Warning for spoilers is currently required for prompts regarding Apocalypse (if the prompt is about something that wasn't in a trailer, then a warning is needed).
[I don't think this is exactly what OP had in mind, but thinking about that line again definitely got some gears turning...]
When the elevator doors open and Charles sees Erik for the first time in ten years, what hits him even before the anger is the overwhelming relief that his telepathy lies safely out of his reach.
And then the anger comes, and the punch comes rushing out of him. He doesn’t regret it.
And then, everything in Charles trembling as he watches Erik wipe his mouth and clamber to his feet again, one of the first things out of Charles’ mouth that he has to make absolutely clear - to Erik, to his dormant telepathy, to himself…
I’m never getting into that head again.
It finally crystallized. In that long moment of utter, tense catharsis, looking into Erik’s eyes for the first time in so long - the messy, entangled mass of emotions and desires Charles couldn’t explain or defend or even bear to call his own finally harden into conviction.
Every day for the last ten years, they had pulled and weighted him down as if he were drowning. They had all come from those same words, and at the beginning, the despair and crippling loneliness they brought with them had alone been enough to make him beg for the serum.
I’m never getting into that head again.
In those first few years alone, Charles had experienced for the first time in his life, how vulnerable his own powers made him. What had brought him more happiness and made his powers feel more fulfilled than ever before, had left a hole in his very soul with its disappearance. He had met a mind on par with his own. He had found a place the likes of which he’d never known, where his telepathy was so intrigued, took such a liking to the winding depths there, it felt exactly as much at home as in his own head. For once Erik had started to let him in, Charles hadn’t been able to hold himself back. His telepathy had always been one step ahead of him, plunging joyously through the corridors to find its way to the innermost parts of Erik’s mind. And though the contents Charles saw on the way there were sometimes shockingly divergent with his own beliefs, the workings and the feel and the qualities of his mind were so beautiful, so unique… it quickly became that there was no place Charles’ telepathy would rather be. There was no place where it fit more perfectly.
As Erik had slowly allowed Charles in farther, let him touch even the most hidden, intimate recesses of his mind as they trained together, taking up in Erik’s mind became second-nature. As Erik came to welcome him, to trust him as they grew closer and closer to each other, Erik’s mind became a familiar, safe and comforting place, even as it retained the points of contradiction that made it so endlessly fascinating.
And for the first time in his life, Charles had experienced what it was like to fall in love with someone through the mind.
Re: Fill [2/2]l_awlietxoxxMay 30 2014, 23:32:10 UTC
Of course, even though Charles’ safe haven had begun turning worryingly dark in the days before Cuba, he couldn’t have come anywhere near predicting how terrible everything would go. He would never forget the blow of cold exile dealt by the helmet.
I’m never getting into that head again.
Desperation as Charles lay in Erik’s arms, wracked by pain and unable to move, his telepathy rushing out madly and ramming itself uselessly against impenetrable borders as he tried to understand why Erik was really leaving… Why he was making these ultimatums that they both knew Charles could never accept…
I’m never getting into that head again.
A thought that nearly brought him to tears, if Charles gave it voice too late in the night, when he was alone in a wide bed that used to be shared and when the night was too quiet and empty for his telepathy to have anywhere to go outside the head that had become so dark and empty without its kindred partner…
I’m never getting into that head again.
Pain that had gradually turned to bitterness. A self-loathing desperation to end the emptiness and the reflexive, useless searching to find him somewhere out there. Relief when he could simply silence the deafening emptiness in his own mind, mute the voice that cried of its loss. Charles had enough of his own pain. As long as everything was silent, he didn’t have to mourn the loss of a home he’d never really had a right to in the first place…
He had fooled himself into thinking any other mind, even Erik’s, could ever be fully opened and honest to him. He had fooled himself into mistaking it for safety. Erik was out there committing crimes that horrified every bit of Charles’ being when he heard about them. He was disgusted with himself for ever letting his telepathy take refuge in a place capable of that. He hated the gullibility of his own powers for deceiving him into ignoring the dark parts of Erik’s mind. He was ashamed of how terrible of a mistake he’d made to take Erik’s mind for anything close to a familiar place of safety. But even more than any of that, Charles hated himself everyday for longing still for the caress of Erik’s mind.
Silence that misguided longing in his mind. Silence the naïve, masochist impulses that yearned for an enemy he had to hate, and mourned the loss of a traitor he’d been too blind to recognize.
Staring into Erik’s eyes for the first time in years - Charles knows it, means it, and for what’s really the first time, makes himself accept the true shattering weight of it.
Re: Fill [2/2]l_awlietxoxxJune 7 2014, 08:51:26 UTC
Omg thank you! I'm echoing what the rest has said. This is sumptous and heartbreaking. You and sasha_b have been so nice giving me these fills way beyond my expectations.
