Remembering then...
It is truly a strange thing to think about the past... so many different emotions are tied to events that happened to us, and even two or three years is a long time. The one thing that I struggle with the most is I live with the sin of regret, I regret roughly half, if not more, of everything I've done for the past few years. I wish more than anything I could travel back in time. I know that that is one of the most cliche desires humans have, but I can't stand living knowing I fucked up so badly. The lesson you're supposed to learn is to remember your mistakes so as to not make them again, well that lesson is useless to me because I will never come across those choices to fuck up again. I dislike the way things are unfolding. They aren't even unfolding. They're fucking sitting idle and stagnant and not developing into anything. I thrive on the pain of life, the shittiness that dwells in every person, the hate that drives so many, I feed on unhappiness, I can't really change that...that's just who I am. I know all about life and I know what the right mindset is... I just can't live with it comfortably and be me.
And all this thinking has made me come to some conclusions -
I don't want to continue living in this manner.
I want to get in shape. I want to start doing something worth while. I want to take back everything this lifestyle has robbed me of. I want to cut down on smoking pot. I want to regain all the social skills I have lost. I don't want to be a stupid fucking stoner. I want to have to not worry about what some of my friends think about what I'm doing or who I'm with or what I'm doing with who I'm with. I don't want to let anyone hold me back from something I want. I don't want to have such short-sighted goals. I don't want to feel lonely. I don't want to feel uncomfortable, unconfident, confused, I don't want to feel like I'm just wasting away anymore! I don't want to despise talking and communicating, I don't want to do the same goddamn thing every day, I don't want to waste any more of my time not using my talents and I sure as hell don't want to fucking amount to nothing.
Where have all my real friends gone...and why is everyone so shallow and material-obsessed that hanging out can't be just sitting on a field somewhere enjoying the day?
I want to know why the world is so fucked up. Fuck humans. We are the scum of the earth, the waste god shat upon it after he created everything else, we have fucked up and destroyed this gift of life so horribly that the future can sometimes look bleak, but at the same time...
we are the hope.
So fuck all the bullshit, life has gotta be lived. Annnnnnnnnnd
that's it.
Andrew
I got a crucial need for some cuddlin' & makin' out time, jesus fucking christ.
And all this thinking has made me come to some conclusions -
I don't want to continue living in this manner.
I want to get in shape. I want to start doing something worth while. I want to take back everything this lifestyle has robbed me of. I want to cut down on smoking pot. I want to regain all the social skills I have lost. I don't want to be a stupid fucking stoner. I want to have to not worry about what some of my friends think about what I'm doing or who I'm with or what I'm doing with who I'm with. I don't want to let anyone hold me back from something I want. I don't want to have such short-sighted goals. I don't want to feel lonely. I don't want to feel uncomfortable, unconfident, confused, I don't want to feel like I'm just wasting away anymore! I don't want to despise talking and communicating, I don't want to do the same goddamn thing every day, I don't want to waste any more of my time not using my talents and I sure as hell don't want to fucking amount to nothing.
Where have all my real friends gone...and why is everyone so shallow and material-obsessed that hanging out can't be just sitting on a field somewhere enjoying the day?
I want to know why the world is so fucked up. Fuck humans. We are the scum of the earth, the waste god shat upon it after he created everything else, we have fucked up and destroyed this gift of life so horribly that the future can sometimes look bleak, but at the same time...
we are the hope.
So fuck all the bullshit, life has gotta be lived. Annnnnnnnnnd
that's it.
Andrew
I got a crucial need for some cuddlin' & makin' out time, jesus fucking christ.