After so long, why am I questioning fate?
"its been 5 yrs. but i still love you. i wont ever stop.
happy birthday.
UGH. i hvant talked to him in YEARS. i barely see him. but why every year on this day i just want to die. i miss him more on this day than any other day. i sometimes even go a couple days where i dont think about him. but all day. on this day. all i do is cry and feel so alone. its been almost 5 yrs."
that was my last entry.
He talked to me. Saturday April 1st he drove by me 4 times, then on the 5th time he stopped. He asked me for a lighter, and i didnt have one. Then he asked if I wanted to go for a drive while he smoked up, (I had to work in 20 mintes, I didnt care)
I called work and lied, said I left late and I was going to be late. He then pulled a lighter out of his pocket, but it didn't light. So we went to his house to get one, and we just hung out there. We talked, we put everything behind us, and promised not to let anything from the last four and a half years get between us. We would be friends. oh my god. The whole time I couldn't help but think, why? Why did you stop? Why today? Why four and a half years ago did you walk away from me? Why her? Why now? Why didn't you love me enough to stay Why do I still love you?
None of those "whys" were answered. But I was none-the-less satisfied that we talked, until I was offically 20 minutes late for work. So now what? Are we friends? Should I ask those burning questions? Should I just be friends with him?
I think I'll go see him, and just ask why he pulled me over, and what ever his answer I'll take it from there and I wont bring up the past or how I feel. I am after all moving. And he has a g/f, he has for 3 years there is no way I want to ever come between that in anyway. I missed him so much. Now he's back. I am so incredibly happy! Although these questions make me confused and sort of uneasy I am so happy knowing he is ok, that he doesn't hate me. I can now actually say hi when I see him, I dont have to look away or avoid him. I have him back. My first love, is back.
happy birthday.
UGH. i hvant talked to him in YEARS. i barely see him. but why every year on this day i just want to die. i miss him more on this day than any other day. i sometimes even go a couple days where i dont think about him. but all day. on this day. all i do is cry and feel so alone. its been almost 5 yrs."
that was my last entry.
He talked to me. Saturday April 1st he drove by me 4 times, then on the 5th time he stopped. He asked me for a lighter, and i didnt have one. Then he asked if I wanted to go for a drive while he smoked up, (I had to work in 20 mintes, I didnt care)
I called work and lied, said I left late and I was going to be late. He then pulled a lighter out of his pocket, but it didn't light. So we went to his house to get one, and we just hung out there. We talked, we put everything behind us, and promised not to let anything from the last four and a half years get between us. We would be friends. oh my god. The whole time I couldn't help but think, why? Why did you stop? Why today? Why four and a half years ago did you walk away from me? Why her? Why now? Why didn't you love me enough to stay Why do I still love you?
None of those "whys" were answered. But I was none-the-less satisfied that we talked, until I was offically 20 minutes late for work. So now what? Are we friends? Should I ask those burning questions? Should I just be friends with him?
I think I'll go see him, and just ask why he pulled me over, and what ever his answer I'll take it from there and I wont bring up the past or how I feel. I am after all moving. And he has a g/f, he has for 3 years there is no way I want to ever come between that in anyway. I missed him so much. Now he's back. I am so incredibly happy! Although these questions make me confused and sort of uneasy I am so happy knowing he is ok, that he doesn't hate me. I can now actually say hi when I see him, I dont have to look away or avoid him. I have him back. My first love, is back.