Mission Statement, (it took me 3 hours to figure this all out)
Ok, so life just gets worse. The Good news though is that I figured out why my life gets worse and im tring to Fix it. One of My Problems in life is that I escape to a dream world and hide from my problems when they get larger than I am.
My number one problem was the crowd that I was running with. You know when your young and your parents try and tell you that some people are no good ? BUT you don't wanna listen? Well I am learning more and more everyday that you should listen to them, BECAUSE THEY ARE RIGHT !
I think as far as people ive been associating with for my entire life, I can count on less than 10 fingers the ones that were worth taking advice from. The Rest, no matter if they were Friends,Relatives,Young People,Old People,etc... were all just as lost as I was in the world and had no right giving me "solid" advice. This is one of the things that I have made the most progress In Changing.
My Number Two Problem in life is Myself. I am at war with my demons and I fight a fight with them everyday. Today was a losing day. I do however fight that fight everyday, and I have been everyday of my life up until the very second that you are reading this.
One could write this off as me repressing my childhood emotions, and one would be absolutely correct in that assumption. However this will not fix todays problems. All of my problems are here, Past and present. The Biggest Problems I have are inside and won't go away until I figure out how to deal with them.
I plan to talk to my parents and by talk I mean than I am going to sit down and really figure out what it is from my past and present that I think screw me up and ask if they agree or disagree with that statement. I am not going to blame or place judgment. I will however ask if they have an opinion about how I can Fix the problems that hold me back. I don't blame anybody I just need help.
It really isn't their fault, I can't stress this enough, because for the most part they did the best that they could, the best way they knew how. That is all that you can ask from anybody, is that they try in the best way that they know how. (I am not practicing what I ask of others. This is another thing that I am Desperately trying to change.) My parents are great people and I don't say OR think it enough, but I love them.
The third problem in my life was drugs. The reason i say that in past tense is because I have been drug free for 60 days and counting. I never want to go back to that place in my life again. Ever Since I was 16 years old drugs have been a determining factor in my life.
Granted I have tried everything, I mostly just smoked pot.
The one thing about it is that you let it decide things for you, your plans and friends are determined by how easy it is going to be to get high. This also included in my case where I was going to work. There are no good jobs that allow drug use, this i can assure anyone.
The reason I smoked pot was because it made me not think about my problems. Therefore if I stayed high all the time, I would never have to face my problems. Being high was my way of escaping. I just hurt myself along the way though. I now want to face my problems and beat my problems. I am tired of hiding and escaping. I am not a coward.
The previous was an explanation of a mental tool that I have used for a long time. It was the worse tool you can use, like trying to put together an entire engine with a pair of pliers. I am finding that when a person has no mental tools then he has nothing to fix his head or put his life together with. I need to develop GOOD mental tools.
I believe that my life will get better. I am an eternal optimist despite everything that happens and all the things that I lay upon my shoulders. I believe in my heart that I will be successful someday. I also believe that I will be happy with myself someday. I'm not the type that wants help but I do believe that I may need some along the way.
I will always have to fight my demons. I plan on winning A lot more in the future though. Today the demons won the hour. They can celebrate their victory too!, and I will admit my defeat for the day. One thing I know for a fact though, Is that Victory is never sweeter than when you know the sorrow of defeat.
I have known more defeat in 20 years than many will ever want to know in their entire lives. So my victory's will be sweeter than anything I have ever known. I Emphasize victory so much because as it was once written by a great Journalist,"Victory Is Good For You, And Don't Let Anyone Tell You Different!".
So in closing this entry into my life, I would like to state for the record that this is not a plea for help, Of Insanity, or just random bitching as I have become so famous for. This is a Mission statement that explains why I feel what I feel and with any hope why I do the things I do and say the things I say. This Is the Mission Statement for the rest of my life !
P.S anything that was said before Before the 10th of june was bullshit and didn't have much thought put into it. So I am Revising the Honor Roll to suit my new understanding of the world around me.
Christoper Rogers- A true friend in ways that he will never be given proper credit for.
Tami- Still my Sunshine in a garden of darkness, and one of the only people that never give up on me.
Mom- for always being there to listen.
Dad- for always trying to keep me on the good path.
Grandpa- for constantly trying to give me knowledge and teaching me that you can always come back up no matter how far you've fallen.
Nana- For always loving me despite my wicked ways
Corky- For being like family when i don't deserve it.
Danny Opfer- for being a friend at a time when I don't have many left.
Ricky- for being one of the last of my old friends, and because he has climbed out of the whole and inspired me to find the way.
and for Papa whom is no longer with me in this world, but when i think of who taught me whats important in life, I think of him. He was a man that I think all men should strive to be. If I end up being half the person that he was then I would consider my life a Success and die a happy man.
and for grandma who is, god bless her soul because she trys so hard to please everyone and rarely gets much in return.
