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Just, forewarning, this isn't a happy-post, and while I'm not an attention whore [When it comes to pity, at least.], I do appreciate any comments you may make.
Anyway.
Happier part first.
I'm most likely getting a job, in the mall, at the new Arcade; Cyberzone. Hot Topic and Gamestop are full. I applied at Shoguns [HAI!], and probably royally screwed myself on that one, but whatever. I turned in an application there, and they guy, Matt, said they really needed help, and I would be called soon and an interview will be scheduled. I've been wanting an excuse to look pretty. [Hey, that dance is coming up...]
I went to Hot Topic too. What did I buy? Well, I'll tell you..
Black Fishnet Shirt Thinger
Morbid Makeup Black Eye Pencil [Getting in touch with my Jonny Depp side]
Invader Zim boxers
Graveyard boxers, or something along that sepulchral line
Donkey Kong Lollipop
So, I'll probably get the job, and as a result, be on-line a lot less. I apologize for my recent goneness, I'll be on more this week, I promise.
So. Now the sad part.
Today. Choir. New song. Some stupid love song. We sing a billion of 'em. No big deal. But... this one. I forget the title. I forget the words. All I remember is that the lyrics made me think of Roanna, and thus fight tears for about thirty seconds, then eventually sneak out of the room, and into the bathrooms to cry.
Actually, the bathrooms were locked, so I just sunk into the corner behind the office windows and hoped no one would see, and they didn't. Mixed blessing.
Gizmo, Erica, Agatha, Morrie. Only ones who even know Roanna and Angel's names at Gorman. I've actually talked to it with Guillermo. The other three girls I told of my tragic insane internet life, and I'm sure they've forgotten it now.
Point is... I kept thinking "Don't be a drama queen" while listening to the song in the choir room. I really, really didn't want to cry. I kept debating with myself If they were real tears, true emotion, or if I was just getting myself worked up.
You see, this goes back to when I was younger. I was a nerd, dork, geek. Still am, but back then, it wasn't cool.
I was constantly filled with this need to be someone. Now, older, I know that I am. But I did not think myself someone until about ninth grade. I wanted things to happen to me. Big things. And I wanted people to see these things, and for them to say, "Hey, that Ben Basile, things happen to him." I had popular "friends", but I myself was nothing but a "blip" [they define themselves, really] on the metaphorical radar until the very last of 8th grade, when I played all those really hot popular girls who were all a foot taller than me. Nyuck nyuck.
Well, this really didn't satisfy my want of things to happen to me. I had been chatting since sixth grade. Went out with Tiffany [Currently impregnated by and with Louis, good luck to them...] during this time. Off and on for two years. She told me she was in love with me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was actually three years her junior, nor did I understand [I don't to this day, truly] why she fell in love with me, why she cleaned up because of me, why..
If I'm the only "man" Tiffany and Ro could have loved besides Louis...
...Uhg. Anyway.
I used to have a big ego. I guess it was because of all of this. It's gone now, whatever the cause. [My own megalomania. Whatever.]
So, back to the things thing.
So, things happened to me on the internet. I lead clans, dated a million older women, which half claimed to be in love with me. I never spoke a word of this to anyone though. It was on a computer. So it was still nerdy.
This post it horrid. But oh well.
I had no friends at Gorman, at all, my Freshman year. I lived you Youth Group at St. Francis and the computer. Then, Sophomore, came PJ, Kent, and Gizmo. Junior year, now, PJ and Kent are gone, Gizmo remains, Agatha and Erica enter.
Gizmo is the only one I haven't been reluctant to tell about this.
I almost wanted someone to stumble upon me then, but I really, really wanted to be left alone, crying silently. Catlyn.. shes a senior. Beautiful, [not my most standards, I'm sure, and I think thats the best way], and has a beautiful voice. Had a crush on her Freshman year. We've talked. Shes grand. I'd like to get to know her more. Shes told me things about her that one would not expect to be told at such a level of knowing. But shes graduating this year..so...uhg.
But, I keep these things in side. I used to update Elissa twice a week, but now, no, her life has enough shit without me telling her more. So now, I just vent on here, and it helps.
So, things happen to me. I've fallen in love, a girl has promised her undying love to me, one of my best friends and ex's has commited suicide, while she was pregnant, and now her fiancee is her best friend or ex best friend [Tiff] who is also pregnant by Louis [Ro's former fiancee] and through some fucked up way it's all justified. I'm not arguing.
So.
