(no subject)
Okay. Yeah. So I broke my goddamned camera. I come home to make money and instead I break my $300 camera. I am sending it to Fujifilm in hopes that they will be able to repair it for a decent amount (less than $300), but I do not have high hopes.
I have been nothing short of anxious for over a week now-- maybe two weeks? I keep thinking about horrible things... like death and what I like to call "loosing time." I can hardly sleep without taking something to relieve anxiety. I don't know what it is, but I can't make it go away.
I'm feeling lonely and disconnected. I haven't seen anyone my own age since going to Sac for Jen's birthday. It feels like no one wants to talk to me on AIM unless they are complaining, which only makes me want to complain at them in return. I want more news than I am getting, and I want to be in the middle of everything, but I can't say anything without sounding like a pushy bitch thanks to my constant bad moods. It's not like I really mean things in that way... I just can't seem to control my tone or my moods.
I need to get out of this damned house, but I don't really have anywhere to go or anything to do. I'd go Christmas shopping except I'm fucking broke and I can't afford the gas to go to Eureka. My mom is driving me crazy, and it's not even her fault. She just needs people to do things for her... and I've been the only person around. That means that I've been feeding the dogs, doing the shopping, making dinner, rubbing her feet, getting her tea, etc. etc. etc. It's not like she's asking too much, but put this on top of my anxiety, the work of listing shit on eBay, and my loneliness, and I'm just running out of patience (not that I have much in the way of patience anyway... as ya'll probably know).
Anyway, I'm mainly freaking out about the damned camera right now. Everything else sucks, but... I really didn't need a $300 loss on top of it. It was my own damned fault (I was tired and not being careful enough), and that really just makes everything worse. If there were someone I could blame it on that would be one thing... but the only person I can blame it on is me.
So yeah.. I miss my people. I miss talking to others about things I care about. Conversations on the Internet just don't seem to go anywhere, if they exist at all. I know this is really just a big whiny post... but sometimes it's just nice to spill everything. Plus, I don't think people read this journal that often >
I have been nothing short of anxious for over a week now-- maybe two weeks? I keep thinking about horrible things... like death and what I like to call "loosing time." I can hardly sleep without taking something to relieve anxiety. I don't know what it is, but I can't make it go away.
I'm feeling lonely and disconnected. I haven't seen anyone my own age since going to Sac for Jen's birthday. It feels like no one wants to talk to me on AIM unless they are complaining, which only makes me want to complain at them in return. I want more news than I am getting, and I want to be in the middle of everything, but I can't say anything without sounding like a pushy bitch thanks to my constant bad moods. It's not like I really mean things in that way... I just can't seem to control my tone or my moods.
I need to get out of this damned house, but I don't really have anywhere to go or anything to do. I'd go Christmas shopping except I'm fucking broke and I can't afford the gas to go to Eureka. My mom is driving me crazy, and it's not even her fault. She just needs people to do things for her... and I've been the only person around. That means that I've been feeding the dogs, doing the shopping, making dinner, rubbing her feet, getting her tea, etc. etc. etc. It's not like she's asking too much, but put this on top of my anxiety, the work of listing shit on eBay, and my loneliness, and I'm just running out of patience (not that I have much in the way of patience anyway... as ya'll probably know).
Anyway, I'm mainly freaking out about the damned camera right now. Everything else sucks, but... I really didn't need a $300 loss on top of it. It was my own damned fault (I was tired and not being careful enough), and that really just makes everything worse. If there were someone I could blame it on that would be one thing... but the only person I can blame it on is me.
So yeah.. I miss my people. I miss talking to others about things I care about. Conversations on the Internet just don't seem to go anywhere, if they exist at all. I know this is really just a big whiny post... but sometimes it's just nice to spill everything. Plus, I don't think people read this journal that often >