Ryan Christopher Fowler
Well the title gives away what this is about. Two weeks and one days since I saw him. I was so nervous about it. I wondered how different he was. What he would be wearing? How would his hair be cut? Was it still long or is it short? I took Biz with me because I always told her stories about him and I. I promised her that she could meet him.
He looked almost exactly the same as he did when we first met. However, he was walking with three girls instead of two guys. He kind of introduced us. They all turned out to be nice. As far as them approving of me, I'm not sure that went well. I didn't say much the whole time and just observed. We met a few other people as well and once again, not much talking.
I bought french fries. We stood outside McDonald's. He took my fries. We shared a fry like in Lady and the Tramp when they share the spaghetti, except I didn't kiss him when we got to the point. He said I didn't follow through so then I did. I wasn't feeling any emotion though. Biz and I parted from him and his crowd.
It was getting time for us to leave so I called him and said I wanted to see him before I left. We stood on the sidewalk and watched the fireworks. He picked me up and tried to carry me to his house for sex. I told him I wouldn't. I kissed him again. And again. Him carrying me reminded me of when we first met. I loved him when he was like that. I was starting to feel the kisses. And I liked it a lot. Then I had to leave.
I'm not sure how I feel about things now. Just because I was starting to get feelings doesn't mean that they were real or even that I can keep them. He is an hour and a half away and I can't have him. I can't see him when I want to. I can't get a hug from him when I need one. I can't have guaranteed feelings from him even if I lied to myself and said they were real. Nothing is fair and I have to deal with it.