お久しぶり
No one is going to read this, and that's fine. In fact I'm almost counting on it. Not even sure what to do with the 'security' or 'screening' section. It's been so long that I probably can't even match friends usernames with real names, faces, or even fandoms that we connected through. Life is very different now. I've been in Japan for 7 years, and married for almost 1. I'm pretty fluent in Japanese now, and it's really amazing how learning a new language and becoming truly immersed in a new culture changes a person. I often try to remember what I thought about and how I lived in college. Even when I can recall, I can't remember how I thought. How did I form thoughts in only English? What aspects of culture influenced me? How did the lack of Japanese culture make me who I was? It's odd. I chose the username lostgeisha because I felt I belonged in Japan. In a way, I still feel I do, and I certainly feel more 'complete' in my identity now. The choices we make, how we live our lives, how the flow of time streams over us and how we attempt to swim along, through, or against it: what effect does it have on our happiness? Are happy people happy no matter what their condition or place in the world. Are unhappy people unhappy no matter what? I am certainly always in flux.
Recently, I am very tired. I liken it to how I hear people describe chronic illness, though I know it really isn't nearly that bad. Mostly I've been dizzy, with occasional headaches, some spotty insomnia, and a feeling of dread. I've been quite bored, with nothing to look forward to. Which is odd, because I have a lot to look forward to. I just bought a road bike and will soon start weekend touring. I am going to Taiwan next week with some friends. Yet somehow those things just don't seem like fun anymore. Nothing seems like fun. In a way, it has made my job easier this week. I don't feel a rush to get through the day and go home, because I know I won't actually feel any better once I get home. Also, I have no choice but to put on a happy face and do the old song and dance for the children during classes. It is a nice distraction. Perhaps that is what I need. More simple distractions.
Perhaps writing in my live journal will be a nice distraction. Or maybe it will do more to push me to swim in the right direction, to make the right choices, and to live my life in a more positive way.
Recently, I am very tired. I liken it to how I hear people describe chronic illness, though I know it really isn't nearly that bad. Mostly I've been dizzy, with occasional headaches, some spotty insomnia, and a feeling of dread. I've been quite bored, with nothing to look forward to. Which is odd, because I have a lot to look forward to. I just bought a road bike and will soon start weekend touring. I am going to Taiwan next week with some friends. Yet somehow those things just don't seem like fun anymore. Nothing seems like fun. In a way, it has made my job easier this week. I don't feel a rush to get through the day and go home, because I know I won't actually feel any better once I get home. Also, I have no choice but to put on a happy face and do the old song and dance for the children during classes. It is a nice distraction. Perhaps that is what I need. More simple distractions.
Perhaps writing in my live journal will be a nice distraction. Or maybe it will do more to push me to swim in the right direction, to make the right choices, and to live my life in a more positive way.