:'(
why does everything suck so much.. nothing ever works out for me.. i hate everyone right now.. i really do..everyone is so fucking fake i cant stand it.. i fucking hate the fact my best friend and someone who used to be 1 of my best friends are just talking behind my back as if its no thing at all.. i herd from someone eveyrhting they said.. and i dont udnerstand why they think its such a big deal to confront me.. its like.. stop being so fucking fake and pussy and just tell me already.. its only causing more problems.. whatever..i knew about this b4 i went to her house today for her birthday..and i left basically because it was getting to me.. for the past 3 nites ive been cutting a lot .. more then i ever have..not for attention, but because i dont wanna take my anger and hurt out on other people... my leg is really fucked up and it never hurt and burned like this.. im an idiot and i just did it again not 2 long ago.. i showed nicole last nite.. she wasent 2 happy.. ive never showed any1 before because i never wanted sympathy for it..i hate sympathy.. i dont ever want it and i never want people to think i need it because it jus makes me more upset.. i stopped smoking.. a new years revolution i guess.. i mostly stopped for ben and boch.. and nicole.. its kinda funny how i stopped for someone who dosent even give a shit about me [ben].. everything would just be so much better if he talked to me about things not someone else.. especially my best friend in the whole world..or someone who i thought was my best friend in the whole world...i was thinking about suicide before.. after i came back home from sams.. but im 2 pussy for that shit.. sam bleeps me like nothigns wrong and asks me if im going out 2nite.. maybe she should stop being so fake and tell me how she feels and mayb stop thinking im so fucking stupid.. i cant take it anymore i hate all the people here.. no1 is real to any1 and no1 speaks their mind.. every1 jus bottles it up.. i wanna tell ben how i feel but how many fucking times do i have to be the one to patch things up?? i mean.. ive told him stuff ive never told any1 in my whole life.. and he was such an important person to me and i cared so much about him.. but hes 2 tied up in his own perfect world with his perfect girlfriend and his perfect fucking life.. so whatever.. im sick of trying to work things out. i really am.. because if im such a fucking god dam bad person why do people bother with me.. i dun even know how i have friends.. oh i know why.. cuz half my friends decide to hide all of my flaws.. if no1 tells me wen im pissing them off how am i supposed to stop? im not a god dam mind reader..ugh i dont wanna be here anymore..and im not saying its none of my fault because it is.. every1 talks shit.. its the way valley stream and central and all other schools are.. eeverything is gossip and bullshit and drama that people create to make their lives more exciting.. every1 does it.. but i seem to be the only one thats ever targeted for it.. shoot me.. pleaz