flip
....I'm not a really superstitious person.
LOLjk.
no but really. I've been trying to keep things in lately. Just because I feel like I always run into bad luck and even bad-er timing when I'm incapable of hiding/holding in the mess in my mind. And I'm getting better at it.
But this also means that I have to make decisions for myself and figure out who to trust and what to question. I'm so used to having someone kind of reassure me that I'm being ridiculous or someone to push me to find the answers I want. And now I'm kind of just trying to figure things out for myself.
It's so hard. It's so confusing.
Honestly, if someone approached me and accused me of using them or having asshole intentions, I'd be 50% mortified and 50% insulted. I'm not the type of person that would be able to go through with that. ever. But there's a little part of me that wants to just flat out ask. Sometimes people don't think that they would be able to go through with it, but they just do anyways, because it just happens and they deny that they're actually becoming such a..jerk. And I feel like asking will either a) be the extra push that they need to admit that I'm being used and things and different and not cool or b) clear the air and get rid of my worries
or
c) completely insult them, get us into an incredibly awkward and difficult situation, and I'll never know what the truth is.
So I'm still flip flopping. And I don't know how long I can take this uncertainty but I want to be able to think it through so that I don't end up in a situation where I just...break from the pressure and insecurity and do something or say something without thinking it through.
LOLjk.
no but really. I've been trying to keep things in lately. Just because I feel like I always run into bad luck and even bad-er timing when I'm incapable of hiding/holding in the mess in my mind. And I'm getting better at it.
But this also means that I have to make decisions for myself and figure out who to trust and what to question. I'm so used to having someone kind of reassure me that I'm being ridiculous or someone to push me to find the answers I want. And now I'm kind of just trying to figure things out for myself.
It's so hard. It's so confusing.
Honestly, if someone approached me and accused me of using them or having asshole intentions, I'd be 50% mortified and 50% insulted. I'm not the type of person that would be able to go through with that. ever. But there's a little part of me that wants to just flat out ask. Sometimes people don't think that they would be able to go through with it, but they just do anyways, because it just happens and they deny that they're actually becoming such a..jerk. And I feel like asking will either a) be the extra push that they need to admit that I'm being used and things and different and not cool or b) clear the air and get rid of my worries
or
c) completely insult them, get us into an incredibly awkward and difficult situation, and I'll never know what the truth is.
So I'm still flip flopping. And I don't know how long I can take this uncertainty but I want to be able to think it through so that I don't end up in a situation where I just...break from the pressure and insecurity and do something or say something without thinking it through.