i found the answers

[xmellomagicx]

" it is the marriage relationship in which the changing pattern is shown up most clearly because it is the deepest one and the most arduous to maintain; and because, somehow, we mistakenly feel that failure to maintain its exact original pattern is tragedy...there is no one and only love, there are only one and only moments. and those moments are justified. the return to them, even if temporarily, is valid. Moments where you are alone together are valid, but not permanent. One comes in the end to realize that there is no permanent pure-relationship and there should not be. It is not even something to be desired. The pure relationship is limited, in space and in time. In its essence it implies exclusion. It excludes the rest of life, other relationships, other sides of personality, other responsibilities, other possibilities in the future. There is no pattern here for permanent return, only for refreshment. One learns to accept that there is no holding of a relationship to a single form. All living relationships are in process of change, of expansion, and must be perpetually be building themselves new forms. { because something is both beautiful and fleeting} let us not fall into the cynic's trap and call it an illusion. Duration is not a test of true or false. The day of the dragon fly is not invalid simply because that phase in its life cycle is brief. Validity need have no relation to time, to duration, to continuity. It is on another plane, judged by other standards. It relates to the actual moment in time and place. "

---" Gift from the Sea " by Anne Morrow Lindbergh