"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Ever feel as if you're ugly? It seems as if every possible attractive part of you has performed a complete 180 and become bland and gross.
I've looked in the mirror. I think about how pretty I've appeared in pictures. You know, wonder what happened to suddenly change from that to...this. It's so weird. I don't mean to be self-depricating, but it just has been bothering me. It's frusturating to feel unattractive because such a large part of one's young adult life is somehow majorly focused or centered upon accomplishing task of creating, or obtaining, a mutual feeling from the person you are strongly attracted towards. Sadly, the fact that this is such a huge part in one's life simply...sucks. It sucks ass. The humor behind it is how so many people would never actually fess up to allowing this aspect to have so much control. Kudos to those who don't follow the norm and don't care at all about boy/girlfriend relationships.
I really dislike being a teenager. Yet, at the same time, I love it...in some strange oddity. Also, i'm really looking forward to college. THe college fair brought in some major insight. My mom and I might go on a road trip to see different schools.
BTW: If you have any suggestions for other schools I should look into, let me know! :)
I'm looking into:
*Hawaiian Pacific University*
*Cal State-Northridge, LA, Long Beach, MONTERAY BAY, SDSU, San Francisco State, Sonoma State, etc.*
*U of Hawaii*
*U of Texas*
*UC Berkley., UC Santa Barbara, UC San Diego*
Major possibilities: Liberal Arts/Elementary Education, History, Double major in history and dance(or)english.
Major aspects: sorority, jewish population, "stuff to do", area, class sizes, credidation (offered for CA/national+CA), and $$ (Cal States offer the most wonderful scholarships =D).
For a random update~
School: Wonderful. I love it. It's SO great to see my friends every day. It's difficult adjusting to everything, but I feel so much more, err, normal? I love learning. The process is fascinating and wonderful and (duh) interesting. I can't express how much I enjoy sitting in Harte's class listening to the class read The Crucible, random discussions in Coach Farrar's psych class, or taking notes and having true political discussions in Gonzales's u.s. history class. Chem, math, spanish...it's all LEARNING! I feel like a naive or just annoying happy person, but I truly enjoy school. I saw a poster that said "Happy Blue and Gold Day!" and I just felt at home.
Fam: I love my parents and brother. I kinda wish I could hang out with my brother more, but he's getting adjusted, too. Moreso since he's a freshman. It's so nice when I get along with my parents. The world is just...brighter. :-) Plus, Craig and Brent (his awesome son who's a CHEF!) are moving in on October 13th. Register it, y'all...this is one step closer to Craig's proposal to my mom so that Bry and I can put into action the wedding we've planned for our mom. WHEE! My dad's alright. I hate how he is at work. It just...sucks. Sucks ass. He's so impersonal. The only way to snap him out of it is to have someone else call him (i.e. mom) or call him myself and explain that I have to be rushed to the ER. Honestly, anything else could go in one ear, out the other, and a comment that's impersonal and rude and stern would flow out. That's not my daddy. Meh.
B'nai Brith Girls: Slow, fun, ETW soon. It's been difficult to do anything minus eat, breath, homework, and sleep. (Not much of sleep tho :-/) I need to get crackin on some maz stuff. I assigned a newspaper chair girl, though, so yay. (Yay Eds!!!) I'm excited for new mazkirot...I feel i effed up with summer term, so hopefully I'll do much better this term. I have a whole plan! Plus, Dicker thought it was awesome and gave me better ideas. YAY!
Friends: They are good. School friends~vibrant and diverse, but great. Jews (yes, they are their own group)~all good from all aspects being camp, bbyo, and random...but i miss 'em. I feel so lonely without everyone. I'm glad that I'm finding a (what i find to be good) balance. So, huzzah.
Health: Botox is wearing off. TGFM (F=for, M=monday). Dr. Appointment with andy...so he can fix me again. Yay for getting headaches, blurred vision, hand tremmors, and all that other shiz fixed!
Boys: Umm...good, actually. Just need a homecoming date. I hope someone from school asks me to COHS homecoming (on Oct. 23rd, btw) but if not, i'm sure I already have a date. (Ooh, intruiging!) I'm excited about the homecoming circuit. Best time of the year...bustin' out those GORGEOUS dresses. YAAAAAAAY~! Hopefully I'll be asked to someone's....that way i can wear my dress again :) (oh, and dance and have fun!) Also, I've been talking to kenny a lot lately. I'm already excited for his visit during spring break. I never thought I'd be happy about an arranged marraige. This is gonna be fun...
So I guess that's it. Damn, this is long.
Happy fasting, Yom Kipurers.