Life ain't always beautiful...
Here it goes… the last entry (or thing period) that I will ever write from Miley Hall, room 208, Salve Regina University, and Newport, RI, the 02840. I’m going back to CT! This year was… an interesting ride, full of extreme highs and low lows. But that’s life for you, right? Unpredictable. I am sad to be leaving Salve; I’ll admit that. I’ll really miss it a lot. On my way out, I’m leaving a huge part of my soul behind in this lovely little beach town. Campus: gorgeous. Uhm, yeah, hi? This classroom was once a billionaire’s bedroom. Oh, and under that whiteboard? A marble fireplace. But what’s even more incredible to look at every day: The view out the windows that I catch in class every morning, mid-daydream. That’d be the Atlantic Ocean. Deep blue. And there are some quaint cottages and a lighthouse in the distance. The Cliffwalk? Breathtaking. I’ve gone for some of the most refreshing walks and taken some of the most, well, breathtaking, pictures ever. A ten-minute walk to the beach in September, or January, or May. Being a “Salve girl” and living “on the island,” or taking the trolley “into town.” Town… Thames Street: I love you. Oh, and the trolley. You’re so dangerous and unreliable, but so convenient. And fun. We fondly (yeah, girls, I have a speech impediment, leave me alone) refer to you as the “trol-trol” which we always sprinted to catch “on the 1’s.” The RIPTA: now you I can safely say I hate. Granted, I never would have left the island if it wasn’t for you, but you’re still a lousy, lousy biotch. Remember that time Bria and I were stranded in Middletown because of you and had to walk 7.1 miles home, after dark, in mid-November? Mhm. We never failed to meet the most interesting, ridiculous people on that bus though: Joe and Bobby, the ladies who were throwing their baby around, countless homeless men, the guy talking about “his girl,” Shannon, and so on. Providence trips: Providence Place (shopping… ah, retail therapy), Fire + Ice, Cheesecake Factory, Uno’s, and the clubs/bars (Bar One & Level Two) promoting wonderful underage drinking. I’ll miss your enabling, Prov. Trips to Boston and the 431. (Wow, we really became experts on public transportation, eh?) Never a dull moment… just INSANITY! I love my big brother(s)! Matt, you’re support and comic relief helped me through this year so much. Chili Peppers concert, Weebles! (I guess that’s what happens when you takes shots of Jager and play quarters, still drunk from the night before, starting at 9am), St. Patty’s Day (breakfast and being drunk for like 24 straight hours… “You drink like a Wanat!”), scorpion bowls, Celts game, etc. Speaking of siblings… the Big Sisters program at Thompson Middle School was so rewarding. RaJanee, you’re crazy! You’re so spunky and kept me laughing every second we were together. I’ll never forget you, girlie. You opened my eyes to a lot of things. I didn’t realize that poverty was existent in Newport. That’s right, Newport is not all mansions and beaches… which do surround us, by the way. Did I mention the Breakers was literally my next-door neighbor? Glamorous does not even begin to describe.
Traditions, rituals, habits: we had our fair share. 4:30 dinner specials because we knew how to fight the system, clam chowder Fridays, white pizza, and of course… fro-yo! (“White” for Bria, cause she’s from Maine and their population is 97% white… cut her some slack.) Abbreviations galore. That’s the “real truth,” right Allison? Watching Charmed against our wills, or whatever sport was in season. Skyranch! Chickens, speaking rap, Smoothie Guy (<3 Rasheed), Shirls. Wow. And there were always our late night trips on any night of the week to visit Donna at Miley Mart. Remember when she played doctor to my ID? Or how she is Allison 10 years down the line? You know, saving her cheddar Chex Mix, and all. What a nut job, but we adore her. It’s 3:09 a.m. right now and there are stupid bitches frolicking and screaming outside in the courtyard. Gahh, what’s new? I’m pretty sure the only times we ever went out there (other than just in passing) was to make “trash runs” or when we painted rocks the first week of school. That was the very beginning of the ABCJK<3! P.s… what is 207?! But first, put the basket down, please. One of my first memories here! Another first: my first friends, Natalie and Elizabeth. It was love from orientation! You guys are absolute dears. Thanks for being my escape from Miley life.