May the wind be at your back, and luck in your favor. May you find the courage and means to pursue the destinations of your wildest dreams.--Billy J Walden 3rd
My number one problem was the crowd that I was running with. You know when your young and your parents try and tell you that some people are no good ? BUT you don't wanna listen? Well I am learning more and more everyday that you should listen to them, BECAUSE THEY ARE RIGHT !
I think as far as people ive been associating with for my entire life, I can count on less than 10 fingers the ones that were worth taking advice from. The Rest, no matter if they were Friends,Relatives,Young People,Old People,etc... were all just as lost as I was in the world and had no right giving me "solid" advice. This is one of the things that I have made the most progress In Changing.
My Number Two Problem in life is Myself. I am at war with my demons and I fight a fight with them everyday. Today was a losing day. I do however fight that fight everyday, and I have been everyday of my life up until the very second that you are reading this.
One could write this off as me repressing my childhood emotions, and one would be absolutely correct in that assumption. However this will not fix todays problems. All of my problems are here, Past and present. The Biggest Problems I have are inside and won't go away until I figure out how to deal with them.
I plan to talk to my parents and by talk I mean than I am going to sit down and really figure out what it is from my past and present that I think screw me up and ask if they agree or disagree with that statement. I am not going to blame or place judgment. I will however ask if they have an opinion about how I can Fix the problems that hold me back. I don't blame anybody I just need help.
It really isn't their fault, I can't stress this enough, because for the most part they did the best that they could, the best way they knew how. That is all that you can ask from anybody, is that they try in the best way that they know how. (I am not practicing what I ask of others. This is another thing that I am Desperately trying to change.) My parents are great people and I don't say OR think it enough, but I love them.
The third problem in my life was drugs. The reason i say that in past tense is because I have been drug free for 60 days and counting. I never want to go back to that place in my life again. Ever Since I was 16 years old drugs have been a determining factor in my life.
Granted I have tried everything, I mostly just smoked pot.
The one thing about it is that you let it decide things for you, your plans and friends are determined by how easy it is going to be to get high. This also included in my case where I was going to work. There are no good jobs that allow drug use, this i can assure anyone.
The reason I smoked pot was because it made me not think about my problems. Therefore if I stayed high all the time, I would never have to face my problems. Being high was my way of escaping. I just hurt myself along the way though. I now want to face my problems and beat my problems. I am tired of hiding and escaping. I am not a coward.
The previous was an explanation of a mental tool that I have used for a long time. It was the worse tool you can use, like trying to put together an entire engine with a pair of pliers. I am finding that when a person has no mental tools then he has nothing to fix his head or put his life together with. I need to develop GOOD mental tools.
I believe that my life will get better. I am an eternal optimist despite everything that happens and all the things that I lay upon my shoulders. I believe in my heart that I will be successful someday. I also believe that I will be happy with myself someday. I'm not the type that wants help but I do believe that I may need some along the way.
I will always have to fight my demons. I plan on winning A lot more in the future though. Today the demons won the hour. They can celebrate their victory too!, and I will admit my defeat for the day. One thing I know for a fact though, Is that Victory is never sweeter than when you know the sorrow of defeat.
I have known more defeat in 20 years than many will ever want to know in their entire lives. So my victory's will be sweeter than anything I have ever known. I Emphasize victory so much because as it was once written by a great Journalist,"Victory Is Good For You, And Don't Let Anyone Tell You Different!".
So in closing this entry into my life, I would like to state for the record that this is not a plea for help, Of Insanity, or just random bitching as I have become so famous for. This is a Mission statement that explains why I feel what I feel and with any hope why I do the things I do and say the things I say. This Is the Mission Statement for the rest of my life !
P.S anything that was said before Before the 10th of june was bullshit and didn't have much thought put into it. So I am Revising the Honor Roll to suit my new understanding of the world around me.
Christoper Rogers- A true friend in ways that he will never be given proper credit for.
Tami- Still my Sunshine in a garden of darkness, and one of the only people that never give up on me.
Mom- for always being there to listen.
Dad- for always trying to keep me on the good path.
Grandpa- for constantly trying to give me knowledge and teaching me that you can always come back up no matter how far you've fallen.
Nana- For always loving me despite my wicked ways
Corky- For being like family when i don't deserve it.
Danny Opfer- for being a friend at a time when I don't have many left.
Ricky- for being one of the last of my old friends, and because he has climbed out of the whole and inspired me to find the way.
and for Papa whom is no longer with me in this world, but when i think of who taught me whats important in life, I think of him. He was a man that I think all men should strive to be. If I end up being half the person that he was then I would consider my life a Success and die a happy man.
and for grandma who is, god bless her soul because she trys so hard to please everyone and rarely gets much in return.
May the wind be at your back, and luck in your favor. May you find the courage and means to pursue the destinations of your wildest dreams.--Billy J Walden 3rd