THE X-MEN FIRST CLASS KINK MEME: PROMPT POST
You know why you're here. You've seen the movie. You're asking yourself, "So where was the gratuitous Emma Frost as White Queen in a corset? When did Mystique totally make it with Beast? WHY IN HEAVENS DID XAVIER AND MAGNETO NEVER MAKE OUT
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Erik shakes his head once, his eyes downturned, glittering beneath the screen of lowered lashes, and when the lamp flickers again it shows every line sunk in his face.
Charles wants desperately and irrationally to kiss them all away. He tightens his hands on the mattress's edge and doesn't let himself move.
"You thought you saw everything before," Erik says tonelessly, as the phone rattles and the windows creak. "Now you've seen. How I gave in to Schmidt, how I became his creature --"
The "No!" is out of Charles's mouth almost before he realizes it. "No, that's not -- you never surrendered to him, Erik! He --" Fortunately Charles stops himself from blurting the rest of that sentence, the utterly superfluous bald description of the horrific memory they just relived.
The silence that falls is crushing enough. Erik's hands tighten around his clothes, the buckle of his belt quivering in midair. "This was a mistake," he says with eyes closed, and Charles's heart aches inside him. "I should never have inflicted myself on you." And he turns towards the door.
"Erik, please," Charles babbles with no idea what to say next. If Erik steps out that door -- Charles has no idea if he'll ever return, to their shared project, to their friendship, to, dare he even hope, his bed. Erik stands still as if cast of pale metal, his shoulder between them, and Charles hesitantly begins, "I know there are open wounds in your soul, my friend." Erik doesn't even breathe, and the air grows thicker and thicker, but Charles pushes his words out against it anyway. "I hope you know I would never willingly disturb them. But Erik?" Who takes a slow breath, lashes quivering faintly on his cheekbone. "If I keep away from all your scars too, I'll never touch you at all."
Please don't say that would be better, Charles thinks, keeping the plea safely contained inside his own head. Please, not now, not ever. No other words come to him, and he waits, heart a heavy stone in his chest and his gift begging him to let it show him Erik's mind as Erik's impassive face will not, while Erik stands halfway between him and the door.
Erik takes a deep breath, and Charles watches his shoulderblade rise under the strong muscles. "Why do you even want to?" he asks, and his voice is alive again, threaded with both pain and curiosity.
Charles opens his mouth, and shuts it. Nothing will sound credible, no words would be adequate, not now. He reaches out with the sincerity of his mind and shows Erik the blazing meteor he was, falling into Charles's life, the beauty and the fascination he possesses, the infinity behind his eyes that Charles longs to spend a lifetime exploring.
Erik's eyes flicker open, flick to Charles and back again towards the floor. "Really?" he asks, and he still sounds raw, but there's a thread of his dry wit too. "The more fool you, then." But he turns towards Charles, dropping one handful of clothes on the nearby chair, and holds out his hand.
Charles tries to keep his smile gentle rather than the wide grin of relief he can feel tugging the corners of his mouth. Erik doesn't smile, but there's warmth in the deep green of his eyes as Charles lays hand in hand and Erik pulls him to his feet.
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When he reclaims it even the air tastes sweet. "Yes," he has to say, and finally, surprisingly, Erik smiles, if just a little.
"I need to," Erik begins, tilting his head towards the door, and Charles nods so he doesn't have to elaborate on the images of a long walk, breathing night air, clearing his mind with the here and now; all of it is framed in a tender kind of certainty that at least for tonight he won't leave for good. "You should get some sleep."
Charles gives Erik his second best dubious look, and Erik smiles wide enough to reach both sides of his mouth and squeezes Charles's hand before letting go. Charles obediently crawls into bed as Erik dresses quickly, leaving undershirt and hat behind, and it aches a little to watch Erik walk away from him, though not as much as it buoys him when Erik turns and glances back at him before stepping out.
As Erik walks Charles stays aware of him, just enough to track him, and watches shadows and streetlights interlace across the blameless ceiling as he thinks: about what kind of man would so torment a boy, and what kind of man could reclaim himself after having been so tormented. He considers everything he learned about Erik in their ocean meeting as if he'd read a book of him at a glance, and everything Erik has lived through that Charles can never truly know.
At length, after an hour and a half of nighttime walking, Erik slips back into the room soundlessly, as if he truly thought Charles would be asleep. He stands behind Charles as he undresses, watching him breathe so intently the hair prickles on Charles's nape; then he walks around to the other side and climbs in facing Charles, who finally lets himself open his eyes and smile a greeting.
Erik narrows his eyes as he settles beneath the covers, and he takes advantage of the bed's width to keep to his own space, not touching Charles anywhere. Charles closes his eyes, balanced between childish disappointment and profound relief, when a brush of intent prickles his nerves a moment before Erik loops his fingers around Charles's wrist again, settling the pad of his thumb against a small scar on Charles's forearm from a childhood fall that broke a banister.
When Charles looks up Erik's eyes are shut, his mouth a slight downcurve echoing his annoyance with himself. "I shouldn't need this," he whispers into the breathing silence between them, and Charles's heart rises and thumps against his ribs.
"You're allowed to enjoy it," Charles murmurs in answer, curling his fingers down to brush Erik's for a moment before relaxing his hand. Erik's mouth reverses its curve as his fingers tighten gently over Charles's pulse, Charles closes his eyes for the last time that night, and that is how they fall asleep.
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