Another escape of mine? Phu. You were my sanity check this year. When I needed to be removed from this situation, whether physically or just with a long-distance phone call, you were there. I can safely say that I owe a lot of who I’ve become this year to you. I hate the place that we’re in right now, but I hope that in the future you can come to appreciate me again and give me some ounce of hope to indicate that those 16 months that we were together meant something. You were the best and worst things to happen to me. I’ve been trying to erase you from my life like you so brutally suggested, but when it comes down to it, I still ask myself every night as I’m trying to fall asleep at some un-godly hour why and how we could have let something so good turn so bad. You know how I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I’ve yet to discover one for why we are not still together. You treated me incredibly coldly during that “break-up,” if you can ever call it that. This whole not-speaking deal just isn’t cutting it either. Being denied you was like quitting an addiction, cold turkey. I guess the situation is even more like that than I even realized when I first put those words down onto paper .3 seconds ago. My drug was no where to be found. I knew that finding it would be instant temptation and giving in would be detrimental to my health. Not calling you sucked. I worried. I wondered. I cried... a lot. I was angry and hostile. I went through stages of someone dealing with an addiction, like an alcoholic first admitting they have a problem. The cravings nearly killed me, but I knew I would be better off without you in the long run. It sucks like hell now, but maybe it had to happen and it was better to do so sooner than later. I just can’t win, I guess. To make a long story short, I hate what you’ve done to me. But as hard as I try and fight it, I love you and miss you more than words can say. Whoever said “absence makes the heart grow fonder” wasn’t kidding. I guess that’s all I can say to you. I hope someday things can work themselves out. You’ve been such a big part of my life.
After that ended, halfway through the second semester, I think I had an epiphany. I know tons of people have basically come to the same realization a gazillion times before me, but I had to figure it out on my own. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. And with these last two months of my freshman year in college came new relationships, new experiences, but most of all, a lot of alone time. And while “alone time” had previously given me full-fledged anxiety attacks, I love it now. It’s so simple. I like myself a lot. Appreciating my self more means never allowing anyone else to under appreciate me. I’ve never been a girl with low self-esteem, to be quite honest, and I’m never going to be one. Empowering, right? Working with the mentally disabled in Learning Unlimited taught me self-advocacy. That is half the reason I am transferring to UConn in the fall. I just have to do what feels right for me, and that is what does now. Everyone says that they change so drastically from high school graduation to the end of freshman year in college. I don’t think I really have. I have, though, become a lot more patient, calm, and understanding. I’ve become more appreciative of education, educators, my family (especially my parents), and people in general, especially the ones I don’t like or disagree with; I think they’re the ones who teach you the most about yourself. The way you react to or treat them, or don’t. Being a Social Work major was lovely and I’m pretty sure I still want to be a high school social worker, but the wonderful Father Malone has inspired me to take the psych route. I think being in any type of relationship with a psychology major intimidates many people, but I’m glad for it giving me the upper hand. I think I already have an advantage. I understand people. I can read them. I look at why people did or said what they did or said and how it shaped their personality that made them so inclined then to act that way. I sleep better at night. Well, that’s a lie. I don’t sleep very much. Well, at least not at night. Most of my sleeping now goes on while the sun is still out. Call me nocturnal, but college has turned me into an avid nap-taker (almost as good as Carly). One flaw I’ve learned about myself is that as hard as I try not to procrastinate, procrastination will always triumph over good. It just likes me too much. Why work or study when you can sleep? Or play on Facebook, or watch a movie, or frolic out on McAuley lawn? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
But through it all, I’ve found that it matters more who you’re with than where you are. I’ve met some amazing people. At Salve, it wasn’t about quantity, it was quality. I’ll admit it. I, the social butterfly, was rarely social this year. I met a lot of people but wouldn’t call them my close friends. On the contraire, I’ve made five of the best friends ever. I’d say I’m actually incredibly lucky. The 208, the 207 and the 236 were what it’s all about. I basically lived in three rooms this year.
