(no subject)
I'm feeling...depressed...lately. I guess.
I feel like everybody is moving on with their life but me. I know at least 10 people who are having kids in the near future or recently did, some who are younger than me, some the same age, some older. Many of them who are having unplanned kids have been with their boyfriend, fiance, whoever shorter than Joe and I have been together.
Now, I don't want kids yet. Ok wait, I do want kids now but I know it's not the right time and I can certainly wait and would prefer to wait until I have things like a real job and a house in which I plan to stay for at least most of my life. But I do want to get engaged. And I honestly don't think it's that off base or that crazy to think about since Joe and I have been together for just about 4 years and we've been talking about getting married for most of the time.
We're living together, fending for ourselves, we know we want to get married at some point and no, there's no need to rush. It just feels hopeless. I don't want to get married tomorrow, but engagement doesn't mean immediate marriage. I just want to know that there's some sort of future somewhere on the horizon...and right now I feel stuck, right where we are....nowhere.
I feel like I'm with somebody who doesn't want to get married. Yeah he says he does and he'll be more inclined to propose when he has a job and a house, but seems to do little to attain such things. Thankfully recently he worked really hard to fill things out for a specific job but he just doesn't seem to be excited and really going far to find a job which just frustrates me. Without a job, we can't get a house, without a job and house, we can't get engaged. To me, not doing everything he possibly can to make sure he has a job in September shows me he has no interest in getting engaged or married. At least not for another 5 or more years. But I'm not willing to wait that long and when I tell him that, he doesn't seem to care. I don't know if he's confident in his abilities to find a job and have all those things within the next year or two, or if he's planning on proposing in the next year or two, or if he doesn't believe that I'll actually leave within a time frame, or if he just doesn't care if I leave.
I guess I'm just getting impatient and irritated and upset because I see all of these other people, people who haven't been together long at all, getting engaged, having kids, moving on with their lives and starting a future, and I'm just stuck here in a rut. A big stupid rut.
I feel like everybody is moving on with their life but me. I know at least 10 people who are having kids in the near future or recently did, some who are younger than me, some the same age, some older. Many of them who are having unplanned kids have been with their boyfriend, fiance, whoever shorter than Joe and I have been together.
Now, I don't want kids yet. Ok wait, I do want kids now but I know it's not the right time and I can certainly wait and would prefer to wait until I have things like a real job and a house in which I plan to stay for at least most of my life. But I do want to get engaged. And I honestly don't think it's that off base or that crazy to think about since Joe and I have been together for just about 4 years and we've been talking about getting married for most of the time.
We're living together, fending for ourselves, we know we want to get married at some point and no, there's no need to rush. It just feels hopeless. I don't want to get married tomorrow, but engagement doesn't mean immediate marriage. I just want to know that there's some sort of future somewhere on the horizon...and right now I feel stuck, right where we are....nowhere.
I feel like I'm with somebody who doesn't want to get married. Yeah he says he does and he'll be more inclined to propose when he has a job and a house, but seems to do little to attain such things. Thankfully recently he worked really hard to fill things out for a specific job but he just doesn't seem to be excited and really going far to find a job which just frustrates me. Without a job, we can't get a house, without a job and house, we can't get engaged. To me, not doing everything he possibly can to make sure he has a job in September shows me he has no interest in getting engaged or married. At least not for another 5 or more years. But I'm not willing to wait that long and when I tell him that, he doesn't seem to care. I don't know if he's confident in his abilities to find a job and have all those things within the next year or two, or if he's planning on proposing in the next year or two, or if he doesn't believe that I'll actually leave within a time frame, or if he just doesn't care if I leave.
I guess I'm just getting impatient and irritated and upset because I see all of these other people, people who haven't been together long at all, getting engaged, having kids, moving on with their lives and starting a future, and I'm just stuck here in a rut. A big stupid rut.