(no subject)
I never post anymore. I got my car back. My life's boring and I never do anything besides work. I went up to USP to get Deepa this weekend and we hung out and I saw her new house. Its huge. My car's pretty and it's completely mine now. I love it.
I've been kind of depressed lately. Not depressed, just...contemplative. In a bad way. Nothing's ever simple. Everything I've ever thought was simple in my life has turned out to be more complex than I could ever imagine. There's no such thing as "normal" and no one who is. I don't take well to changes in my life, or changes in relationships, or not knowing things about people who I'm close with. I don't like it when people don't take my advice. I know that's a really bad thing, but I get so frustrated when people don't listen to me and I know (or feel very strongly) that I'm right. I try way too hard to please everyone in my life and it never ever works out, I can never make everyone happy. I live for everyone else and never for myself. I try to make everyone else happy before myself, yet somehow I always seem to be thinking selfish thoughts and about how everything's going to affect me. I am selfish. I wish that I wasn't, but I am. I'm needy and dependent and I hate that about myself. I've been finding that the traits I deplore in others are the ones that I deplore most in myself. I know that's a known fact, but lately I've been discovering it for myself.
I feel like everything's falling apart again and nothing's ever going to work out. I dunno if I could handle it this time.
I've been kind of depressed lately. Not depressed, just...contemplative. In a bad way. Nothing's ever simple. Everything I've ever thought was simple in my life has turned out to be more complex than I could ever imagine. There's no such thing as "normal" and no one who is. I don't take well to changes in my life, or changes in relationships, or not knowing things about people who I'm close with. I don't like it when people don't take my advice. I know that's a really bad thing, but I get so frustrated when people don't listen to me and I know (or feel very strongly) that I'm right. I try way too hard to please everyone in my life and it never ever works out, I can never make everyone happy. I live for everyone else and never for myself. I try to make everyone else happy before myself, yet somehow I always seem to be thinking selfish thoughts and about how everything's going to affect me. I am selfish. I wish that I wasn't, but I am. I'm needy and dependent and I hate that about myself. I've been finding that the traits I deplore in others are the ones that I deplore most in myself. I know that's a known fact, but lately I've been discovering it for myself.
I feel like everything's falling apart again and nothing's ever going to work out. I dunno if I could handle it this time.