easter

[xloveandloathex]

'i dig my toes into the sand...the ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket. i lean against the wind pretend that i am weightless and in this moment i am happy...' im scared of heights or is it that im just scared of falling but then again who isnt. rain sometimes nurtures my deep-embalmed despondency. other times i stare at its forlorn beauty. and it reminds me of days shared with loved ones when all we could do was be togehter. but thats over. ive felt much better than this before. the dark sky so lachrymal in essence causes them to come sometimes and i cant hold back. they say its healthy i agree. buts its just so hard to let go sometimes. the last time i did was when she was close at least the last time i did hard. ive done it to myself here and there and definitely on the inside theres just no preventing that. i also do it in the wonder of nature. its spring again. the water is warmer and i can stand the temperature again. if only that tunnel didnt run into it into me i would visit it more often. our confluence was there. and its never been the same.
i dont think much of easter anymore. the holiday has lost all appeal to me. maybe it wouldnt be so had things been different. but they are as they should be. i dont believe in pop religion. i dont believe much. in my opinion were only chasing safety. this isnt where i belong. this is not my place. its not your place to tell me either. we cant comprehend the intangible as you profess you can. why do you believe blindly in something that isnt there. why do i do the same. its all uphill from here. but i dont know what that means