I'm Ben Basile. And things happen to me.
Sounds like a nice little book opener, doesn't it?
Anyway.
Happier part first.
I'm most likely getting a job, in the mall, at the new Arcade; Cyberzone. Hot Topic and Gamestop are full. I applied at Shoguns [HAI!], and probably royally screwed myself on that one, but whatever. I turned in an application there, and they guy, Matt, said they really needed help, and I would be called soon and an interview will be scheduled. I've been wanting an excuse to look pretty. [Hey, that dance is coming up...]
I went to Hot Topic too. What did I buy? Well, I'll tell you..
Black Fishnet Shirt Thinger
Morbid Makeup Black Eye Pencil [Getting in touch with my Jonny Depp side]
Invader Zim boxers
Graveyard boxers, or something along that sepulchral line
Donkey Kong Lollipop
So, I'll probably get the job, and as a result, be on-line a lot less. I apologize for my recent goneness, I'll be on more this week, I promise.
So. Now the sad part.
Today. Choir. New song. Some stupid love song. We sing a billion of 'em. No big deal. But... this one. I forget the title. I forget the words. All I remember is that the lyrics made me think of Roanna, and thus fight tears for about thirty seconds, then eventually sneak out of the room, and into the bathrooms to cry.
Actually, the bathrooms were locked, so I just sunk into the corner behind the office windows and hoped no one would see, and they didn't. Mixed blessing.
Gizmo, Erica, Agatha, Morrie. Only ones who even know Roanna and Angel's names at Gorman. I've actually talked to it with Guillermo. The other three girls I told of my tragic insane internet life, and I'm sure they've forgotten it now.
Point is... I kept thinking "Don't be a drama queen" while listening to the song in the choir room. I really, really didn't want to cry. I kept debating with myself If they were real tears, true emotion, or if I was just getting myself worked up.
You see, this goes back to when I was younger. I was a nerd, dork, geek. Still am, but back then, it wasn't cool.
I was constantly filled with this need to be someone. Now, older, I know that I am. But I did not think myself someone until about ninth grade. I wanted things to happen to me. Big things. And I wanted people to see these things, and for them to say, "Hey, that Ben Basile, things happen to him." I had popular "friends", but I myself was nothing but a "blip" [they define themselves, really] on the metaphorical radar until the very last of 8th grade, when I played all those really hot popular girls who were all a foot taller than me. Nyuck nyuck.
Well, this really didn't satisfy my want of things to happen to me. I had been chatting since sixth grade. Went out with Tiffany [Currently impregnated by and with Louis, good luck to them...] during this time. Off and on for two years. She told me she was in love with me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was actually three years her junior, nor did I understand [I don't to this day, truly] why she fell in love with me, why she cleaned up because of me, why..
If I'm the only "man" Tiffany and Ro could have loved besides Louis...
...Uhg. Anyway.
I used to have a big ego. I guess it was because of all of this. It's gone now, whatever the cause. [My own megalomania. Whatever.]
So, back to the things thing.
So, things happened to me on the internet. I lead clans, dated a million older women, which half claimed to be in love with me. I never spoke a word of this to anyone though. It was on a computer. So it was still nerdy.
This post it horrid. But oh well.
I had no friends at Gorman, at all, my Freshman year. I lived you Youth Group at St. Francis and the computer. Then, Sophomore, came PJ, Kent, and Gizmo. Junior year, now, PJ and Kent are gone, Gizmo remains, Agatha and Erica enter.
Gizmo is the only one I haven't been reluctant to tell about this.
I almost wanted someone to stumble upon me then, but I really, really wanted to be left alone, crying silently. Catlyn.. shes a senior. Beautiful, [not my most standards, I'm sure, and I think thats the best way], and has a beautiful voice. Had a crush on her Freshman year. We've talked. Shes grand. I'd like to get to know her more. Shes told me things about her that one would not expect to be told at such a level of knowing. But shes graduating this year..so...uhg.
But, I keep these things in side. I used to update Elissa twice a week, but now, no, her life has enough shit without me telling her more. So now, I just vent on here, and it helps.
So, things happen to me. I've fallen in love, a girl has promised her undying love to me, one of my best friends and ex's has commited suicide, while she was pregnant, and now her fiancee is her best friend or ex best friend [Tiff] who is also pregnant by Louis [Ro's former fiancee] and through some fucked up way it's all justified. I'm not arguing.
So.
I'm Ben Basile. And things happen to me.
Sounds like a nice little book opener, doesn't it?