In which I seriously fuck up Williams' shit
So, funny story about moving out yesterday. I woke up aroud 9:30 am and starting packing my stuff up. By a little past noon I had everything in boxes and ready to go. My car was, as always, was parked in the lower Mission Lot (roughly equivalent to living in the Butts and being required to park only in the Vine St. Lot). So I leave the building to go bring it around to load up.
Upon returning to the building, I realize I left my wallet, and therefore my swipe card, in the room. There's no one else around at all. Distraught, I realize my room is on the ground floor and the windows are open. I walk around to the window and carefully pop the screen out (which is surprisingly easy) and begin climbing in the window. I step on the desk, and look for another foot hold. I step on the radiator block.
Now, for anyone who's ever been inside a room in the Butts: you know those exposed water pipes that run around the ceiling and feed the sprinkler system? Ok, good. Well, in this dorm, those pipes are about waist-level. As I step on the radiator, it suddenly gives way and becomes dislodged from the wall. It comes crashing down (with me partially standing on it) onto the aforementioned pipe. I hear a rushing sound behind me.
Ridiculously enough, the pipe ruptures. Gallons of dirty, black water spew forth (Barbara Spalding was right) all over the mattress and carpet. Fortunately, all my stuff was largely out the range of the water, except my mercifully empty backpack and some notebooks on my desk. Frantically I begin moving everything out of the room to avoid it becoming completely sodden. When I'm satisified that it'll be okay for now, I rush outside to the blue light phone and call Williams College Security (or as I like to call them, WillSafe). I manage to intimate to the dispatcher that there is a ruptured water pipe in my room and that Bryant House is quickly becoming Bryant Pond.
Amazingly, it takes the WillSafe officer a good 15 or 20 minutes to show up. In this time, the entire floor of the room has become covered with a half inch of water, and the same has pretty much happened to the hallway and the other 3 rooms on it. When the officer finally shows up, he's justifiably stunned at what has happened, and justifiably begins to bitch me out for being a moron. Eventually they call in the Buildings and Grounds (or as I like to call it, WillPlant) staff plumber or something and he shuts off the water AND the power in the building (NB: most people have moved out or were in the process of moving out at this point). I figure this is pretty much as bad as it's going to get, so I ask the officer if I can go, or if he needs me to do anything else.
WillSafe- "Well, there's not much you can do now, is there?"
Me- "No, sir. So should I leave now?"
WillSafe- "Might as well. You'll be back next fall, right? We can sort what's going to happen then."
Me- "Well, actually, no."
WillSafe- "You won't be coming back?"
Me- "I'm not a Williams student."
WillSafe- "What?!"
Me- "I'm a visiting research assistant in the astronomy department."
WillSafe- "Ugh! Well, we need to call HQ and make sure they have your address and phone number."
Me- "...okay."
So I had to give them all that info. Presumably, they're going to try make me pay for some kind of room damage. (I mean, if that happened at Wesleyan, they sure as hell would). The question is, what do they do to me if I don't pay? They can't SJB me (or, as I like to call it, WillJB me) because I'm not their istudent, and they can't withhold anything from me if I don't pay them, because I've already gotten all my paychecks from them and I have no further affiliation with them. Hmm.
But anyway, yeah. I seriously fucked their shit up, big time. When it was all over and I was finally driving out through North Adams I burst out laughing at the sheer absurdity of the situation, although it was actually pretty traumatic at the time it was happening.
Upon returning to the building, I realize I left my wallet, and therefore my swipe card, in the room. There's no one else around at all. Distraught, I realize my room is on the ground floor and the windows are open. I walk around to the window and carefully pop the screen out (which is surprisingly easy) and begin climbing in the window. I step on the desk, and look for another foot hold. I step on the radiator block.
Now, for anyone who's ever been inside a room in the Butts: you know those exposed water pipes that run around the ceiling and feed the sprinkler system? Ok, good. Well, in this dorm, those pipes are about waist-level. As I step on the radiator, it suddenly gives way and becomes dislodged from the wall. It comes crashing down (with me partially standing on it) onto the aforementioned pipe. I hear a rushing sound behind me.
Ridiculously enough, the pipe ruptures. Gallons of dirty, black water spew forth (Barbara Spalding was right) all over the mattress and carpet. Fortunately, all my stuff was largely out the range of the water, except my mercifully empty backpack and some notebooks on my desk. Frantically I begin moving everything out of the room to avoid it becoming completely sodden. When I'm satisified that it'll be okay for now, I rush outside to the blue light phone and call Williams College Security (or as I like to call them, WillSafe). I manage to intimate to the dispatcher that there is a ruptured water pipe in my room and that Bryant House is quickly becoming Bryant Pond.
Amazingly, it takes the WillSafe officer a good 15 or 20 minutes to show up. In this time, the entire floor of the room has become covered with a half inch of water, and the same has pretty much happened to the hallway and the other 3 rooms on it. When the officer finally shows up, he's justifiably stunned at what has happened, and justifiably begins to bitch me out for being a moron. Eventually they call in the Buildings and Grounds (or as I like to call it, WillPlant) staff plumber or something and he shuts off the water AND the power in the building (NB: most people have moved out or were in the process of moving out at this point). I figure this is pretty much as bad as it's going to get, so I ask the officer if I can go, or if he needs me to do anything else.
WillSafe- "Well, there's not much you can do now, is there?"
Me- "No, sir. So should I leave now?"
WillSafe- "Might as well. You'll be back next fall, right? We can sort what's going to happen then."
Me- "Well, actually, no."
WillSafe- "You won't be coming back?"
Me- "I'm not a Williams student."
WillSafe- "What?!"
Me- "I'm a visiting research assistant in the astronomy department."
WillSafe- "Ugh! Well, we need to call HQ and make sure they have your address and phone number."
Me- "...okay."
So I had to give them all that info. Presumably, they're going to try make me pay for some kind of room damage. (I mean, if that happened at Wesleyan, they sure as hell would). The question is, what do they do to me if I don't pay? They can't SJB me (or, as I like to call it, WillJB me) because I'm not their istudent, and they can't withhold anything from me if I don't pay them, because I've already gotten all my paychecks from them and I have no further affiliation with them. Hmm.
But anyway, yeah. I seriously fucked their shit up, big time. When it was all over and I was finally driving out through North Adams I burst out laughing at the sheer absurdity of the situation, although it was actually pretty traumatic at the time it was happening.