Mar 06, 2005 01:25
Aaaaalright.
This won't be very long, seeing as its like... 1:10am right now and I have to wake up at 6.
This night wasn't fun. My family sometimes changes my mood so drasticly, I pretty much took it out on Simon tonite and I felt horrible about it, because he didn't do anything (right, sure, he wasn't being all that understanding... but I was in a bad mood so it felt like x1000) He didn't deserve to hear me bitch like that and yeah... I was just wrong to act that way...
My family is sooo pushing me too far that... I actually fuckin' started to cry when I apologized to Simon. I cried! For fuck's sake!
He told me he doesn't understand why I don't just tell my parents whats going on and how I'm feeling. I know you guys have told me thats what should be done as well. But I feel like... for as long as I'm under their roof, I can't tell them I hate living here. I can't tell them I hate the way they treat me. Because they'll take it too personal and blow it out of proportions and exagerate and act like the little immature people they are sometimes. I can feel it in my bones that they won't understand. Why take that risk when I know its not the right time?
This is sort of a transition phase... I need to get to the next phase before I can talk about anything serious with them... I don't know if you understand what I mean... But right now isn't a good time since they're already dealing with the changes of me never being home and taking responsibilities. They're dealing with that by treating me even more like a child. Until they stoppit, I can't talk about anything, cuz they'll over-react. Of course, by then the major issue will be resolved since they won't treat me like a child anymore, you might say, but they'll still think and act the same way they always have... And it needs to be said, I believe... I can't necessarily keep travelling with all this heavy baggage on my shoulders. It's getting heavy, people. When I start taking it out on the people around me, that seriously don't deserve it, it's not right. It's a sign that I'm carrying way too much.
I have to work with my mother tomorrow, at her job. She needs a hand and its 12$/h... For 10hours. So hey thats 120$ directly into my pockets. But its 10hours with my mother bossing me around x2... Oooooohhh I don't know how that's gonna be. But I need the money so I agreed.
I have my own radio show. Me and two of my friends (well... my fellow interns... I know them but would'nt say they're "friends"... I don't know them that well) have a morning show at CINQ FM 102.3 at 6 fuckin' a.m. till 8am... I have to leave the house at 5:10am... that's bloody insaaaane. But hey, my own radio show. Once a week. Cool.
Also, I need a job, bad.
Also, the results from my McGill application will come in in about 2ish weeks. Oh bloody hell, I'm so nervous.
Also, my cat burned himself. What a dork dork. He has a spot where you can see the burned sort of brownish fur (he's gray, people... brown burnt fur spot is noticeable =\)
I'm tired and I have a huuuge day tomorrow at work. 8 to 6? Thats alot.
I miss you guys.
How are all of you doing?
E-mail me or something if you don't like commenting.
I love you guys <3
G'nite now.
So long.