“Why do wear gloves it’s boiling in her” said Sam as she continued her way up the stairs Rogue behind her.
"it's boiling IN her". *dies*
“If I don’t I could kill someone” she said, Sam looked stunned but kept on.
As Sam went to walk up another flight of stairs Rogue stopped her.
“You can’t go up there that’s the X-Men’s quarters” she said.
YOU CAN'T GO UP THERE, IT'S BAT COUNTRY!
“I know that’s where my room is, come up” she said as she carried on walking up the stairs, Rogue hesitantly going up as well.
She opened her door and they entered the room.
“So let me get this right, your training with the X-Men” said Rogue, “The older ones I mean, im on the younger ones, we aren’t as strong as them, but everyone was saying you were strong” she said in one breath.
Rogue, you kill people with your touch. You're so powerful, they're all TERRIFIED of you.
“Yep I’m training with them, don’t worry I’m surprised by it myself” she replied as she sat down on the bed pulling out the tub of ben and Jerry’s that she had put in the freezer.
“So how long you been here then Rogue” said Sam as she pulled out 2 spoons, from the drawer.
“Not long couple of months” she replied back taking the spoon and tucking into the bowl of ice cream
The girls talked through till the early hours of the morning, about everything, but they both got tired.
Rogue stood and said, “I gorra go I’ve got lessons in the morning”.
Is "gorra" a word in Wales? I have to ask. It shows up over and over. I thought it was a typo the first time.
“I’ve got my first training at 10, I never get up till 1 in the afternoon” she said they both chuckled.
She walked Rogue to the door and they said there goodbyes.
“Thanks, it’s nice to know that I have a friend here” said Sam as she gave Rogue a hug.
“No problem it’s nice to have someone here I can relate to” she said back with a cheesy grin.
Unlike the 300 other goddamn students in this school, who're also societal outcasts and live in fear of being beaten to death by a crazed mob for being DIFFERENT. Aren't YOU two so fucking special?
“So see you some time tomorrow, then, and tomorrow you are coming to sit over by me at dinner so I can introduce you to everyone” said Rogue as she went to walk off.
“Yeah that would be nice, have fun in lessons” she said back cheekily.
“Don’t push it” said Rogue back as she descended the steps and out of view.
Later in the same chapter:
“Tea anyone” [Storm] said as she pulled out another two mugs.
“Umm nah I’m going back to my room for a bit” and [Sam] began to take [Logan's] jacket off.
“Hey keep it” said Logan as she held it out to him.
“You sure” she replied back still keeping her hand extended.
“Yeah, after our talk out there, you’ve earned it, so whenever I get the chance to teach you, or we go on mission’s you’ve got to wear it, deal” he replied back to her grinning.
“Deal” and with that she turned on her heel and walked out of the kitchen.
He gave this Sue his leather jacket? OH NO HE DI'NT!
“So you’ve seemed to have taken a shine to her” said Storm as she placed a cup of coffee in front of him.
“We have a lot in common, she’s a good kid, but I could sense that something was troubling her” he replied sipping on the coffee.
Christ, don't tell me Logan's a vampire/mutant hybrid too? And ... man, is Rogue going to be pissed when she finds out about what her new BFF is doing with her old BFF. The gloves are off! (Pun intended!)
Storm nodded and they sat there in a comfortable silence for a while until Logan decided to speak up.
“Look I know she’ll tell you eventually but I wanna give you the heads up” said Logan to Strom.
“And what’s that” she answered curtly.
“We got on so well because like me, she can’t die not ever, well she can but she doesn’t know what can kill her, something powerful some force but nothing human” he said to her.
... like a mutant?
Storm mouth fell down to her feet.
“You what” she said stunned by what she was hearing.
Logan just nodded his head “ and she can make lightning by clicking her finger’s it’s nuts, she’s stronger then what the Professor said she was, and I couldn’t find out much about her other power but she just told me, that it happen’s when she really thinks it and gets angry it just come out” he said back to her pushing his chair back and placing his feet on the table.
“Could she describe it” said Storm curiously.