The ABCJK<3 has been incredible.
Ashley, you were never here at Salve and I’ll kill you for that, but you were a kickass roommate. I’m sorry for snoring and I’ll accept in advance your apology for slamming our door six million times every morning at 7 a.m., when neither of us had a class until 9:30. ;) But I’ll miss watching Ellen and rarely doing work with you. It was sweet.
Julie, you know how I feel about you. You are an incredible friend. And person, period. You’ve been through so much and yet you’re so selfless. I’m so glad I met you and we discovered that we are the same freaking person. I can always laugh and cry with you; our heart-to-hearts healed my soul. I hope you get everything that this world owes you.
Allison, Bria-lyn, and Carly… what to say? We’ve spent every waking moment together over the past nine months and I’ve loved every second of it… well, almost. You guys mean the world to me. Our crazy excursions, Jesus take the wheel (we won’t talk about that sore subject right now), eating 2-4 meals a day together, diets and very brief gym/exercise obsessions, bread products, calling “not it” to call for/pick up food, and being each others emotional crutches at any given second (or “stripe of time”). I really can’t even begin to articulate. Sunday night Desperate and Thursday Grey’s with Allison. Code knocks on our shared wall. Intense chats with Bria and Carly that always end in intense frustrations or ridiculous laughter (which results in extreme abdominal and facial soreness). Late night sillies and uncontrollable laughter. Who brought the goat?! Apricot? Paprikaaa. Linuminum. Sitting in the café talking for over four trolley rotations during lunch. YouTube videos galore. “Bitch, get me a chicken sandwich and some waffle fries… FO FREE!” and “asbestos muffin!” “Well, I have 60 cousins that live in space and I just recently lost 700 pounds and have six babies that all spoke four different languages before they were born, and I invented the kayak and the streets.” Ah, Penelope. Old Greg and the hotdog video. Or quoting Dane Cook… or really any song, movie, TV show, inside joke or conversation that we’ve ever had, quoted in common conversation… and then bursting into spontaneous laughter. Sing-a-longs, especially to girly jams and Disney tunes. Naming off Pokemon. Making up words (manimal, strangulated, profucious). "Primetime" is right after dinner. RooRoos. Me being a kleptomaniac and stealing stupid, random shit everywhere we go. Banging on the walls as a form of communication. “Ohhh Bobbyyyy” in the elevator. KC. Abbrevs. The “real truth,” aka Allison taking credit for anything that any one else has ever said or did. Liposhhucshhun/Schhhmulley. An. Noah. Josh… haha, wow, I won’t even start. The Russian. Alien. H-dub. Flannel Boy. NB (Necklace Boy). SAB. Chainsmoker. Barbie and Ken. NM. Who didn’t we have code names for?! Wow. “Fucking die!” SRU dance: I freaking love you all… you are all so amazingly talented! I would totally stay at Salve just to be part of that group still. Tech weeks were ridic, but you girls are family. University Choir… what a joke. I’m still pissed about paying $55 for that stupid dress that I wore once, but Don and Dave were adorable and so worth it.
I’m going on four typed pages right now and it’s 4:08 a.m. Tomorrow is CINCO DE DRINKO (aka Cinco De Mayo) and my last weekend as a “Salve girl.” Kinda sad. That term was endearing. Everyone in all of Rhode Island (yeah, all 1 million people living in the 401) either love us or want to be us… don’t lie. Either way, they know us. I guess, to end this, all I can say is, “No matter where you go, you can never shake the sand from your flip flops, or the beach from your soul.” ABCJK<3 and Newpsie love, forever.