(no subject)
so i never use this thing, but today i needed to update. I have two things two update about, one really good one really bad. I guess i'll start with the good
-I've got a girlfriend. she makes me really happy. Honestly, thats all i need to say about that. Its that simple
-I would normally be in school right now, but im home because on sunday my grandfather died. I had to come home today because tomorrow morning is the funeral. We're not even doing a wake, just a mass and funeral. I'd be lying if i said i wasnt really upset about this. I wasnt nearly this upset when my grandmother died. My grandpa meant so much to me and taught me so much, and basically raised me for the first 8 years of my life. Since July hes had every type of ailment and cancer and what have you, and finally a week ago he fell trying to get out of bed and hit his head and did neurological damage. Since then he had been acting like a toddler, talking nonsense and not knowing who anybody is, and then sunday morning he finally died. Im not even sure what the official cause of death was. It doesnt really matter- he had everything. I have to be a pallbearer and carry his casket. I feel honored that i was asked to do it, but i honestly am hoping i can even handle it. Im more upset than i thought id be. I never got to say goodbye to him, so i just wrote him this really long note that im going to put in his casket, along with one of his handkerchiefs that he gave me and an ace of spades. I just cant wait for tomorrow to be over. I need closure in this whole thing. Ive been on my toes since july waiting for it to happen, and i just want to bury him and let him have his peace. I thought since ive been expecting it for so long it would be easy, but its not.
In the letter i wrote to him i reminisced about all the good memories i have of him. there are so many. im so fortunate to have had him in my life, and thats why this upsets me so much. hes been in a home for like 3 years now and ive barely seen him, and even when i did he just sat there, but the fact that hes really gone hits so much harder. Its not that i cant see him, its that hes gone. if that makes sense. Its been surreal all day yesterday and today and then when i wrote that note it finally all hit me. The reality came crashing down that hes really gone and now im finally starting to deal with it.
I dont wanna talk about this anymore, i just want tomorrow to be over. And its halloween no less, one of my favorite holidays. ugh.
-I've got a girlfriend. she makes me really happy. Honestly, thats all i need to say about that. Its that simple
-I would normally be in school right now, but im home because on sunday my grandfather died. I had to come home today because tomorrow morning is the funeral. We're not even doing a wake, just a mass and funeral. I'd be lying if i said i wasnt really upset about this. I wasnt nearly this upset when my grandmother died. My grandpa meant so much to me and taught me so much, and basically raised me for the first 8 years of my life. Since July hes had every type of ailment and cancer and what have you, and finally a week ago he fell trying to get out of bed and hit his head and did neurological damage. Since then he had been acting like a toddler, talking nonsense and not knowing who anybody is, and then sunday morning he finally died. Im not even sure what the official cause of death was. It doesnt really matter- he had everything. I have to be a pallbearer and carry his casket. I feel honored that i was asked to do it, but i honestly am hoping i can even handle it. Im more upset than i thought id be. I never got to say goodbye to him, so i just wrote him this really long note that im going to put in his casket, along with one of his handkerchiefs that he gave me and an ace of spades. I just cant wait for tomorrow to be over. I need closure in this whole thing. Ive been on my toes since july waiting for it to happen, and i just want to bury him and let him have his peace. I thought since ive been expecting it for so long it would be easy, but its not.
In the letter i wrote to him i reminisced about all the good memories i have of him. there are so many. im so fortunate to have had him in my life, and thats why this upsets me so much. hes been in a home for like 3 years now and ive barely seen him, and even when i did he just sat there, but the fact that hes really gone hits so much harder. Its not that i cant see him, its that hes gone. if that makes sense. Its been surreal all day yesterday and today and then when i wrote that note it finally all hit me. The reality came crashing down that hes really gone and now im finally starting to deal with it.
I dont wanna talk about this anymore, i just want tomorrow to be over. And its halloween no less, one of my favorite holidays. ugh.