“She called it Dominant Vampire Hybrid, I know it’s strange” he said back.
“So she’s got vampire like abilities, that narrows it down, thanks Logan you’re a star” she said as she got to her feet and left the room to inform Jean about it who was in the infirmary.
The OOC-ness is so painful ... I want to reach through the computer screen and KILL >>> KILL >>> KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL.
Logan just sat back and the same thing kept running through his head, what drew him to Samantha sparks.
I don't know, but you'd better watch out - Professor X had his eye on her first! And you've already got enough underaged wrongness goin' on with Rogue, dude. Damn, these old men are GRODY. Just like this entire fic!
All right, folks. I'm out. For now. I need to go down a bottle of Jack.
Future reports will come as I have time/see something on a random scour of THE PIT. I'm not going to commit to a certain number. I found in the past, that puts on stress. And that's the last thing I need in my life right now. *sharpens claws* On to the report!
TITLE: Slow Decay - Kinda like the quality of the fic in this fandom. Or has it ever been good?
PERPETRATOR: GwenCooper92 - This must be what Gwen does when she's not chasing aliens with Cap'n Jack and Torchwood. A Sue writing Sue fic. Poetic.
SUMMARY: "When a new student joins the school, with the power of Storm and Jean and a mysterious unknown one, will she be trained in time for the Battle against the brotherhood. Rate and Review please my first X-Men fic :D Slight XXXXXXXX crossover." - I blanked it out, because I don't want to ruin the surprise. Not yet.
FULL NAME: Samantha Sparks.
CODENAME: Sparks. Given to her by Logan. And her father, too, I suppose, if we wanna get technical and what not. Considering it's her last name and no one's pulled that off as a codename since Moonstar.
SPECIES: Female/Mutant/a surprise! OMFGWHATCOULDITBE?!?!?!
HAIR: long, black
EYES: Started out as plain old blue, later Logan drops this on us: "most of it was a light blue, but it was green, purple and grey, they were beautiful unique." They're beautiful unique and wicked SUE-ISH!
MARKINGS: "not to slim curvy, the perfect figure", "plump lips". I laughed so hard at the second one, y'all.
MUTANT POWER (if applicable): Telekinesis, weather manipulation. Xavier said she had three mutant abilities, but once they figured out the third, it doesn't quite apply here. It's part of the surprise!
ORIGIN: Rather recent immigrant from Cardiff, Wales. Hmm.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Makes instant BFF status with Rogue on first day, "connects" with Logan on a special level, John wants to ask her out and, well, the rest of the male populace of the student body think she's smokin'. Whatever it is she's smokin', I'd like to get some of it, oh yeah.
X-TRA SPECIAL ABILITIES: She's a ... wait for it ... wait for it ... VAMPIRE/MUTANT HYBRID! CHECK THAT SHIT OUT, BITCHES! BAM! Super duper special Sue-ness, FTMFW! The author mentions this is a "slight" crossover with Underworld. Good God, as though that fandom doesn't have enough Sues already. Apparently, she can't fully remember she's a vampire, she just knows that seeing wolves makes her go all batfuck insane and kill-y. Then there's a point where she calls herself a vampire hybrid, so, man, I don't even know. She also has visions and "knows" things about people. I think it's supposed to be related to her vampire garbage, but I can't be sure. It was difficult to understand half of the story.
NOTES: Christ Almighty - BETA READER. SPELL CHECK. LOOK INTO THEM. I had to read several sections four or five times until I understood what the hell it was. There were a couple of Yoda-speak moments as well. Ugh. It's bad enough I have to slog through Sue-age for a report, but Sue-age which is barely decipherable? I need my Little Orphan Annie decoder ring for this shit.
That aside, it was damn near IMPOSSIBLE to choose which sections to show you (and mock). I highly recommend you take a gander at the whole thing. Five short chapters. It has to be experienced, people.
I couldn't decide what to comment on, it was all so terribly snark-worthy:
“Storm, I’ve found a new mutant” said Professor Xavier as he wheeled his way onto the balcony where storm was testing her powers.
“What are her powers Sir” said Storm as she began to clear sky from the thunderclouds.
