Finding You Again chapter 1 part 2 of 3
Title: Finding You Again
Chapter: 1 part 2/3
Pairing: (Main) Hyukhae, Yewook (Side) Kihae, Yoosu, Changmin/Kibum
Rating: PG-13
Summary: (sequel to Finding You ) Donghae and Hyukjae are given a second chance at finding each other, but will their new lives keep them apart?
Note: This is written from Donghae's Point of View.
Prologue | Part 1
Donghae's P.O.V.
I was sitting in class staring out the window. There was only a week left until graduation, and it seemed pointless to pay attention to the talk about how you walked up and recieved your diploma. How hard was it to walk up to a podium and grab a piece of paper anyways?
I heard Ryeowook sigh from beside me; he's been doing that a lot lately. Something about once we graduated it would be hard for him to continue to see Yesung, the boy he's foolishly head over heels in love with.
I've met Yesung before; he's super protective of Ryeowook. But their relationship is weird, sometimes it seemed like they were lovers while other times he treated Ryeowook like his brother. It was confusing and I felt bad for Ryeowook, but who was I to judge, it wasn't like my romance was going any better.
I turned my head to look at Kibum; he was quietly listening to the teacher. When he came back for America I was so confused. While he was away he didn't contact me at all, not a phone call, letter or even text message. Nothing, he left me with nothing. No hope that he would return, but he had. And I couldn't find it in my heart to not let him back in.
But it wasn't like it was before. Kibum walked around me on egg shells, afraid that the slightest thing would break us apart. And I didn't even try to change that.
I loved Kibum so much but sometimes I couldn't go a second without making sure he was really here and that I wasn't just dreaming it. I would sometimes sneak into his room just to make sure he was really in there. And I would randomly grab a hold of him just to make sure he was solid and not a figment of my imagination.
I loved him but I couldn't open up to him, I couldn't tell him the reason I always hung onto him and then pushed him away.
I didn't trust him.
And the guilt I felt from that knowledge plagued my mind, my heart and my soul.
Things couldn't continue like this. I was pushing him away, I could see it. We were in love but we were both to afraid to really acknowledge it.
Somewhere between all my mushing about Kibum the school bell had rang and just like most days I had spent it thinking about Kibum.
As I started to pack up my things I could tell that Ryeowook had spent his whole day thinking about Yesung. We were pathetic, we both knew that.
Kibum was off to the side, quietly packing up his things. He rarely spoke anymore; if it wasn't for the fact that I could read his mind we probably couldn't communicate at all.
I let out a sigh and hung my head down, registering that Ryeowook had also done the same thing at the exact same time.
Kibum smiled at us, silently telling me that I should stay and talk with Ryeowook and then he left, waving goodbye to us.
I turned to Ryeowook "Relationship problems?" we both asked at the same time, causing us to laugh at each other.
We really were pathetic.
We grabbed our bags and headed out to the soccer field. It was quiet and deserted; a perfect place to vent our problems.
"You go first" we both said as soon as we were sitting in the middle of the soccer field. We both laughed but in the end I decided that Ryeowook should go first, seeing as I already knew the solution to my romantic problems.
"School's almost over" Ryeowook stated. I knew that, we were in the same class.
"And?" I questioned him
"Once we graduate Yesung won't have any reason to walk me to school anymore. And then we'll be in college and we won't have the same classes and I'll never see him again"
I smiled "That's not true...you two can't even go a day without seeing each other"
Ryeowook sighed "As true as that is" he said "we still aren't together"
This I was all too familiar with. Back when I was pursuing Kibum (and he kept on denying me) it always felt like the end of our relationship was around the corner.
"There is only one thing I can tell you" I said "To be in love you have to be brave"
"What do you mean?" He asked
"Being in love means you are going to have to fight a lot of things" I informed him "If you're not strong enough to fight than it won't last"
Ryeowook was silent for a while, and I just sat next to him as he thought things over
"What if I'm the only one willing to fight?" He asked. I knew what this was about. Ryeowook had been talking about it a lot recently. Apparently Yesung was good friends with Ryeowook's cousin and Yesung wouldn't ask Ryeowook out without his permission. Or at least that's what Ryeowook thinks.
"Then it won't last" I said
"But it's always worth trying right?" he asked
"I don't know" I admitted "Some days it feels like it's worth it and other days...you wish you never tried"
"Things will get better between you two" Ryeowook comforted me
"We weren't talking about me" I said
"Yeah, sure" he said and then we were silent.
We were silent for a really long time.
"Ryeowook I'm leaving" I said.
