(no subject)
I wrote a whole entry on what was bothering me.
Then I lost internet and it deleted it.
I feel like hurting someone or something.
It's fucking hot as hell in here. I need a fan. I'm really sweaty. I feel disgusting.
I had to go out in ginormous hail to bring in my sister's laundry.
Uhmm, most of my friends are assholes. Even though I thought things were finally looking up.
And to top it all off.. the UCONN job sucked.
Pat was in a meeting until ten, so I didn't have anywhere to go at eight thirty. So my mom dumped me in Oncology and I volunteered there instead.
But then Pat forgot to get me. So I was stuck there all day with a perky volunteer who's in college. She's twenty nine. And man, did I feel inferior.
I was very jealous of the way she was able to communicate with others. But at the same time, she's the kind of person you feel uncomfortable around. At least people can be comfortable around me? Whatever, I need to work on my personality.
And my supervisor for the day was Deneen. My father's cousin.
I also got to meet my father's golf-buddy.
They all smile at me sadly. I feel horrible that I bring so much sadness to these people. It's like I hurt their eyes for them to look at me, because they all seem to hold in tears when they talk to me.
I have curly hair like him. I have his eyebrows. I have his smile.
I am one of the two pieces of him left living. They shouldn't make me feel like I'm some kind of monster.
So, it was a bad day.
My first bad day in months.
It feels so out of the ordinary.
And it's pleasing to think that this is what every day was like back in January. Until I fixed it.
I fixed my life.
I did it.
Me :]
Then I lost internet and it deleted it.
I feel like hurting someone or something.
It's fucking hot as hell in here. I need a fan. I'm really sweaty. I feel disgusting.
I had to go out in ginormous hail to bring in my sister's laundry.
Uhmm, most of my friends are assholes. Even though I thought things were finally looking up.
And to top it all off.. the UCONN job sucked.
Pat was in a meeting until ten, so I didn't have anywhere to go at eight thirty. So my mom dumped me in Oncology and I volunteered there instead.
But then Pat forgot to get me. So I was stuck there all day with a perky volunteer who's in college. She's twenty nine. And man, did I feel inferior.
I was very jealous of the way she was able to communicate with others. But at the same time, she's the kind of person you feel uncomfortable around. At least people can be comfortable around me? Whatever, I need to work on my personality.
And my supervisor for the day was Deneen. My father's cousin.
I also got to meet my father's golf-buddy.
They all smile at me sadly. I feel horrible that I bring so much sadness to these people. It's like I hurt their eyes for them to look at me, because they all seem to hold in tears when they talk to me.
I have curly hair like him. I have his eyebrows. I have his smile.
I am one of the two pieces of him left living. They shouldn't make me feel like I'm some kind of monster.
So, it was a bad day.
My first bad day in months.
It feels so out of the ordinary.
And it's pleasing to think that this is what every day was like back in January. Until I fixed it.
I fixed my life.
I did it.
Me :]