"Clear the sky from the thunderclouds"? SEE, SEE? DID I NOT TELL YOU?? *gets out decoder ring*
Later ...
“Well we better bring her in then, but Professor why are you telling me this” [Storm] said as she got up and walked over to the wall.
You're the second in command and in charge of the fucking student body, perhaps? I dunno, I'm just spit-ballin' here, Storm.
“I want you and Jean to Mentor her seems as she’s got your powers, she’s done school so we can train her to become an X-men I know she’s young but I can feel her and she’s unbelievably strong, and with the oncoming war we could use her” he said to her.
"I know she's young but I can feel her" ... Professor, you are aware that's illegal in all fifty states and all of the protectorates, aren't you? 16'll get you 20.
Even later ...
Storm kept her serious face on.
“I know but she’s got my power’s and yours and her own unknown power” said Storm.
Jean spun round on her swivel chair and stared at Storn.
“Three different power’s that’s impossible” said Jean as she took off her lab coat.
Uh, Rogue? Mimic? Sage? I mean, the list goes on and on. There are tons of mutants who wield more than one or two abilities. Research, goddamnit.
“Yeah well she’s meant to be as strong as you and me, if her power’s are left uncontrolled then they can cause some serious damage” she replied sitting down on one of the nearby chair’s.
Storm's telling Jean this? JEAN? As if that's something she doesn't already fucking know?
Some fun from CHAPTER FOUR:
Sam left her room and managed to find the kitchen easily, there was a long table running through the middle of it. She looked round and saw Storm and Jean at the head of the table with some of the other teacher’s and she patted the seat for her to go and sit by them.
As she walked past the students they quieted down a bit, and began mumbling something about her.
She sat down at her seat and Jean said to her.
“Hey Sam right now some introductions, this is Logan, his codename is Wolverine, this is my husband Scott, known as Cyclops, we are the main X-Men team” they all said there hello’s and began to eat.
I have to inject here - I have no idea what timeline this is. Pyro's still at the school, the war is still coming, but Jean and Scott are married? It's been a long while since I saw the first movie, but I'm fairly certain they weren't married then. Else I'd have to lose a ton of respect for Jean for her behavior with Logan during the course of that film.
Sam was quiet, she didn’t know what to say, suddenly there was a tap at her shoulder and she turned and saw a young girl only a little younger then herself extending her hand.
“Hi you must be Sam, I’m Kitty Pryde nice to meet you” she said Sam extended her hand and shook it.
“I know, it’s nice to meet you to” she said with a smile.
Kitty just smiled back and walked off.
“See nothing to worry about they love you” said Logan enthusiastically with a smile. She grinned back.
Yes, people introducing themselves and shaking your hand automatically = THEY LOVE YOU - THEY REALLY LOVE YOU! No, it means the person has basic manners. I've met a lotta people and sure as hell didn't love any of them right off the bat. Geez.
After she finished eating she excused herself and walked off, as she made her way up the stairs and heard someone calling her.
“Sam isn’t it” said a girls voice. She turned and saw a girl maybe her age walking towards her. She had dark hair with a stripe of white running through it.
“Rogue” said Sam unexpectidally.
“How do you know my name”, she said cautiously.
“I’m sorry it’s my powers they do that sometimes” said Sam with a shrug.
Telepathic Tourette's? Interesting, very.
“Don’t worry about it” said Rogue and she extended her gloved and, Sam shook it.
“Why do wear gloves it’s boiling in her” said Sam as she continued her way up the stairs Rogue behind her.
"it's boiling IN her". *dies*
“If I don’t I could kill someone” she said, Sam looked stunned but kept on.
As Sam went to walk up another flight of stairs Rogue stopped her.
“You can’t go up there that’s the X-Men’s quarters” she said.
YOU CAN'T GO UP THERE, IT'S BAT COUNTRY!
“I know that’s where my room is, come up” she said as she carried on walking up the stairs, Rogue hesitantly going up as well.
She opened her door and they entered the room.
“So let me get this right, your training with the X-Men” said Rogue, “The older ones I mean, im on the younger ones, we aren’t as strong as them, but everyone was saying you were strong” she said in one breath.
Rogue, you kill people with your touch. You're so powerful, they're all TERRIFIED of you.
“Yep I’m training with them, don’t worry I’m surprised by it myself” she replied as she sat down on the bed pulling out the tub of ben and Jerry’s that she had put in the freezer.
“So how long you been here then Rogue” said Sam as she pulled out 2 spoons, from the drawer.
“Not long couple of months” she replied back taking the spoon and tucking into the bowl of ice cream
The girls talked through till the early hours of the morning, about everything, but they both got tired.
Rogue stood and said, “I gorra go I’ve got lessons in the morning”.
Is "gorra" a word in Wales? I have to ask. It shows up over and over. I thought it was a typo the first time.
“I’ve got my first training at 10, I never get up till 1 in the afternoon” she said they both chuckled.
She walked Rogue to the door and they said there goodbyes.
“Thanks, it’s nice to know that I have a friend here” said Sam as she gave Rogue a hug.
“No problem it’s nice to have someone here I can relate to” she said back with a cheesy grin.
Unlike the 300 other goddamn students in this school, who're also societal outcasts and live in fear of being beaten to death by a crazed mob for being DIFFERENT. Aren't YOU two so fucking special?
“So see you some time tomorrow, then, and tomorrow you are coming to sit over by me at dinner so I can introduce you to everyone” said Rogue as she went to walk off.
“Yeah that would be nice, have fun in lessons” she said back cheekily.
“Don’t push it” said Rogue back as she descended the steps and out of view.
Later in the same chapter:
“Tea anyone” [Storm] said as she pulled out another two mugs.
“Umm nah I’m going back to my room for a bit” and [Sam] began to take [Logan's] jacket off.
“Hey keep it” said Logan as she held it out to him.
“You sure” she replied back still keeping her hand extended.
“Yeah, after our talk out there, you’ve earned it, so whenever I get the chance to teach you, or we go on mission’s you’ve got to wear it, deal” he replied back to her grinning.
“Deal” and with that she turned on her heel and walked out of the kitchen.
He gave this Sue his leather jacket? OH NO HE DI'NT!
“So you’ve seemed to have taken a shine to her” said Storm as she placed a cup of coffee in front of him.
“We have a lot in common, she’s a good kid, but I could sense that something was troubling her” he replied sipping on the coffee.
Christ, don't tell me Logan's a vampire/mutant hybrid too? And ... man, is Rogue going to be pissed when she finds out about what her new BFF is doing with her old BFF. The gloves are off! (Pun intended!)
Storm nodded and they sat there in a comfortable silence for a while until Logan decided to speak up.
“Look I know she’ll tell you eventually but I wanna give you the heads up” said Logan to Strom.
“And what’s that” she answered curtly.
“We got on so well because like me, she can’t die not ever, well she can but she doesn’t know what can kill her, something powerful some force but nothing human” he said to her.
... like a mutant?
Storm mouth fell down to her feet.
“You what” she said stunned by what she was hearing.
Logan just nodded his head “ and she can make lightning by clicking her finger’s it’s nuts, she’s stronger then what the Professor said she was, and I couldn’t find out much about her other power but she just told me, that it happen’s when she really thinks it and gets angry it just come out” he said back to her pushing his chair back and placing his feet on the table.
“Could she describe it” said Storm curiously.
“She called it Dominant Vampire Hybrid, I know it’s strange” he said back.
“So she’s got vampire like abilities, that narrows it down, thanks Logan you’re a star” she said as she got to her feet and left the room to inform Jean about it who was in the infirmary.
The OOC-ness is so painful ... I want to reach through the computer screen and KILL >>> KILL >>> KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL.
Logan just sat back and the same thing kept running through his head, what drew him to Samantha sparks.
I don't know, but you'd better watch out - Professor X had his eye on her first! And you've already got enough underaged wrongness goin' on with Rogue, dude. Damn, these old men are GRODY. Just like this entire fic!
All right, folks. I'm out. For now. I need to go down a bottle of Jack.