I'm OP btw. I also made a mistake with that line. It was "I'm never getting inside of that head again"
Re: Fill [2/2]l_awlietxoxxJune 7 2014, 11:26:06 UTC
I realized the little change with the line when I saw it quoted somewhere else, but wasn't sure which was right... Oh well, only a little difference anyway. :) Glad my fill met OP-approval!
When the elevator doors open and Charles sees Erik for the first time in ten years, what hits him even before the anger is the overwhelming relief that his telepathy lies safely out of his reach.
And then the anger comes, and the punch comes rushing out of him. He doesn’t regret it.
And then, everything in Charles trembling as he watches Erik wipe his mouth and clamber to his feet again, one of the first things out of Charles’ mouth that he has to make absolutely clear - to Erik, to his dormant telepathy, to himself…
I’m never getting into that head again.
It finally crystallized. In that long moment of utter, tense catharsis, looking into Erik’s eyes for the first time in so long - the messy, entangled mass of emotions and desires Charles couldn’t explain or defend or even bear to call his own finally harden into conviction.
Every day for the last ten years, they had pulled and weighted him down as if he were drowning. They had all come from those same words, and at the beginning, the despair and crippling loneliness they brought with them had alone been enough to make him beg for the serum.
I’m never getting into that head again.
In those first few years alone, Charles had experienced for the first time in his life, how vulnerable his own powers made him. What had brought him more happiness and made his powers feel more fulfilled than ever before, had left a hole in his very soul with its disappearance. He had met a mind on par with his own. He had found a place the likes of which he’d never known, where his telepathy was so intrigued, took such a liking to the winding depths there, it felt exactly as much at home as in his own head. For once Erik had started to let him in, Charles hadn’t been able to hold himself back. His telepathy had always been one step ahead of him, plunging joyously through the corridors to find its way to the innermost parts of Erik’s mind. And though the contents Charles saw on the way there were sometimes shockingly divergent with his own beliefs, the workings and the feel and the qualities of his mind were so beautiful, so unique… it quickly became that there was no place Charles’ telepathy would rather be. There was no place where it fit more perfectly.
As Erik had slowly allowed Charles in farther, let him touch even the most hidden, intimate recesses of his mind as they trained together, taking up in Erik’s mind became second-nature. As Erik came to welcome him, to trust him as they grew closer and closer to each other, Erik’s mind became a familiar, safe and comforting place, even as it retained the points of contradiction that made it so endlessly fascinating.
And for the first time in his life, Charles had experienced what it was like to fall in love with someone through the mind.
Reply
I’m never getting into that head again.
Desperation as Charles lay in Erik’s arms, wracked by pain and unable to move, his telepathy rushing out madly and ramming itself uselessly against impenetrable borders as he tried to understand why Erik was really leaving… Why he was making these ultimatums that they both knew Charles could never accept…
I’m never getting into that head again.
A thought that nearly brought him to tears, if Charles gave it voice too late in the night, when he was alone in a wide bed that used to be shared and when the night was too quiet and empty for his telepathy to have anywhere to go outside the head that had become so dark and empty without its kindred partner…
I’m never getting into that head again.
Pain that had gradually turned to bitterness. A self-loathing desperation to end the emptiness and the reflexive, useless searching to find him somewhere out there. Relief when he could simply silence the deafening emptiness in his own mind, mute the voice that cried of its loss. Charles had enough of his own pain. As long as everything was silent, he didn’t have to mourn the loss of a home he’d never really had a right to in the first place…
He had fooled himself into thinking any other mind, even Erik’s, could ever be fully opened and honest to him. He had fooled himself into mistaking it for safety. Erik was out there committing crimes that horrified every bit of Charles’ being when he heard about them. He was disgusted with himself for ever letting his telepathy take refuge in a place capable of that. He hated the gullibility of his own powers for deceiving him into ignoring the dark parts of Erik’s mind. He was ashamed of how terrible of a mistake he’d made to take Erik’s mind for anything close to a familiar place of safety. But even more than any of that, Charles hated himself everyday for longing still for the caress of Erik’s mind.
Silence that misguided longing in his mind. Silence the naïve, masochist impulses that yearned for an enemy he had to hate, and mourned the loss of a traitor he’d been too blind to recognize.
Staring into Erik’s eyes for the first time in years - Charles knows it, means it, and for what’s really the first time, makes himself accept the true shattering weight of it.
I’m never getting into that head again.
Reply
I am so glad you did this, even though it broke my heart.
Reply
(btw I've been reading your stuff throughout the meme and didn't want to be a creeper commenting everywhere, but it's all awesome!)
Reply
And creeper away LOL - but seriously, thanks. :)
Reply
Reply
Reply
I'm OP btw. I also made a mistake with that line. It was "I'm never getting inside of that head again"
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment