Early Self Reflection..(since it's not even Christmas yet)
(aiyah lj's new posting format is annoying to have to learn how to comprehend...like I could afford to sacrifice time from my precious break to do this..which I guess is what I get posting maybe 5 times since school started...)
I think I have changed a lot in little ways this year...such as I was feeling kind of bad because I didn't expect many people to give me gifts on my birthday (even though at the same time, I didn't really want to get gifts, which, incidentally, is part of the reason I don't tell anyone my birthday), while at the same time I knew it was stupid and that's not what I should be thinking about...ever. But now, at Christmas, I'm thankful that I don't have many people that I need to give presents to (obviously), and can honestly say that I would have been content giving stuff without receiving anything (because that can be used as leverage against everyone...jk). I've also gotten to become a lot more involved in church thanks to much less Chinese school interference, which I think has led to a lot more soul searching...only I'm not sure if I've found anything -_-. And then there was my a-lot-less-procrastinating phase near beginning of school to now, my more-than-ever-before-procrastinating phase...which I believe is due to my increasing lack of self control. Strengthened some friendships and grew further from other people..which is frustrating and really sucks if it's their fault. Believe I was more excited about Christmas the past two years than this year because Christmas got here a lot faster and in that way managed to evade my attention, leading to my mind still being in the non-Christmas mindset. Also don't think I've ever wanted to be an adult living on my own more, though at the same time I can see more reasons why I shouldn't be allowed to be alone ><. Have discovered the joys of waking up early when there is no school and everyone is still sleeping, spending time alone and/or with God, even though He's always there (of which I'm very thankful for too) blahblahblah. Lastly, the most tragic of tragics, my memory of Alias is beginning to have cracks in it.
And then there's stuff that stayed the same...like my fudging hypocrisy and my injuries near Christmastime. But I have been scorekeeping some since we don't have Mrs. Campana no more and it is hecka fun for some reason..at least after the initial panic of not knowing what I was doing the first time. Of course my grades are still not good enough..and I still can't explain things in an easily understandable way for my life...of which I was kindly reminded of yesterday by Tammie haha. People are still often asking why I am so mean..I should ask why they are so sensitive in return. Really, is it not obvious that I enjoy this kind of verbal sparring and am not trying to actually offend anyone (because it should be obvious that having to go through emotional cleanup is way too much hassle for a lazy bum like me -_-), and just trying to show off my insulting skills? And I don't think I will ever say this again, but the people I insult the most are probably the people who I enjoy being in the company of the most (unless the stuff I say is actually true). Regardless of the cracks in my memory, my obsession with Alias still stands...Also think I'm still very self conscious (even if it may not seem so..), and am still socially naive.
Want to post my Christmas presents later..hopefully will get around to doing that.
Oh, and I rediscovered the joys of hot chocolate lately, and throat is sore to the point I sound like a black person if I put on the gangster accent (NO OFFENSE).
Might go to Los Angeles. Haha when my parents tell me we might go to LA my first thought is yes! I get 7 hours of pretty much non-stop music listening xEE.
[edit]: OH YEAH I forgot to say that now I have managed to rise above my sister's level of immaturity and sometimes just take it when my sister insults me (and these instances have become more frequent this year too) and merely complain to myself or my mom...and occasionally my sister herself haha! about how my sister just can't seem to learn how to grow the heck up after 12 (13?) years. [/edit]
I think I have changed a lot in little ways this year...such as I was feeling kind of bad because I didn't expect many people to give me gifts on my birthday (even though at the same time, I didn't really want to get gifts, which, incidentally, is part of the reason I don't tell anyone my birthday), while at the same time I knew it was stupid and that's not what I should be thinking about...ever. But now, at Christmas, I'm thankful that I don't have many people that I need to give presents to (obviously), and can honestly say that I would have been content giving stuff without receiving anything (because that can be used as leverage against everyone...jk). I've also gotten to become a lot more involved in church thanks to much less Chinese school interference, which I think has led to a lot more soul searching...only I'm not sure if I've found anything -_-. And then there was my a-lot-less-procrastinating phase near beginning of school to now, my more-than-ever-before-procrastinating phase...which I believe is due to my increasing lack of self control. Strengthened some friendships and grew further from other people..which is frustrating and really sucks if it's their fault. Believe I was more excited about Christmas the past two years than this year because Christmas got here a lot faster and in that way managed to evade my attention, leading to my mind still being in the non-Christmas mindset. Also don't think I've ever wanted to be an adult living on my own more, though at the same time I can see more reasons why I shouldn't be allowed to be alone ><. Have discovered the joys of waking up early when there is no school and everyone is still sleeping, spending time alone and/or with God, even though He's always there (of which I'm very thankful for too) blahblahblah. Lastly, the most tragic of tragics, my memory of Alias is beginning to have cracks in it.
And then there's stuff that stayed the same...like my fudging hypocrisy and my injuries near Christmastime. But I have been scorekeeping some since we don't have Mrs. Campana no more and it is hecka fun for some reason..at least after the initial panic of not knowing what I was doing the first time. Of course my grades are still not good enough..and I still can't explain things in an easily understandable way for my life...of which I was kindly reminded of yesterday by Tammie haha. People are still often asking why I am so mean..I should ask why they are so sensitive in return. Really, is it not obvious that I enjoy this kind of verbal sparring and am not trying to actually offend anyone (because it should be obvious that having to go through emotional cleanup is way too much hassle for a lazy bum like me -_-), and just trying to show off my insulting skills? And I don't think I will ever say this again, but the people I insult the most are probably the people who I enjoy being in the company of the most (unless the stuff I say is actually true). Regardless of the cracks in my memory, my obsession with Alias still stands...Also think I'm still very self conscious (even if it may not seem so..), and am still socially naive.
Want to post my Christmas presents later..hopefully will get around to doing that.
Oh, and I rediscovered the joys of hot chocolate lately, and throat is sore to the point I sound like a black person if I put on the gangster accent (NO OFFENSE).
Might go to Los Angeles. Haha when my parents tell me we might go to LA my first thought is yes! I get 7 hours of pretty much non-stop music listening xEE.
[edit]: OH YEAH I forgot to say that now I have managed to rise above my sister's level of immaturity and sometimes just take it when my sister insults me (and these instances have become more frequent this year too) and merely complain to myself or my mom...and occasionally my sister herself haha! about how my sister just can't seem to learn how to grow the heck up after 12 (13?) years. [/edit]