(no subject)
An Open Letter to My Friends:
Well i haven't seen too much of my friends lately, mostly because i've been working seven days a week. Ive really been working my ass off.
But theres something i need to get off my chest because im tired of internalizing everything in my life. Most of my friends know ive had an anxiety problem for years. What you probably don't know is that the past month or so has been a living hell for me. I've been anxious every day since the beginning of May. I've never experienced anything like this before. For a while i thought i was gonna go crazy or something, but i found out thats just a by-product of anxiety, its just another irrational fear. I'm not going crazy, im just dealing with a lot of anxiety. A month straight of non-stop intense anxiety is very tiring and very hard on the body and the brain. Chances are, if you've hung out with me since ive been home you might not have even noticed anything wrong. Well, thats cause ive gotten so good at bottling up my emotions over the years that ive had to hide my anxiety because i thought i was weird or different. Im not hiding it anymore, thats unhealthy, and i really dont care if people dont understand it or not. Its a normal emotion that i just seem to feel more often than other people.
Now, for a while i was really horrified with this whole experience. When you have a month of living in fear every day its pretty terrible. Now ive changed my outlook. I think this is a blessing. You see, im a believer in fate. Things happen for a reason, and the reason this happened to me is because once i get over it i will be so much stronger and i will be able to deal with so much more in life than ever before. Im keeping my head up and just working hard to get through this.
The reason why i am writing all this is because i want to be open with my friends, and anyone who cares to know. because i no longer feel the need to internalize my problems and act like if i hide them from people i can pretend theyre not there. i also wanted to let people know in case anyone wonders why i might be acting a little strange, or am avoiding certain situations- for so long i used excuses to cover up when i was feeling anxious because i didnt want people to know. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm just at a very difficult time in my life, and i need to sort some shit out and do a little work to get through it. i've lived a month of hell thus far and its prepared me for any more that lies ahead.
Well i haven't seen too much of my friends lately, mostly because i've been working seven days a week. Ive really been working my ass off.
But theres something i need to get off my chest because im tired of internalizing everything in my life. Most of my friends know ive had an anxiety problem for years. What you probably don't know is that the past month or so has been a living hell for me. I've been anxious every day since the beginning of May. I've never experienced anything like this before. For a while i thought i was gonna go crazy or something, but i found out thats just a by-product of anxiety, its just another irrational fear. I'm not going crazy, im just dealing with a lot of anxiety. A month straight of non-stop intense anxiety is very tiring and very hard on the body and the brain. Chances are, if you've hung out with me since ive been home you might not have even noticed anything wrong. Well, thats cause ive gotten so good at bottling up my emotions over the years that ive had to hide my anxiety because i thought i was weird or different. Im not hiding it anymore, thats unhealthy, and i really dont care if people dont understand it or not. Its a normal emotion that i just seem to feel more often than other people.
Now, for a while i was really horrified with this whole experience. When you have a month of living in fear every day its pretty terrible. Now ive changed my outlook. I think this is a blessing. You see, im a believer in fate. Things happen for a reason, and the reason this happened to me is because once i get over it i will be so much stronger and i will be able to deal with so much more in life than ever before. Im keeping my head up and just working hard to get through this.
The reason why i am writing all this is because i want to be open with my friends, and anyone who cares to know. because i no longer feel the need to internalize my problems and act like if i hide them from people i can pretend theyre not there. i also wanted to let people know in case anyone wonders why i might be acting a little strange, or am avoiding certain situations- for so long i used excuses to cover up when i was feeling anxious because i didnt want people to know. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm just at a very difficult time in my life, and i need to sort some shit out and do a little work to get through it. i've lived a month of hell thus far and its prepared me for any more that lies ahead.