(no subject)
I don't know why some things bother me so much. The kid I hooked up with after prom, Brock. . .I was looking at the Bonneville yearbook tonight, and I saw his picture. So I decided to look him up on Myspace, and reading his profile, it hit me. He's a real person, with real feelings and a personality. A person I'd really like to get to know. I don't know why I didn't realize that before. He apparently has a girlfriend, but I don't know. I just thought he was some player who didn't care about anybody. But I screwed things up and hooked up with him the first night I met him. Why don't I realize that it's one of the least attractive things to do? It gives guys nothing to chase. And then I leave with a little sentiment of attachment, and I never get a call. Because who calls the girl that didn't even give you a chance to get attached? It's the guys that I make wait that call me. It's the guys that I make wait that want something real.
I've also been thinking lately about how much different life is. I'll be a senior next year, and comparing this year to my junior year is AMAZING.
Things I never thought I'd get over, I'm over. Things I thought I would be over with quickly have yet to heal. The people I thought I couldn't live without are long gone. The people I thought I didn't need were really needed in the end. Experiences I had that I thought I was too young for. The person I am is the person I never thought I'd be. But in the end, it's worth it. In the end, I have no regrets. You have to keep living life and take what you're given -- good or bad. Because the bad experiences make you who you are more than anything. They show you, and everyone else, just what you're made of. The bad makes the good that much better. These past three years have changed me more than anything. I experienced anger, sadness, joy, jealousy, pride, low self-esteem, high self-esteem. I made friends I never thought I'd make, and I lost friends that I thought I'd talk to forever. I've suffered heartbreaks I didn't think would ever happen to me. I dealt with more than I ever thought I was capable of. Those were the best experiences, even though at the time I felt like dying. They taught me so much about myself and others. I've been strong, I've been weak, I've been incredibly mean. I've changed for the better and changed for the worse. I've learned to stop caring what people think. I've been more honest. I've lost a lot, and gained a lot. I was so naive in thinking things would never change. Everyone grows up, and everyone changes. It's how you embrace the changes that counts. I learned it's a terrible thing to sit back and not take action -- you'll always wonder "What if?" And I realized that the emotion that keeps me going, the emotion that gets me into trouble, and the emotion that can ruin days is hope. Without hope, where would I be? A day will come when I'm nothing but memories, and I know that hope will still keep me going. I know I have so much more to live, and I know even more will happen that I never thought possible. I still have so much more to say, and these words keep pouring out, and I know I could write so much more.
I've also been thinking lately about how much different life is. I'll be a senior next year, and comparing this year to my junior year is AMAZING.
Things I never thought I'd get over, I'm over. Things I thought I would be over with quickly have yet to heal. The people I thought I couldn't live without are long gone. The people I thought I didn't need were really needed in the end. Experiences I had that I thought I was too young for. The person I am is the person I never thought I'd be. But in the end, it's worth it. In the end, I have no regrets. You have to keep living life and take what you're given -- good or bad. Because the bad experiences make you who you are more than anything. They show you, and everyone else, just what you're made of. The bad makes the good that much better. These past three years have changed me more than anything. I experienced anger, sadness, joy, jealousy, pride, low self-esteem, high self-esteem. I made friends I never thought I'd make, and I lost friends that I thought I'd talk to forever. I've suffered heartbreaks I didn't think would ever happen to me. I dealt with more than I ever thought I was capable of. Those were the best experiences, even though at the time I felt like dying. They taught me so much about myself and others. I've been strong, I've been weak, I've been incredibly mean. I've changed for the better and changed for the worse. I've learned to stop caring what people think. I've been more honest. I've lost a lot, and gained a lot. I was so naive in thinking things would never change. Everyone grows up, and everyone changes. It's how you embrace the changes that counts. I learned it's a terrible thing to sit back and not take action -- you'll always wonder "What if?" And I realized that the emotion that keeps me going, the emotion that gets me into trouble, and the emotion that can ruin days is hope. Without hope, where would I be? A day will come when I'm nothing but memories, and I know that hope will still keep me going. I know I have so much more to live, and I know even more will happen that I never thought possible. I still have so much more to say, and these words keep pouring out, and I know I could write so much more.