????

[xlostgrlx]

so been feelin really shitty for a while now. its so hard to express things. even writing this makes me tired. its depressing how i used to be able to think and write and write forever just a constant stream of thoughts and get it all out in a catharsis kind of thing but now i have to force myself to do anything. ive been realizing im boring--everyone else has SOMETHING, that i just dont have. a sense of humor? a skewed way of looking at the world? i dunno. im so literal all the time. i'm so sick of talking/thinking only aobut myself but thats the only thing right now i can do. i dont even wanna think about college. i. i. i. aaaaa. i can never think of the right words for things/string them together in a clever/coherent way. What happened?? i suck at life, i have no talent, and im a horrible selfish boring person. if i were someone else, i would hate me, but its wierd cuz all i want right now is for people to like me. im like a hypocrite twice over. ps even when i feel ok and try to be funny its still not enough---he's expecting me to emerge completely different when the meds kick in but i dunno if that will happen. i dont want to admit defeat.

if we dont stay in touch after college, does that mean we were never really that great of friends? like a failure?

im worthless and want to be trailer trash.