"Ehh? So soon?" he asked shocked
I laughed a short laugh and smiled at him
"I don't mean I 'm leaving right this second" I said "I meant...I'm leaving when summer starts"
"What?" he questioned me "Where are you going? What about Kibum? When are you coming back? Are you coming back? What about me?"
I laughed again
"I can't do this Ryeowook, I can't keep hiding my heart from Kibum" I said "I love him so much...but he hurt me...and I can't trust him...I have to get away from him. When he's around I can't understand what my feelings are for him...I don't want to be confused, I want to be in love...and if I don't leave, I'm afraid we won't last"
Ryeowook nodded his hhead "You are coming back right?" he asked
"Yes, of course I am" I smiled "I'm just going to spend the summer in China"
"China?"
"Yeah"
"How long have you been planning this?"
I bit my lip out of guilt "I've been thinking about it for a while...I just didn't buy the tickets until 2 weeks ago"
"So for two weeks you knew you were going to leave and you didn't tell me?" Ryeowook asked slightly hurt.
"I haven't told anyone" I admitted
"Kibum doesn't know?"
"I...I haven't gotten around to telling him, but he knows something's up with me, we can't really keep anything from each other"
"I've noticed" Ryeowook said "It's so weird that you can read each other's minds...I bet Yesung would love to be able to do that"
I smiled at him "Don't worry, things will get better between you two" I mocked him
"Hey, I don't sound like that" he defended himself and then once again we went silent.
We sat there for countless minutes just staring at the scenery in front of us. It was sad to think that this was our last week in this school. Well maybe more sad for Ryeowook, seeing as he's been here his whole life and I only just moved here this year. But it was still sad. I would miss hanging out with Ryeowook and all the stupid things we did. But at least we were going to the same college. At least I had that certaintly in my life.
"That's it" Ryeowook stated, breaking the silence "I'm going to tell him"
"What are you talking about?" I asked
"I'm going to tell Yesung that I love him"
"Really?"
"Yes...I mean, if you can go off to some foreign country than I can tell Yesung I love him"
"You're absolutely right" I said
"I have to be brave, right?" he said
"Right"
"I have to fight, right?"
"Right"
"I'm not a girl, I don't have to sit around and wait for him to make a move...I'm a man damn it and I can confess to whoever I want to" Ryeowook stated, standing up and pointing to me.
I stood up too "Yes you can" I said
"I'm going to go do it now" he said and turned around to leave
"FIGHTING!" I yelled at his retreating back and I saw him pump his fist into the air.
If Ryeowook could confess to Yesung than I could tell Kibum about China, so with a new found resolve I ran off in the direction of my house.
***
When I got home Kibum was sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea. I approached him and asked if I could sit. He just smiled at me.
"I need to talk to you" I said and he just nodded his head.
"I bet you've noticed I've been acting strange recently" I continued and he raised an eyebrow as if to say 'clearly' I ignored it and continued talking.
"I've been thinking a lot about us recently" I admitted "about how we just aren't the same as we were" if this were anyone else they would have protested or said, well said anything but this was Kibum so he just sat there and listened "I love you Kibum, I really do but I just...I don't...I don't trust you like I used to...I feel like you're no even here, like I'm still waiting for you to call me from America. And I don't want to feel like that anymore" Kibum just sat there in silence, looking at me. I wanted him to speak, to protest, to tell me I was wrong, that he was worth trusting again but he just sat there. So I went on
"When you left I didn't have time to think about things. All I felt was abandoned...and I know you left for good reasons but I...I didn't have time to deal with it. And then you just showed back up and I wanted everything to go back to the way it was...but it can't...and I need time...I need time to deal with these emotions"
"You want to break up?" Kibum finally spoke and I shook my head
"No, no that's not what I'm saying. I want to be with you...but I know if I keep acting like I have been...you'll leave me again...I just need to figure some things out...so I'm going to China this summer" I said
"I told you I won't leave you again; you don't have to go all the way to China..." Kibum said, I could tell he was upset. I was upset. This was an upsetting decision, that's why it took me so long to decide it. But it would make everything better, I just knew it.
"I have to do this Bummie" I said "I just...I have to"
"When are you leaving?" he asked
"Right after graduation" I replied
He ws silent for a few seconds and then he said "I hope you have fun"
"Kibum..."
"No Hae it's okay, I'll give you your space. If that's what you wanted you could have just asked" he said standing up and walking towards the stairs.
"That's not..." I tried to argue but Kibum cut me off
"Its fine Hae...Have fun in China" and then he ran up the stairs and a few seconds later I heard his door slam shut.
I sat back down at the table and cried. I knew this was going to be hard. I was practically abandoning him but I had to go.
This would make everyting better.